Are You Ready For Change? 3 Steps You Simply Have to Take

Is there anything in your life you would like to change?  Perhaps a habit?  Or a goal that you want to accomplish that you believe will make your life better in some tangible ways?  Or to change a behavior or mindset that no longer is serving you well? I have yet to meet a person who is 100% satisfied with everything in their life.  We all have dreams, desires, hopes for something better, to improve some area of our lives, to move forward toward a more preferred future.

All of my coaching clients hire me because, though they are already successful people, they have areas they want to work on and move forward and improve--whether it's developing greater clarity about a job transition, or developing more effective leadership skills, or identifying some personal dreams that they want to pursue to bring more fulfillment and meaning to their already busy lives, or to design a more purposeful and effective spiritual path that brings them greater peace and a sense of groundedness and life balance, or to improve their most important relationships.

In all these cases, one of the issues I emphasize is momentum.  Life change develops most effectively when momentum is increased.  In other words, once you begin the process of change (whatever the change is) building forward movement toward where you're wanting to go is crucial to both initiating change and establishing effective and long term change.  Momentum.

In fact, one of my clients--an executive in a fast-growing firm in the finance industry--hired me (after interviewing multiple coaches) precisely because I used the word "momentum" in describing what my work with clients is designed to build.  That's exactly what he was wanting for his life.

So let me suggest 3 specific steps you should take to build momentum for the things you want to change or accomplish in your life that truly matter to you.

Step 1:  Identify What You Really Want

Setting very specific intentions (goals) is the first crucial step.  Make it clear.  And make sure it is an authentic expression of your deep desires.  Focus first on the feeling you're wanting to experience that this change or goal will produce.

Why start with your feelings?  Because feelings are more powerful intentions than simple behaviors.  Feeling actually drive actions.  You choose certain behaviors because--if you were to truly analyze it--you want to feel a certain way.  Right?  So start with the feeling you want.

Then choose behaviors that will get you to that feeling.  Specific actions.

Don't get fixated on one specific action.  Truth is, multiple actions can produce the same feeling you're desiring.  Hold tactics (actions) with an open hand.  If one isn't working for you, change to another one.  Emphasize the feeling.

Step 2:  Break Your Steps Down Into Small, Doable Increments

Sometimes we're tempted to think too big.  And then we get overwhelmed because the goal looms large over our heads.  And then we're tempted to give up.

Successful people know how to break their steps into small increments that are doable on a regular basis.

One of my clients recently, in describing his goal and the process he was using to get there, put it in a very profound way:

"What can I do today to shift the needle by tomorrow?"

I like his emphasis.  The word "shift" isn't talking about some huge, quantum leap forward.  It's a small, even slight movement.

Keep it small and simple.  All you're looking for is a shift in the needle day by day.

Step 3:  Take Steps Regularly & Religiously

This is the strategy to building effective momentum.  Consistency.

Jim Collins, in one of the most widely read business and productivity books in the last 13 years,  Good To Great, calls this process the fly wheel principle.  When at first you try to push a huge flywheel, you meet lots of resistance.  It's difficult.  Laborious.  But you keep pushing and turning the flywheel.  With great effort you keep pushing.  And with every push and spin, the flywheel begins to pick up momentum.  If you stay with this process, ultimately its momentum becomes a self sustaining power that moves it forward, on and on.

"Good to great comes about by a cumulative process--step by step, action by action, decision by decision, turn by turn of the flywheel--that adds up to sustained and spectacular results."  (p. 165)

The amazing thing is that often onlookers, who see what you've accomplished, think you've gotten there in one big step.  They're impressed and in awe.  They congratulate you.  They want to know the secret of your success so they ask, "What was the one big push that caused you to get here so fast?"

But those of us doing this kind of work know that that is a nonsensical question.  Was it the first push?  The second?  The fifth?  The hundredth?  No!

"It was all of them added together in an overall accumulation of effort applied in consistent direction.  Some pushes may have been bigger than others, but any single heave--no matter how large--reflects a small fraction of the entire cumulative effective upon the flywheel."  (p. 165)

Summary.  Three nonnegotiable steps to creating the kind of momentum that gets you where you want to go:  1) clearly identify what you really want and how you want to feel, 2) break your steps down into small, doable increments, 3) and take those steps regularly and religiously (keep turning the flywheel and don't stop).

One of the great rewards of my work is creating the space for people where they can engage in this process, giving them accountability and encouragement every step of the way, and then seeing them create the kind of life they truly want.

I see it every time:  after pushing on that flywheel in a consistent direction over an extended period of time, they inevitably hit a point of breakthrough.  Change happens.  Transformation.  And they begin experiencing the joy of living the life they truly want, the one that matters most to them.

Action:  If you would like to have a short phone conversation with me about how this could work for you with something that you're feeling the need to address in your life, email me and I'll work out a time to visit.  It could set up the breakthrough you're really looking for.

________________________________

Looking for a Speaker or Coach?

If you or someone you know in your organization is looking for a keynote speaker or workshop teacher for events in your company, congregation, or association gatherings, I would be happy to come speak on this theme or others like it.  And interested in strengths coaching?  Feel free to email me at greg@gregorypnelson.com or look at the Speaking or Coaching pages of this site.

Two Ways To Boosting Your Wellbeing

True happiness, said comedian Bob Monkhouse, is when you marry a person for love and later discover that they have money. We all appreciate the joke, of course, because though one side of us knows that a loving relationship provides a good chance of happiness the other thinks it would be guaranteed if that relationship made us rich as well.  Imagine it:  true love plus lots of money!  What more could you ask for!  Happiness guaranteed.  It's like my dad would say to me when I was in college (tongue in cheek, I'm sure):  "Remember, Greg, money isn't everything.  But if you happen to marry someone with money, it won't hurt. " And yet we all know - and study after study confirms it - money doesn't buy lasting happiness.  In fact, as it turns out, nothing produces lasting happiness in a one shot deal.  A sense of wellbeing, the ability to thrive with joy in life, is more complicated than that.  Behavioral economists and economic psychologists coined the contributing problem the "hedonic treadmill" - our expectations rise with our incomes, material possessions, or other positive experiences so that the happiness we seek remains just out of reach.  It's like we're caught on a treadmill, working hard, and getting nowhere.  We have to keep working just to stay in the same place.

James Montier (global equity strategist for Dresdner Kleinwort Wasserstein and author of the report entitled It Doesn’t Pay: Materialism and the Pursuit of Happiness) described it this way:  "In other words, we quickly get used to new things and they become part of our norm. We might get a new fast car and at first be out washing it every weekend but six months later we have become accustomed to it, the kids have scuffed up the seats in the back and the boot is full of dog hairs.  This is hedonic adaptation at work . . . material possessions are likely to be assimilated relatively fast.”  And like you and I have experienced, we're off to find the next new happiness-inducing experience.  The treadmill keeps going.

So can you do anything about this cycle?  Some experts say, "It's simple.  Just reduce your expectations so you don't experience the discrepancy between expectation and experience."  The theory is, if you have low expectations, you won't get disappointed.  Just be Zen about it all and live in the now.  Buddha's point was:  since desire is the root of all suffering, the solution is to simply get rid of desire.  Live without want and you'll never want of anything.

Certainly learning the art of managing our desires is important.  But it might not solve the whole problem.  Happiness, or a sense of thriving and being fulfilled, wellbeing, is impacted by both our expectations and experiences.  So rather than denying that reality, perhaps there is a way to shape them in ways that actually pay off.

A recent study reported in the Journal of Economic Psychology (2008) suggested two powerful ways that increase a person's wellbeing and happiness.  First, the principle authors acknowledged how many studies have shown that few events in life have a lasting impact on subjective well-being because of people’s tendency to adapt quickly; worse, those events that do have a lasting impact tend to be negative.  And second, their research showed "that while major events may not provide lasting increases in well-being, certain seemingly minor events – such as attending religious services or exercising – may do so by providing small but frequent boosts: if people engage in such behaviors with sufficient frequency, they may cumulatively experience enough boosts to attain higher well-being."

In this study they surveyed participants before they attended religious services or exercised and others as they left these activities.  Study 1 showed that people reported higher well-being after religious services, and Study 2 showed a similar effect for attending the gym or a yoga class. Equally important, frequency of engaging in these activities was a positive predictor of people’s baseline wellbeing, suggesting that these small boosts have a cumulative positive effect on well-being.

Imagine that.  You can boost your experience of wellbeing by going frequently to church (at least once a week) and to the gym or yoga class (at least several times a week).  The positive effect from frequency is cumulative - it increases your wellbeing more and more, as opposed to dropping off dramatically like after a major event or purchase is over.

"The key for long lasting changes to wellbeing is to engage in activities that provide small and frequent boosts, which in the long run will lead to improved well-being, one small step at a time."

It's interesting that oftentimes people will become involved in spiritual community on a "I'll go when I really feel like it" basis.  But if they're particularly tired one week, the motivation isn't there to get up and go, or it doesn't seem like it really matters much in the long run if they miss for awhile.  And yet, in the physical exercise and trying-to-get-in-shape arena, we all acknowledge the reality that you have to be regular and stay regular to reap the real cumulative benefits.  Which means going even when you might not feel like going.  And going regularly.

This happiness research is pretty significant - if you want your wellbeing to be boosted, you have to be frequent and regular.  Even engaging in what some might consider to be "small" activities (like church or exercise), when engaged in often, raise your wellbeing and experience of thriving.

This study certainly corresponds to numerous research done in the last 10 years about the positive overall health impact of spiritual community and regular attendance.  UC Berkeley's School of Public Health reported on a major study several years ago about the connection between faith and health.

Using data collected over a period of 31 years and involving 6,545 adults in Alameda County, non-churchgoers were found to have a 21 percent greater overall risk of dying sooner compared to those who attend religious services at least once a week.  Even after controlling for potentially confounding variables (like gender, current health, income, education, etc.), additional trends were noted, including a 66 percent greater risk of dying from respiratory diseases and a 99 percent greater risk with digestive diseases among those not attending religious services.  Regular involvement in supportive and meaningful spiritual community was linked with lower blood pressure, fewer deaths from cardiovascular disease, less depression, and a decrease in earlier death from all causes.

Study coauthor William Strawbridge of the Public Health Institute attributes the health benefits highlighted in the study to the networks within religious congregations.  "The church attendance aspect involves the interaction between people," he said. "Basically it's these relationships that are good for health," coupled with the accompanying attention to life issues and spiritual growth and development in the context of supportive community.

So, want to give a boost to your wellbeing?  It apparently won't be coming from that "retail therapy" we often feel tempted by.  It won't even be come from winning the lottery we all dream of.  But apparently it will involve not hitting the snooze button this weekend and instead making your way to a spiritual community of people who will support you on your journey.  And then hitting the gym afterward will be the icing on the cake! :)  Go figure!

[If you liked this post, feel free to share it with others - click on the share button to the right.  If you would like to receive each new blog post as an automatic email, please subscribe at the right.]