Strength-based Living is a Stewardship Issue

Benjamin Franklin once said:

"Wasted strengths are like sundials in the shade."

Have you ever tried reading time from a sundial in the shade?  Hard to do it, isn't it.  For a sundial to work, it needs to be--go figure--in the sun.

I walked into one of the parks in Golden Gate Park and got all excited when I saw an old sundial.  I couldn't wait to figure out the time with this ancient instrument.

And then, when I got closer, I noticed that tree branches had grown out and over the sundial essentially putting it in perpetual shade.  The sundial was worthless other than as an ancient artifact.

Truth is, wasted strengths are like sundials in the shade.

For you to be able to shine with the brightness you were made for, for you to be able to point accurately to your true timing so that you give maximum benefit to others, you must be in "your sun"---you must know and use your strengths.  No one else can do it for you.  You are the steward of your strengths.  Don't waste them.  They're some of the best, most effective resources you have.

Here's how it can look when you choose to wisely steward your strengths.  Let's see what lessons we can learn from one highly successful person.

Warren Buffett's Strengths Stewardship

Marcus Buckingham, in his book Now, Discover Your Strengths, talks about Warren Buffett.  He's one of the richest people in the world who comes from such humble beginnings in Omaha, Nebraska.  What a life he's lived.

Speaking to a roomful of students at the University of Nebraska, he said, "I may have more money than you do, but money doesn't make the difference."

To the students, many of whom could barely pay their phone bills each month, his observation seemed a bit glib.

But he continued:  "If there is any difference between you and me, it may simply be that I get up every day and have a chance to do what I love to do, every day.  If you want to learn anything from me, this is the best advice I can give you."

Though on the surface this appears to be the typical throwaway line from someone who's already banked their first billion, it's actually quite profound.

Turns out, Buffett is very sincere when he says this.  He loves what he does and genuinely believes that his reputation as the world's greatest investor is due in large part to his ability to carve out a role that plays to his strengths.

And his strengths as an investor actually are quite nontraditional and unexpected for high-powered successful investors these days.

Here's how it worked for him.  First, he is a very patient man, as opposed to the stereotypical impatient, high-speed, uber-active investor.  So he has turned his natural patience into his now famous "twenty-year perspective" that leads him to invest only in those companies whose trajectory he can forecast with some level of confidence for the next twenty years.

Second, his mind is more practical than conceptual.  So his practical mind made him suspicious of investing "theories" and broad market trends.    He once wrote in his Berkshire Hathaway annual report, "The only role of stock forecasters is to make fortune-tellers look good."  So he made the commitment to only invest in those companies whose products and services he could intuitively understand (e.g. Dairy Queen, Coca Cola, The Washington Post), the latest MBA theories and predictions be damned.

And third, he is inclined to be trusting of people's motives, not skeptical.  So he has put his trusting nature to good use by carefully vetting the senior managers of the companies in which he invested and then stepping back and away, letting them engage in their day-to-day operations without his interference.

Turns out, he's a world class investor because he deliberately and persistently plays to his strengths (his innate wiring and talents that he has honed with increased knowledge and skill through the years).

Buckingham makes this observation:  "The way he handles risk, the way he connects with other people, the way he makes his decisions, the way he derives satisfaction---not one of these is random.  They all form part of a unique pattern that is so stable his family and closest friends are able to recall its early tracings in the schoolyard in Omaha, Nebraska, half a century ago."  (p. 21)

Four Ways to Steward Your Strengths

So what lessons can we learn from Warren Buffett about how to effectively steward our best resources and strengths, about how we can be sundials in the sun not the shade?  What did he figure out that can serve as a practical guide for all of us?

"One, look inside yourself; Two, try to identify your strongest threads; Three, reinforce them with practice and learning; and Four, either find or carve out a role that draws on these strengths every day.  When you do these regularly, intentionally, and persistently, you will be more productive, more fulfilled, and more successful."  (p. 21)

These are exactly the four steps that comprise the outline of what I work on with all my coaching clients---and I do this work for myself, regularly and persistently.  In essence, I am helping myself and my clients to become wise and effective stewards of our best personal and professional resources---our God-given strengths.

I want for myself and for everyone else to be sundials that tell accurate time---and that are useful to others---because they're in the sun not the shade.  This is authenticity.

Hurricane Sandy and Tribalism: How Crisis Impacts Our Sense of Humanity

Hurricane Sandy and Two Symbols The tragedy this week unfolding on the Eastern seaboard of our country has been heart-rending. Not only the property destruction but the human devastation is mindblowing (79 deaths so far, and an estimated $50 billion of cost).  Clearly this has been a storm of epic proportions.

In the midst of this tragedy, there has also been a shining light--a very bright light, my opinion.  Watching the news yesterday and seeing New Jersey Governor Christy and President Obama working so closely together, praising and thanking each other for significant leadership in providing meaningful assistance on multiple levels, was heartwarming.

Here are two powerful symbols of contrast in this country--political opponents in every way--idealogues on opposite poles--both having criticized the other during the political campaigns--Gov. Christy being one of the outspoken surrocates for Mitt Romney, and President Obama running against Romney on almost everything.  And yet, in spite of these profound differences that have manifested at times in vitriolic political spewing, these two men have come together, worked together, embraced a similar vision and goal, and untiringly are working to stem the chaos and bring restoration and peace to that region.  And deeply affirming each other in the process.

And then to hear the stories of neighbors and community people immediately reaching out to each other, working hard to help save and restore lives--cleaning up the mess from flooding and wind damage, giving food and blankets and clothing, inviting people into their homes for shelter and safety.  And thousands across the country have been donating money and blood to the Red Cross.  No one goes through a "What Do We Agree On" checklist to decide whether or not they should help these people--if there are too many disagreements then no help can be given.  That would be ridiculous!  We'd actually label that "inhumane."  [Note:  It's tragic that so many congregations use this approach when deciding to accept or include some people, like gays, into their churches.  They would never do this during a natural disaster.  But when a crisis of spirituality and faith occurs, they exclude rather than include based on their check list.  What a lesson here!]

There's something about crisis that has the potential of bringing people, even political foes, together.  People are willing to move beyond their deep and profound differences for the sake of a common need.  It's powerful to witness, isn't it.

The Potential of Crisis

All of this has me thinking, why is it that crisis brings people together so often but then when the crisis is over everyone goes back to allowing their differences to create deep, unbridgeable chasms between them?  During crisis we can somehow look at the Other differently than after the crisis?  We see more in common than different during than after?  The fact that crisis brings people together shows that it is humanly possible to work and live together even in the midst of deep differences and disagreements.

What allows this to happen?  Here's one of the reasons.  Crisis causes a re-recognition of common humanity.  We suddenly realize that we're all connected in the most basic, fundamental way:  we are human beings living on one planet facing similar challenges, and so we sense a renewed responsibility for each other.  We are compelled to put our differences beneath our desire reach out to one another in restorative ways.

Typical tribalism shifts during these crisis times.  Instead of focusing first and foremost on our smaller, more immediate tribe (like our nationalism, our political affiliation, our religious belief, our local neighborhood and community, our biological family, and so forth), we are brought to the awareness that our first and most significant tribal affiliation is actually humanity--we are human beings living on the same planet with the responsibility of caring for each other.  We become much more global in these moments.  We prioritize our tribalism more globally.

And what is the result?  People come together, pull together, work together, in order to bring restoration, transformation, and a new normal into their damaged world.  Do they throw out their disagreements and start believing everything similarly?  No.  Do they deny their differences?  No.  But their common humanity takes precedence.  And so they serve each other no matter the odds and difficulties.  And the sense of community that is established is transformational.

A Parallel to Stages of Faith

On a spiritual level, this parallels the stages of faith, the process people go through in spiritual development and how they manifest their spirituality in different stages.  Of the four stages, stage two is the formal, institutional, fundamental worldview.  This is where most people tend to live.  There is a need for structure, certainty, organization--all of this serves to delineate faith and life, to carve out boundaries to help us understand the complexities; all of which help to bring a sense of security to the chaos of life.  So in stage two there is an emphasis on what separates us--our disagreements and differences, a tendency toward an "us" versus "them," an inside and an outside.  This is how we develop a certain basic spiritual identity.

So stage two people can become very threatened by those who believe differently.  And the fundamentalist outcome of this stage is to actually fight against those who are different in order to minimize the insecurity of identity we might be feeling.

Stage four faith is known as the mystical, communal worldview.  Dr. Scott Peck, in his book The Different Drum, describes it this way:  "This awareness leads to a deeper appreciation of the whole, the ability to love and embrace a world community by transcending individual culture and religion and other dividing lines that tend to separate people.  There’s a growing appreciation for the connectedness of all humanity with each other and with God and the awareness that God communicates to all people in equally unique and special ways that are communicated by means of symbols and metaphors and then lived out in meaningful practices and rituals."

So it's fascinating to me, as I watch events like Hurricane Sandy and its aftermath, how people respond to crisis.  On a spiritual level, people seem to move very quickly from a stage two kind of faith to a stage four faith.  In fact, experts tell us that we typically can only move from one spiritual stage to another as a result of crisis.  Without crisis to shake up our little worlds, we tend to be too comfortable to move forward.  Crisis suddenly upsets our spiritual equilibrium.  It often causes us to question our fundamental beliefs.  During and after crisis, we discover that the traditional spiritual answers seem too cliche and non-meaningful (like "God will protect you if you just believe in Him," or "This must be God's will," or "God is punishing the East because of gays," etc.--the point is that for people going through this crisis, those answers hold no meaning anymore, even those who held those beliefs cannot explain their current tragedies adequately through those cliche lens).  They don't seem to work anymore.

That whole series of thoughts and questions is actually a definition of stage three faith.  Says Dr. Peck:  "[These people] have gotten to a stage where the clearly defined paradigms and answers to questions given in stage two no longer satisfy and raise more doubts than can be satisfactorily answered.  They’re beginning to see that life is not as black and white as stage two thinks it is.  So they embark on a journey of dispensing with the orthodox, deconstructing previous beliefs, weighing everything by the scientific method, in order to search for 'truth' wherever it might lead."

So crisis has the ability to laser focus our lives quickly onto that which is most important.  And as I have seen in this week's tragedy, people almost automatically shift their worldview away from small tribalism to global connection.  And they can live and act this way in deeply satisfying ways to help mitigate the painful results of such tragedies.  And the result is that people are profoundly blessed and saved and empowered to keep on living and surviving and moving toward thriving again.

From t-ribalism to T-ribalism

I think this reality is hugely informative to us.  This week we've been reminded how important it is to live in a stage four kind of worldview (which I think is a deeply spiritual issue).  We've been shown how quickly we can get there.  Crisis motivates us and empowers us to almost immediately go global in our life lens.  We lay aside our more local tribalisms (the profound differences and disagreements between our politics, religion, family, community, even nationalisms) in order to step into our global tribe--the lens that reminds us we are first and foremost a part of one human family, all connected to each other, children of God no matter who we are.

We don't deny all our differences.  We don't compromise our beliefs.  We don't forget our smaller tribal identities.  Those are all still a part of each of us.  But we subsume them to a higher identity, a wider connection, a more fundamental relationship that is truly divine:  we are all children of God, family, intimately and eternally connected, heart to heart, body to body, soul to soul.  We have a divine responsibility to honor these connections to each other whenever and wherever we are.  We are called by God to be faithful stewards of our global human relationship.

This week our country has given evidence of this spiritual reality.  Thank you Gov. Christy and President Obama for being positive symbols of a faith that embraces our one human tribe.  Now may the rest of us manifest this stage of spiritual faith in our every day lives, within the circles we move and live--our congregations, temples, mosques, businesses, families, organizations.  Imagine what life could be like if we all pulled together (even in the midst of our disagreements and differences) and truly acted as one human family under God, brothers and sisters forever.

The Advent Story and The Two Sides of Divine Spirituality

The Popular Side of Divine Spirituality This is the time of year I tend to love studying the Best Buy ads, the Apple Store manifestos, the Amazon, GroupOn, Living Social deals piling up in my Inbox.  There's simply so much I'd love to have that I know would make my life more effective and efficient and enjoyable.  Right?

After all, this is the season especially synonymous with abundance, even extravagance. It's what we like about Christmas--the picture of God giving the most extravagant Gift possible in the form of the divine son of God. Heaven poured out the very best and highest priced offering to the human race. God held nothing back--the sign of immeasurable love and compassion.

So at Christmastime, we take our cues from that Sacred modeling and give valuable gifts to those we love. We break open our piggy banks and spend to show our love.

And of course Madison Avenue, with it's own extravagant advertising budgets, continually reminds us that abundance is the order of the day--and naturally they have just what we need to buy from them to give evidence of our extravagant love to our friends and families. This time of year pays homage to this multiple-billion dollar industry and its success.

But ironically, there is an equally significant dimension to the Advent story that often gets ignored or downplayed. For sure Madison Avenue doesn't want this concept trumpeted this time of year. Yet this dimension is also at the epicenter of true spirituality and an accurate picture of what God values.

It first appears in the Advent story in the personage and the place God chooses for the Royal Divine Son to be born. Of all the "qualified" people on planet earth to be chosen as the surrogate parents for God's Son, God chooses a very young, humble, uneducated, poor teenage girl and an equally humble, peasant class working man who lives off the sweat of his brow to provide for his family.

And of all the birthing sites available on earth for this divine Son to make his grand entrance, God chooses a dank, dark cave where the farm animals are kept. Even Motel 6 is bypassed.

What's up with these divine choices? Is there a message and modeling of godly spirituality here? What's this other side of the "extravagance" coin for God?

The Less Popular Side of Divine Spirituality

This part of the Incarnation story hints at a word that we don't always associate with spirituality much less this time of year: frugality. Now this is an intriguing word in this context. But don't be fooled--this is not describing an attitude and approach similar to the miserly Scrooge in the other Christmas story who goes around grunting, "Bah, humbug!" as he pinches his pennies, refusing to give any more than he absolutely has to.

No. According to one author, "Frugality is founded on the principle that all riches have limits." (Burke). Frugality is simply stewarding the resources we have in a way that acknowledges their limits. "You can't buy happiness is" one of the adages stemming from this paradigm.

I'm challenged by the way Elise Boulding puts it: "Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things."

Jesus' Countercultural Model

Jesus gets conceived by a poor, simple couple and birthed in a starkly frugal environment. For his early years he lives as an immigrant and refugee with his parents in Egypt. He's home schooled by his mother. He ends up taking over his dad's simple business as a carpenter and stone mason. And then when he finally begins his ministry-calling as an itinerant rabbi/preacher he doesn't even have a home to call his own, choosing to live with others along the paths of his travels.

Jesus' lifestyle wouldn't exactly be described today as extravagant by any means. He grew up in the midst of a profound frugality so he never developed an attitude of entitlement. He learned the happiness of not having things.

He was never encumbered by possessions--so much so that the only thing he ever really owned was a garment that was the most valuable thing the soldiers could find of his to roll the dice and bet each other for as he hung dying on the cross at the end of his life.  No physical assets other than the clothes on his back to include in a will after he died.

And yet he was happy as a human being. He laughed with his friends. He went to parties. Children loved being around him--which they don't tend to do with Scrooges. He sang songs, told stories, worked miracles. He found his greatest joy in surprising people with love and grace.

Frugality. He manifested it in a profound way by showing that riches have their limits and by teaching the happiness of not having things but choosing to live extravagantly in giving love to others.

Pay Attention To Both Sides of the Divine Coin

It's so easy to get seduced by the popular paradigms of our culture--that happiness comes most from what we possess, from an increase in our physical assets, from the gadgets and toys we have, the nice clothes we can wear.  This time of year we long for what so many advertisers hold in front of our eyes as those tools to possessing a better life.

But perhaps this Advent Season I would do well to remember both sides of the spirituality coin--not just extravagance but also frugality--the willingness to live life with an open hand, not grasping at things to hoard but giving and letting go, moving from a physical assets mentality to a relational assets mindset.  This is, like Jesus modeled, a very countercultural way to live. I'm learning that spiritual transformation and effectiveness involve both divine values, extravagance and frugality.

Self Care Isn't Selfish

"Self care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we touch."  -  Parker J. Palmer, Let Your Life Speak

It’s interesting how often people feel tinges of guilt when they take time for themselves away from what they feel are their “more important” life responsibilities like family, work, church, civic duties.  It’s interesting how some people think that devoting time to understanding themselves more deeply, processing their internal issues and responses to various life situations, evaluating themselves is a waste of time or at best “naval gazing” which implies that it’s an activity that produces nothing of value other than a narcissistic endeavor.

Do you ever struggle with those paradigms?

I am by nature a self-reflective person (an NF in the Myers Briggs sorter, a Type 4 in the Enneagram).  I get energized by going through the process of understanding my self with increasing clarity.  I could be considered by some a self-assessment and personal growth junky.  Well, maybe that’s overstating it a bit.  But I do put a premium on this process and journey.  Does that make me or others like me narcissistic?  Hmmm.  Depends.

Our use of the word narcissism comes from the Greek mythological figure Narcissus.  As the legend goes, Narcissus was a rugged hunter renowned for his beauty.  He was exceptionally proud, in that he disdained those who loved him.  As a divine punishment, he fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water, not realizing it was merely his own image.  And he wasted away to death, not being able to leave the beauty of his own reflection.

This Greek myth has been immortalized in literature, poetry, art, music, and even psychology.  It tends to refer to the negative human obsession with self, to get caught up in self-absorption, to be filled with vanity and pride at the expense of others.  Narcissus is never a hero, always a warning.

Psychology has labeled narcissism as one of the personality disorders that some people suffer from.  French writer Marie-Henri Beyle (who used the pen name Stendhal), in his novel Le Rouge et le Noir (1830), described the classic narcissist in the character of Mathilde:

“She looks at herself instead of looking at you, and so doesn't know you. During the two or three little outbursts of passion she has allowed herself in your favor, she has, by a great effort of imagination, seen in you the hero of her dreams, and not yourself as you really are.”

Many of us know people like Mathilde.  When we’re around them we never feel truly “seen” or “known” because life is always about them.  They seem incapable of moving past themselves to paying attention to others.  Narcissism.

But gazing into the pool of your personal reflection (looking into the mirror) is by itself not narcissism.  We need to have those authentic, honest times of healthy self reflection.  Dr. Parker Palmer refers to this important aspect of self care as “good stewardship of the only gift I have,” the gift of my self to the world.  If I’m not willing to spend time caring for my self, understanding my self, helping to bring more wholeness to my self, working to remove negative obstacles to my true self, than I won’t be able to give my best gift of self to the world.  I will wound others rather than lift them up.  I won’t be able to truly “see” them (like Mathilde) because I’ll be caught up in my own ego with all its insecurities (I admittedly have a lot to work on here).  The touch I bring to others will be hurtful rather than helpful.  And the world loses out.  And so do I.

So what are you doing for your self care?  Do you ever feel guilty when you take time for your self? How would you rate your stewardship of self?  Do you have an intentional self care plan you’re working this year? How are you showing up in the world these days?  Giving your best self?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.