The Laws of Subtraction--Inserting Space Between the Notes of Your Life

When I went shopping last week for my wife's Christmas gift, I realized something important about me (and, it turns out, about a lot of us).  I walked into one clothing store and was immediately assaulted by the endless racks of clothes--they're hanging on the walls, standing on the floors, piles everywhere.  The picture on the right is what I see when I walk into any clothing store!

The way clothing stores are being set up these days, it reminds me of airplanes--more and more seats with less and less leg room and aisle width.  I stood there for a few moments glancing around the massive store with its seemingly infinite variety--and to be honest, I got overwhelmed.  Too many choices.  I just didn't have enough head space and bandwidth, not to mention patience, to start rummaging through every rack.  I didn't even know exactly what I was looking for, which made the variety of choices even more paralyzing.

So as a shopper in those moments, I always resort to the easy way:  looking for the mannequins--I have to see complete outfits.  As a visual person, mannequins are my best friends in navigating so many choices.  So I walked around surveying all of the mannequins and never saw anything I liked.  I left.

I went into a smaller store in the mall, and in a few minutes, I saw a complete outfit hanging out in plain view, and I liked it.  Very much.  And 40% off helped make the decision easier.  In a matter of minutes I was standing in the check out line, excited with my purchase and hardly able to wait Christmas Eve for my wife to try it all on.

We live in an age of excess and choice--an overabundance of both.  And spirituality isn't immune from this challenge.  There are so many options available to explore.  We're inundated with books, DVDs, CDs, seminars and workshops, religious organizations trumpeting their truths, nonprofits vying for our attention to support their good causes, all describing different ways of believing, thinking, and acting.  Our temptation is to either ignore all of these options (we're too overwhelmed, not enough bandwidth to consider everything) or to simply keep adding to our lives--after all, it's all good, right?  We can never have too much good in our lives, can we?

But the truth is, we cannot live our lives based only on the law of addition.  Effective spirituality is as much about subtraction as it is about addition.

In his book The Laws of Subtraction, author Matthew E. May makes the observation that "at the heart of every difficult decision lie three tough choices:  What to purse versus what to ignore.  What to leave in versus what to leave out.  What to do versus what to don't.  I have discovered that if you focus on the second half of each choice--what to ignore, what to leave out, what to don't--the decision becomes exponentially easier and simpler...This is the art of subtraction:  when you remove just the right thing in just the right way, something good usually happens."  (p. xii)

I think he's dead on!  All spiritual traditions consequently emphasize this significant principle and provide practices and ways to learn this art of subtraction.  The season of winter is often used as a time to reflect on this second half of the equation:  What do I need to let go of in my life?  What isn't serving me any more that I should release?  What do I need to de-clutter in order to make room for the new?  What am I holding on to too tightly that might be keeping me from spiritual growth and renewal?

We were not created with infinite head space or bandwidth.  We cannot be healthy spiritually or otherwise if we only live by the laws of addition or even attraction.  We are called to take the counter-intuitive approach from time to time to learn the art of subtraction.

So what space are you creating in your life to have this intentional reflection and self-evaluation?  The new year is a perfect time for this experience.

For these reasons, I have developed a cycle of three weekend retreats for 2013, starting January 25-26, to carve out this significant personal space for these reflections.  This first of the three weekends will be stepping into the law of subtraction.  Winter.  Letting go.  De-cluttering.  Making room for the new.  Healthy spirituality necessitates spiritual subtraction.

I invite you to consider participating in these retreats starting next month.  Here is the link for the details.  Feel free to pass it along to friends and family.  https://www.gregorypnelson.com/Retreats.php.  The deadline for the early bird discount is in 48 hours, and it's limited to just 20 people, so check it out soon.  I would love to have you experience this transformational journey.

One of my favorite classical composers is Claude Debussy.  I still enjoy playing "Claire de Lune" on the piano.  Debussy once wrote, "Music is the space between the notes."

If you know his music, you know that he is a master at spacing--intervals--when no sound exists--even if only briefly.  That silence and space between the notes serve to enhance the musicality and power of the notes.  Imagine listening to a pianist or vocalist (or even speaker, for that matter--I've endured too many of them) who never stops--they play/sing/speak incessantly--with no breaks--no silence--no pause.  How do you feel or react?  It's simply exhausting, isn't it?  Overwhelming.  Easy to ignore and tune out.  Our bandwidth gets used up before they're even done so we check out.  Effective composing is not just adding more notes to be played without rest or pause.  It's learning how to subtract strategically, thoughtfully, emotionally.

I encourage you as you face a new year to give yourself the profound and transforming gift of subtraction.  Carve out sacred space to reflect on what needs to be let go of, ignored, left out in your life.  Create more space between the notes of your life.  Engage in this difficult, counter-intuitive, but I guarantee you, rewarding work of making room for what is yet to come.

Dr. May has it right:  When you remove just the right things in just the right way, something good always happens."

Personal Obstacles to Your Roar of Awakening

What Is the Roar of Awakening? In my last blog, I told the story about the tiger who grew up thinking he was a goat but who finally discovered he was a tiger.  Read the story if you haven't already.  Upon his discovery, he let out a huge "roar of awakening."

The roar of awakening is the discovery that we are more than we think we are; we have taken on identities that incorrectly or inadequately express our essential being.  And when we arrive at this divinely-inspired realization, we experience a totally different reality that expresses itself in a new kind of personal power, passion, and confidence.

One of My Roars of Awakening

One of my roars of awakening came when a highly respected leader in the church I was pastoring years ago deeply yet firmly affirmed my leadership style and effectiveness.  I had just downplayed myself to him, making an observation about myself that I had held to be true for years.  I had been retelling this narrative to myself every time I encountered a difficult, and potentially conflict-inducing leadership moment.

He stopped me and said, "Greg, I never want to hear you say that about yourself again!  Ever!"

"Why?" I pressed back.  "I'm just being honest about myself."

"No!" he countered.  "You're not!  Because it's not true.  You're stating an identity that simply has no basis in fact."  And then he spent the next five minutes describing all the things he had observed about me in my leadership position which clearly countered my own self-perception.

As he boldly and articulately described what he both saw in and believed about me, the light of truth began to dawn in my mind.  I saw it for the first time.  He was right.  I had been living and believing both an incorrect and inadequate picture of my essential being.  I had been living as a goat instead of the tiger I really was.

As I look back now, I can see that that awakening was a watershed moment.  My leadership, the owning of my true leadership capabilities emanating from my unique essence, took on a new kind of power and confidence which resulted in profoundly effective outcomes as a spiritual leader and pastor.  I had found my "roar."

Obstacles to the Roar:  What Is the Narrative You've Been Living?

Have you considered what narratives you've been living in your life that might be incorrect or inadequate?  Have you ever taken the time to evaluate the truth about those personal narratives?

We don't only tell inadequate stories about ourselves.  We also hold incorrect narratives about others--perhaps our spouses or significant others, our colleagues, our bosses, our friends and family members.  The destructive power here is that as we keep retelling these perspectives they grow stronger.  They end up seeming truer and truer.  So this becomes the reality at the center of our relationships.  And we wonder why these relationships can never seem to improve or get better or be fixed.

Painful Consequences of a Wrong Narrative

It is astounding to me how many people are not living their own truth or the truth about others and so have not been able to step into their personal or relational divinely-given power to show up in the world with clarity, confidence, courage, and contentment.

Over the years of living in this unreality, they become satisfied with bleeting like goats instead of roaring like tigers.  After awhile, they actually come to believe that they are goats (imagine believing, for example, that you're in a "goat of a relationship" instead of a "tiger of a relationship"--how would that impact how you show up in that relationship?).

Consequently, they never seem to arrive in a place of alignment and congruence with who they really are or what the essence of their relationship truly can be.  There's a form of timidity or aggressive conflict they end up manifesting to themselves and to the other.  They might not even be aware of it.  But there's this subtle hesitancy they often seem to feel in many situations--an inability to really land and be grounded where they are.

In the religious world, we often tend to label this as humility, on the one hand, or righteous indignation, on the other.  Truth is, ironically we are actually spiritualizing this sense of inadequacy or conflict by giving it this spiritual attribute in order to feel okay about it.

But it never completely works for us--deep inside we long to be free of this timidity, hesitancy, and sense of personal and relational inadequacy.  Without being aware of it at times, we are actually hearing our tiger nature calling out from deep inside us to be embraced.

Our Calling

We cannot allow ourselves to be content with being a goat if our nature is actually a tiger.  We must embrace our tiger.  Only then will we awaken the roar.  Only then will we and our relationships exude a confident, genuinely compassionate presence in the world.  And we will be like Jesus, who with a boldness that comes from unconditional acceptance of his truth, loved others shamelessly and tirelessly.

Next time, What does it take to awaken our roar?

The Spiritual Practice of Daily Eating

There's a fascinating story in the Hebrew scriptures about the Jews during their wandering in the desert.  They've just been freed from slavery in Egypt.  God is taking them to the Promised Land where they will "set up shop" in a land they will call their own, learning how to live out their identity as children of God.  On this journey through the wilderness God engages them with numerous ways to learn the art of trust and faith.  They must lean into a new identity, from slaves to free people. In the middle of the desert, they cry out to God for food.  God ends up feeding them with what comes to be called "manna," bread from heaven.  It falls on the camp every morning for the people to gather and enjoy.

Significantly, God tells them about a unique quality of this manna that will forever engage them in an act of faith and trust--the manna will last only for one day.  "Gather of it, each one of you, as much as you can eat."  But no one is to leave any of it till the next morning.  No one is to try to stockpile it for future days.  Whoever tries to keep it overnight will discover that by the morning it will breed worms and become spoiled.  There will be enough for each day, but one day at a time.  Every morning, the people will need to go out and gather as much as they want for that day.

This is a genius system that God is reinforcing with these newly liberated people.  God is emphasizing the necessity and significance of daily sustenance.  God gives enough for each day.  Which means that each new day requires intentional "gathering" and "eating."  You can't live on yesterday's sustenance!

This has led spiritual traditions to emphasize the development of daily, regular spiritual practices that nourish the soul, heart, mind, and body.

My wife and I have found indispensable our daily morning spiritual practice of sacred readings, reflections, and prayer.  We have found spiritual transformation is taking place in rich, deep, and grounding ways from that daily foundation.

Most people would never consider that eating one meal would fill them up so that they never have to eat another meal again.  In fact, eating food is actually a daily habit for most of us!  Our bodies are designed to need this regular routine.  And what's more, we enjoy eating!

Why is it that when it comes to the spiritual life so many people allow themselves to go for long periods of time without "eating" and receiving nourishment?  This explains why there is so much spiritual malnourishment in our culture--people are so hungry they can't see straight (the ability to see spiritual reality and truth is hugely diminished in our culture); they feel weak often; and sometimes they even collapse when some exertion is called for.  They simply need to eat more, and especially eat nourishing meals.

There's something quite powerful about acknowledging hunger and doing something about it to fill that need.  There's a kind of humility that comes from a recognition of our need.  Try as hard as you might with as much will power as you can muster, you simply can't go forever without food.  Death results if you try.

We are dependent upon nourishment.  And when we accept this reality, it builds a kind of trust and faith in the process of life.  We take responsibility for what we can in our lives and then trust the rest to the providence of Life.

God required daily manna-gathering to establish a daily discipline/habit of trust and faith in God's providence.  The spiritual cycle was:  God provides, the people gather and enjoy, the day ends; then God provides again, the people gather and enjoy enough for the day, the day ends; then God provides again with enough for that day, and the people gather and enjoy.

The whole point of a daily spiritual practice is to help reinforce both our sense of dependence as well as our reliance upon spiritual nourishment to fully and deeply live life for each day.  The cycle of faith and trust in the Providence of Life is this:  every day has just what we need for that day--so gather it, eat it, enjoy it, and live it.

How is your practice of daily spiritual eating?

"Today, I have everything I need.  I will choose not to be obsessed about yesterday or tomorrow but just about today.  I have enough from God to provide me with everything I need for this day.  Tomorrow's a new day.  So I will take God's manna to me today and live this day as fully, as passionately, and as purposefully as I have the strength to.  I will enjoy God's grace that comes just for this day.  Tomorrow will bring a fresh supply.  And I'll enjoy that, too!  Thank you, God, for your daily manna."

Fear Comes From a Place of Inadequacy

I just recorded this video clip today to talk a bit about where our sense of fear and worry tend to come from.  The reality is, you and I can't control what happens externally in all the circumstances of our lives.  But what we can affect is our internal responses to what life dishes to us.  And therein lies one of the secrets to developing inner peace in an age of anxiety.  Here's a piece of this perspective: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSFDALeWeN8]

Here's the way this reality is stated in one of the lessons from A Course in Miracles:  "It is obvious that any situation that causes you concern is associated with feelings of inadequacy, for otherwise you would believe that you could deal with the situation successfully.  But it is not by trusting yourself that you will gain confidence.  It is the strength of God in you that is successful in all things."  (p. 75)

The Point of Spiritual Practices

As all spiritual wisdom traditions emphasize, spiritual practices are designed to focus our attention on our true identity as children of God.  The chaos, busyness, and ear-spitting volume of the world around us tend to divert out attention from who we are.  We are tempted to buy in to the subtle and not so subtle message that our value comes from an identity as producers, consumers, and all the various roles we play in our lives.  And if we play those roles well, we can feel good about ourselves.  But if we fail or are inadequate in any way, we cannot give ourselves permission to feel good.  And this battle is endless, isn't it.

So our intentional choice to regularly engage in practices, activities, and experiences where we are reminded of who we really are irrespective of our roles and what the world says about us is absolutely crucial to being able to maintain a place of calm, centeredness, and internal peace in the midst of life's anxious chaos.  I must come to the place where I put more stock in what God says about me than in what others or even I say about me.  I must choose to believe God's word, "I am enough."

Upcoming 3 Night Series

That's one of the reasons why I'm doing a 3 night speaking series on this topic beginning a week from tonight (Oct. 19, 26, Nov. 2).  The event will take place at Fort Mason Center, the Bayfront Theatre (BATS Improv) in San Francisco.  It will be 90 minutes of teaching, inspiration, centering experiences, even a little music--all designed to reinforce our sense of who we are, that we are enough, and that we have divine resources to ground us in confidence to face our everyday lives.  Check out this INVITE for more information.  If you register, feel free to use the special discount code GregVIP for 50% off.

If you can't be here for these 3 nights, there will be recordings made available.  So leave me a note in the comment section below if you're interested in the recordings so you can get in on these hugely significant spiritual reminders.

We are enough!

One of the important spiritual teachers of our generation made this statement:  “Our whole spiritual transformation brings us to the point where we realize that in our own being, we are enough.”

You and I need this reminder often!  And I can say from personal experience, when I'm living out of that deeply sacred and divine center, my life takes on a profound sense of both calm and confidence as I show up in the world.  There's no better place from which to live.

Click here for more information about this upcoming series and to RSVP.  Only 1 week left.

Spirituality Is Like the Golden Gate Bridge, Part 1

I live in San Francisco which is a city primarily accessible from the north and east by bridges (the Golden Gate and the Bay Bridge).  You can reach the City from the south by land.  Only boats reach us from the west emerging from the Pacific Ocean into our Bay. Bridges are quite fascinating spiritual metaphors.  Take our Golden Gate bridge, for instance.  It's the ninth longest suspension span in the world (1.7 miles).  And believe me, my body has felt the pain of every inch of that span, having run in the SF marathon which crosses the bridge and back along the total route (about 8-9 miles in), with the bridge curving uphill from both ends to the center of the span!  It was brutal, especially with heavy fog and light mist in our typical July weather!

The bridge clearance is 220 feet from the high water.  It weighs 887,000 tons total.  And the two cables that span the bridge's suspension are each composed of 27,572 strands of wire. There are 80,000 miles (129,000 km) of wire in the two main cables, and it took over six months to spin them.

Construction on the bridge began on January 5, 1933, and the first cars drove across on May 28, 1937.  The toll was 50 cents one way, $1 round trip and 5 cents surcharge if there were more than 3 passengers.  Those were definitely the good 'ole days because the toll now is $6 per vehicle (charged only for southbound traffic).  Gotta love inflation!  The bridge traffic now averages about 41 million vehicles a year.

One of the most interesting Golden Gate Bridge facts is that only eleven workers died during construction, a new safety record for the time. In the 1930s, bridge builders expected 1 fatality per $1 million in construction costs, and builders expected 35 people to die while building the Golden Gate Bridge. One of the bridge's safety innovations was a net suspended under the floor. This net saved the lives of 19 men during construction, and they are often called the members of the "Half Way to Hell Club."

So why go to all the expensive, difficult, dangerous work to build this bridge?  Before the bridge was built, the only practical short route between San Francisco and what is now Marin County to the north was by boat across a section of San Francisco Bay. Ferry service began as early as 1820, with regularly scheduled service beginning in the 1840s for purposes of transporting water to San Francisco.  San Francisco was the largest American city still served primarily by ferry boats. Because it didn't have a permanent link with communities around the bay, the city's growth rate was below the national average.

But in spite of the need, the obstacles from opposition were strong.  Many experts said that a bridge couldn’t be built across the 6,700 ft (2,042 m) strait. It had strong, swirling tides and currents, with water 500 ft (150 m) in depth at the center of the channel, and frequent strong winds. Experts said that ferocious winds and blinding fogs would prevent construction and operation.  It was too costly on every level!

The Department of War was concerned that the bridge would interfere with ship traffic; the navy feared that a ship collision or sabotage to the bridge could block the entrance to one of its main harbors. Unions demanded guarantees that local workers would be favored for construction jobs. Southern Pacific Railroad, one of the most powerful business interests in California, opposed the bridge as competition to its ferry fleet and filed a lawsuit against the project, leading to a mass boycott of the ferry service.

But thankfully, strong vision, lots of courage, and collaboration between many dedicated experts, along with the investment of massive human and financial resources, produced a bridge that today is unarguably one of the most iconic structures in the world.

So what are some of the spiritual applications to this particular bridge metaphor?  Notice several.  First, the Golden Gate bridge looks like it's simply straight across and level from one side to the other - until you get on it and start traveling across, especially on foot at which time you realize it's actually uphill both directions.  A lot like the spiritual journey.  There's no such thing as a straight, flat distance.  Spirituality is about life and life has ups and downs even though you can't see them at first.  So don't get discouraged.  Keep running or walking, keep moving forward - you'll eventually get to the downhill side.  To get where you want to go, you need to cross the bridge.

Second, to build a strong bridge like the Golden Gate, every task is done with great care and persistence.  Look at the two main cables - 80,000 miles of wire, taking over six months to spin.  Imagine that - 6 months to do one spinning-the-wires task.  But without that attention to that specific project, the finished bridge wouldn't be still standing strong today.

Spirituality involves engaging in sometimes menial tasks - routine - repetitive - over and over and over again.  It's easy to take short cuts for the sake of brevity or expediting the process.  But healthy and deep spirituality is like a good wine - it takes time, careful and loving attention.  And some times you simply have to "sit with" it - let is simmer, percolate, age.  Spirituality takes patience and persistence.  Spinning the wires again and again.  Sometimes it doesn't feel very productive.  Our hearts aren't in it.  But we still do it.  It's a sacred routine that ultimately builds a strong spirituality - a holy bridge from here to there.

That's why the enduring religious traditions of the world have developed what they call spiritual practices - behaviors, activities, that you engage in over and over again - like spinning those wire cables around and around and around, each spin producing a stronger wire.  We pray, we meditate, we read, we serve others, we attend services, we practice healthy behaviors, we work on healthy thought patterns - over and over and over again - with each new practice, we're building a stronger, deeper receptivity to the Spirit, and transformation increases.

Look at how long it took to build the Golden Gate bridge - January 1933 to May 1937 - four years.  But because the builders took this strategic time and attention to the process 73 years ago, over 40 million vehicles today make it to their destinations safely every year.

Stay tuned to my next post - we'll look at two more ways I see the Golden Gate Bridge as a spiritual metaphor.  I'm reminded of these every time I walk or drive where I can see the bridge.  It truly is inspiring to me from every angle.

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