The Top Two Qualities That Set Apart Successful People From the Rest

How would you rate your performance on a day to day basis?  I'm talking about how you're performing in the various areas of your life--your work, your significant relationships, your spirituality, other areas. Are you satisfied with your progress?  Discontented?  Proud?  Ashamed?  Indifferent?  Maybe you don't even think about it?  Or when you do, you feel guilty for not doing more?

I've noticed that for so many of us how we're doing isn't a huge reflection theme.  People tend to allow themselves to be on "autopilot"--they just do what they need to do and, most of the time, when they need to do it.  No real thought.  Just do it.

Others of us do reflect or evaluate ourselves.  But our focus tends to be negative evaluation--we never quite measure up to our expectations or what we think others expect of us.  So we often feel guilty or less than--especially when we compare ourselves to others.

But we can't allow the meaning we attach to self-evaluation to keep us from the practice of self-evaluation.

Why?  Because without self-reflection, we can never improve or gain momentum or achieve our deepest desires.  We'll never accurately identify what it is that needs improvement.

Instead of letting our focus fixate on how we feel about how we're doing, we need to be willing to honestly look at our progress and then make strategic choices to learn and move forward more effectively.

I read a significant piece of research about what qualities set apart the most successful people from the rest (based upon surveying 50,286 360-degree evaluations conducted over the last five years on 4,158 individual contributors).  I'm finding this to be true with the clients I work with, too.  The research identifies 9 skills.  I'm going to list the top two qualities ranked in that order--the top two skills that make the most difference.

#1--Set stretch goals and adopt high standards for yourself.

I'm finding that this is a theme many people just don't entertain.  Stretch goals.

The challenge is that this skill assumes that you are already establishing goals for yourself in the first place (which is, by the way, vital to maximizing your entire experience of life).

What is it specifically that you really want to do in your life?  How do you want to utilize and apply the strengths you have in your life?  What specific things do you want to accomplish so that when you do reach those goals you actually know it, you can measure it, you can see it?  If you don't know what you're wanting, then you can never know when you've gotten it.  Right?

But this number one distinguishing behavior goes even beyond that.  It's taking wants, desires, goals to the next level--stretching those standards for yourself; pushing yourself to go beyond where you've gone before.

For example.  In my last month, I've set some big stretch goals for myself.  I first made a list of people I know in corporations, businesses, organizations, and churches.  I identified specific contacts I have within those groups.  My goal:  send them my strengths coaching one sheet that describes the work I do with leaders, teams, and groups in maximizing people and multiplying performance.

This is a good goal.  But in itself, it isn't a stretch goal.  So I actually took the next bolder step by stating:  I'm going to make 3 contacts every day (15-20 every week).  I've never been that intentional before in this area, giving myself numeric contact goals.

I can tell you, doing these stretch goals have created more energy and more forward momentum for me in this part of my work.  I can measure my progress on the spreadsheet I developed to chart this process.  I can evaluate what's working and what's not working and then make necessary changes to my process.  And it also holds me accountable.

QUESTIONS:  When is the last time you feel like you really stretched yourself, pushed yourself to a bigger or higher level/standard?  Do you know what that would look like in any area of your life?  Have you stated some expectations for yourself that go beyond what's normal for you or beyond where you've gone before or even beyond what others think you can do?  What would that look like specifically?

#2--Work collaboratively.

Successful people have learned the strategic significance of working with other people in order to accomplish their big goals.

Successful people don't operate under the delusion that they have to make everything great in their lives happen by themselves.

Successful people don't buy into the omni-competent superman myth.  They have developed a humble, honest, confident perspective about themselves that recognizes they don't have all the strengths needed to be successful.

So they bring others into their daily orbit who can contribute in the areas of their personal gaps, complementing their strengths with strengths they don't themselves possess.

For example.  To achieve my own stretch goals I shared above, I realized that I couldn't do this on my own.  I needed to collaborate with others.  This is an area of growth for me.

So I chose not to begin with cold calls (although there's nothing wrong with cold calling and I will perhaps end up doing that, too).  I began with people I already know and who know me, people who respect what I can contribute and who are willing to step forward and make connections for me.

For example.  My wife Shasta is one of the most productive and effective people I know.  She uses her strengths in remarkable and maximizing ways to accomplish so much good in the world.  She sets stretch goals all the time.

Consequently, she is also very strategic and smart in how she goes about meeting her stretch goals.  She collaborates and networks with a wide range of people.  She has developed a large team of people in her life who believe in her and what she's trying to do and are willing to use their strengths to help her.  She asks for their help.  This collaborative mentality empowers her to accomplish way more than she could on her own.

I find this skill to be hugely significant for all my clients if they are going to be effective in moving their lives forward toward what they're truly wanting for themselves.

If you want to stretch, you have to collaborate.

QUESTIONS:  So ask yourself, who are people you know who could contribute their skills and strengths to helping you accomplish some of your big goals?  Would you be willing to ask them to collaborate with you?  Would you honor their strengths by asking for their specific contribution in your life?  Are there identifiable steps with your goals that you could actually delegate to someone else?

At the end of one of my coaching sessions recently, my client remarked, "Man, this process is so valuable for me.  I haven't done this much reflection, evaluation, and strategizing for my life ever.  I love the momentum I'm feeling and seeing.  I actually think I'm going to make my vision for my life happen!"

That's the power of practicing strategic reflection and evaluation about what matters most in life.  You start moving there.  And in the end, isn't that what we all truly want for ourselves--to know where there is and to get there well?

If you'd like to have a short phone call to talk with me about how this could work in your life, email me.  I'm happy to arrange that call with you.

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Looking for a Speaker or Coach?

If you or someone you know in your organization is looking for a keynote speaker or workshop teacher for events in your company, congregation, or association gatherings, I would be happy to come speak on this theme or others like it.  And interested in strengths coaching?  Feel free to email me at greg@gregorypnelson.com or look at the Speaking or Coaching pages of this site.

Part 1 - If You Don't Lean In to Effective Energy Management, You Won't Make It: Two Ways to Move From Slavery to Freedom

Does it ever feel like your job is sucking the soul out of you?  Is your work environment fueling a sense of powerlessness where you feel you're being mastered rather than the other way around--you've become a slave to the master of your work--you're trapped in a never-ending cycle of demands from everyone around you, urgent needs and To Do's, so you're drained of all energy at the end of the day?  And this habitual pattern has repeated itself for years until you feel like there's no hope for anything better?  Do you feel like you're on the proverbial hamster wheel, running and running and running, expending all your energy but really getting nowhere? One of my clients was feeling this way in deep and profound ways when he came to me.  "What do I do?  Is there anything I can do to get out of this vicious cycle?" he asked plaintively.  "I've lost all of my passion and creativity!  Can I get it back?"

One of the first things I did was affirm his courage and gumption to come see me.  That in itself was a positive proactive step he was choosing in order to take back his life.

So many people get to that hamster wheel space and simply cave in to the feeling of being a victim:  "There's nothing I can do about it.  The never-ending demands are simply not things I have any control over.  I mean, if I want this job, I have to put up with this vicious cycle."

But here's the thing:  you are never a victim to your life!

True, you may work for an awful boss.  Your team members might all act like jerks.  You may never get affirmed and appreciated for your hard work.  Colleagues may steal your ideas and take the credit.  More and more work might keep getting dumped on you when you're already overwhelmed.

But you are never a victim to your life!

Here's what I mean by this.  There are always areas of your life where you can and must take back your power and control.  Let me prioritize the two most important ones:  your Identity and your Energy.  You simply cannot compromise on either of these without terrible consequences.

Identity

Our temptation is to equate our sense of identity with our work.

When someone asks us what we do, we typically say, "I'm a [and then state our job title or type of work]."

But notice that we're using an "I am" statement.  That's a statement of being which is woefully incorrect and unhealthy.

The truth is, our job is simply something we do in our lives.  It's not who we are.  Huge distinction.

Unless we get this fundamental identity issue right, we'll always feel we lack control over our lives since we spend so much time at work under the direction and often control of a supervisor or boss or manager.  Right?  Even if you're a CEO you're still under the direction of the Board--you answer to them, in the end.  Even if you're a self-employed entrepreneur, you're still answerable to your clients.

To take back control of your life, you must be clear on your identity and where it comes from.

Remember the Jews who moved to the land of Egypt in order to escape the terrible famine in their land.  They ended up being subjugated in slavery to Pharaoh for over 300 hundred years.  Their cruel task masters lorded control over their lives by forcing them to build bricks for the pyramids.

So what was their identity challenge?  Their temptation was to view themselves as no more than slaves to another master.  All they were valuable for was production and daily quotas.  They felt powerless because in many ways they were powerless.  They felt victims to their circumstances.  They were slaves.

When I told this story to my client, he immediately resonated.

"That's exactly how I feel--like a slave to another master.  I feel out of control.  My whole identity is consumed around my work and how much and how well I produce.  And so often I don't feel like I'm producing enough or I'm not producing enough quality and creativity.  I feel like a loser or imposter."

Can you relate to that?  I certainly can.  I find it easy at times to slip back into this mindset of, "I don't think I'm good enough.  I feel like a nobody.  I'm not successful enough.  I'm not producing value enough.  Therefore I am not enough."

So the Jews had to get clear about their true identity.  And in their environment, that was a gargantuan challenge!

What helped them get clear?  What did they do to take back control for their lives in the most fundamental area?

Here's the next significant issue.  It's engaging in strategies that empower us to align ourselves with our true identity.

Stay tuned for the next post.  Effective living is all about energy management, not time management.

Here Are Some Reflection Questions for You to Answer (try writing your reflections down on paper or computer):

How would you state your personal identity?  What words do you use to describe who you are at your very core, beyond what you do every day or the work or profession you have?  What gives you your value?  What are your true core values that drive your choices (the North Stars by which you navigate your paths forward)?  Finish this identity sentence:  "My value is in the truth that I am ..."

Be clear on your identity!

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Looking for a Speaker or Coach?

If you or someone you know in your organization is looking for a keynote speaker or workshop teacher for events in your company, congregation, or association gatherings, I would be happy to come speak on this theme or others like it.  And interested in strengths coaching?  Feel free to email me at greg@gregorypnelson.com or look at the Speaking or Coaching pages of this site.