The Biggest Comma in History

The more writing I do, the more significant I find grammar and punctuation to be.  Words matter.  And so do the tiny things like punctuation--those small dots or squiggly lines or curved symbols.  Get that wrong and it could change the entire course of history. I just read a review of a book I ordered by Dr. Robin Meyers (a UCC pastor in Oklahoma City) called "Saving Jesus From the Church."  The title is intriguing--it certainly caught my eye.  But his premise and propositions are even more so.  He writes for the purpose of restoring a fundamental meaning of Jesus that has been lost for centuries by Christians who continue to insist that the most important issue with Jesus is believing that he is the divine son of God.  Jesus has become no more and no less than the divine ticket for our salvation--confess Jesus as Lord and Savior and you will be saved from eternal death to eternal life.  But is that all there is to Jesus?

In fact, history shows that it wasn't until the 3rd and 4th centuries that the Christian church, by means of Church Councils, began to put a primary emphasis on clearly delineating the nature of Jesus as a nonnegotiable statement of belief.  In two of these famous doctrinal statements which are regularly recited in many Christian churches today--the Nicene and Apostles' Creeds--there is a major omission.  It's evidenced by punctuation.

Here's the way the Apostles' Creed describes the doctrine of Jesus:  "I believe in Jesus Christ, God's only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, and born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried."

Notice how the entire life of Jesus is summarized:  "born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate."  It's hard to believe, but all 33 years of Jesus' life are passed over in this doctrinal statement!  Everything Jesus did, everything Jesus taught, all of Jesus' wisdom passed over by punctuation.

Meyers comments on this with the statement, “The world’s greatest life is reduced to a comma” (p.207).

What Meyers is reminding us is that there is far more to Jesus than simply being a ticket to heaven.  There are too many Christians who want Jesus to only be the Answer when instead they should make him the Assignment.  Why such blatant narrowmindedness?  Is it because deep inside we're afraid that if we don't confess the right belief we'll miss out on heaven?  Is it because we think that repeating the correct formula guarantees our entrance to the next life?  Is it because we actually believe that, as one evangelical pastor said, "If we don't believe in the divinity of Jesus we have no compelling reason or motivation to follow him?"  Why such exclusive focus on a doctrinal statement?

Actually, the truth about this mono-focus could be as Meyers puts it:  “Christianity as only a belief system requires nothing but acquiescence. Christianity as a way of life, as a path to follow, requires a second birth, the conquest of ego, and new eyes with which to see the world. It is no wonder that we have preferred to be saved” (p.15).

Wouldn't it be tragic if such a tiny bit of punctuation like a comma would actually have kept millions of people through the ages of history from living like Jesus, from seeing Jesus as our ultimate model and example, the Way, the Truth, and the Life, the one who introduced a God whose ways lead to true life and radical transformation?

Robin Meyers makes this observation:  “Indeed, a quick glance around this broken world makes it painfully obvious that we don't need more arguments on behalf of God; we need more people who live as if they are in covenant with Unconditional Love, which is our best definition of God.”

Now that's the kind of world I want to live in!  That's the kind of world I want Jesus to empower me to help shape right here, right now!  That's the kind of world Jesus came to express, encourage, and excite in a way that simply can't be embodied in one tiny comma.  Let's not let that comma shape our history!  After all, Love is simply too big and too important to be reduced to a little punctuation mark on a small page in the dark recesses of church history.

Personal Obstacles to Your Roar of Awakening

What Is the Roar of Awakening? In my last blog, I told the story about the tiger who grew up thinking he was a goat but who finally discovered he was a tiger.  Read the story if you haven't already.  Upon his discovery, he let out a huge "roar of awakening."

The roar of awakening is the discovery that we are more than we think we are; we have taken on identities that incorrectly or inadequately express our essential being.  And when we arrive at this divinely-inspired realization, we experience a totally different reality that expresses itself in a new kind of personal power, passion, and confidence.

One of My Roars of Awakening

One of my roars of awakening came when a highly respected leader in the church I was pastoring years ago deeply yet firmly affirmed my leadership style and effectiveness.  I had just downplayed myself to him, making an observation about myself that I had held to be true for years.  I had been retelling this narrative to myself every time I encountered a difficult, and potentially conflict-inducing leadership moment.

He stopped me and said, "Greg, I never want to hear you say that about yourself again!  Ever!"

"Why?" I pressed back.  "I'm just being honest about myself."

"No!" he countered.  "You're not!  Because it's not true.  You're stating an identity that simply has no basis in fact."  And then he spent the next five minutes describing all the things he had observed about me in my leadership position which clearly countered my own self-perception.

As he boldly and articulately described what he both saw in and believed about me, the light of truth began to dawn in my mind.  I saw it for the first time.  He was right.  I had been living and believing both an incorrect and inadequate picture of my essential being.  I had been living as a goat instead of the tiger I really was.

As I look back now, I can see that that awakening was a watershed moment.  My leadership, the owning of my true leadership capabilities emanating from my unique essence, took on a new kind of power and confidence which resulted in profoundly effective outcomes as a spiritual leader and pastor.  I had found my "roar."

Obstacles to the Roar:  What Is the Narrative You've Been Living?

Have you considered what narratives you've been living in your life that might be incorrect or inadequate?  Have you ever taken the time to evaluate the truth about those personal narratives?

We don't only tell inadequate stories about ourselves.  We also hold incorrect narratives about others--perhaps our spouses or significant others, our colleagues, our bosses, our friends and family members.  The destructive power here is that as we keep retelling these perspectives they grow stronger.  They end up seeming truer and truer.  So this becomes the reality at the center of our relationships.  And we wonder why these relationships can never seem to improve or get better or be fixed.

Painful Consequences of a Wrong Narrative

It is astounding to me how many people are not living their own truth or the truth about others and so have not been able to step into their personal or relational divinely-given power to show up in the world with clarity, confidence, courage, and contentment.

Over the years of living in this unreality, they become satisfied with bleeting like goats instead of roaring like tigers.  After awhile, they actually come to believe that they are goats (imagine believing, for example, that you're in a "goat of a relationship" instead of a "tiger of a relationship"--how would that impact how you show up in that relationship?).

Consequently, they never seem to arrive in a place of alignment and congruence with who they really are or what the essence of their relationship truly can be.  There's a form of timidity or aggressive conflict they end up manifesting to themselves and to the other.  They might not even be aware of it.  But there's this subtle hesitancy they often seem to feel in many situations--an inability to really land and be grounded where they are.

In the religious world, we often tend to label this as humility, on the one hand, or righteous indignation, on the other.  Truth is, ironically we are actually spiritualizing this sense of inadequacy or conflict by giving it this spiritual attribute in order to feel okay about it.

But it never completely works for us--deep inside we long to be free of this timidity, hesitancy, and sense of personal and relational inadequacy.  Without being aware of it at times, we are actually hearing our tiger nature calling out from deep inside us to be embraced.

Our Calling

We cannot allow ourselves to be content with being a goat if our nature is actually a tiger.  We must embrace our tiger.  Only then will we awaken the roar.  Only then will we and our relationships exude a confident, genuinely compassionate presence in the world.  And we will be like Jesus, who with a boldness that comes from unconditional acceptance of his truth, loved others shamelessly and tirelessly.

Next time, What does it take to awaken our roar?

The Roar of Awakening: Are You Clear About Who You Are?

The Tiger/Goat Once upon a time* there was a tigress who was about to give birth. One day when she was out hunting she came upon a herd of goats. She gave chase, and even in her condition, managed to kill one of them, but the stress of the chase forced her into labor, and she died as she gave birth to a male cub. The goats, who had run away, returned when they sensed that the danger was over. Approaching the dead tigress, they discovered the newborn cub and adopted him into their herd.

The tiger cub grew up among the goats believing he, too, was a goat. He bleated as well as he could, he smelled like a goat, and ate only vegetation; in every respect he behaved like a goat. Yet within him beat the heart of a tiger.

All went well until the day that an older tiger approached the goat herd and attacked and killed one of the goats. The rest of the goats ran away as soon as they saw the old tiger, but our tiger/goat saw no reason to run away, of course, as he sensed no danger. The old tiger did not know what to make of this full-grown tiger who smelled like a goat, bleated like a goat, and in every other way acted like a goat. Not particularly sympathetic, the old tiger grabbed the young one by the scruff of the neck, dragged him to a nearby creek, and showed him his reflection in the water. But the young one was unimpressed with his own reflection; it meant nothing to him and he failed to see his similarity to the old tiger.

Frustrated by his lack of comprehension, the old tiger dragged the young one back to the place where he had made his kill. There he ripped a piece of meat from the dead goat and shoved it into the mouth of our young friend.

We can well imagine the young tiger’s shock and consternation. At first he gagged and tried spitting out the raw flesh, but the old tiger was determined to show the young one who he was, so he made sure the cub swallowed this new food, and this time there was a change.

Our young tiger now allowed himself to taste the raw flesh and the warm blood, and he ate this piece with gusto. When he finished chewing, the young tiger stretched, and then for the first time in his young life, he let out a powerful roar--the roar of a jungle cat. Then the two tigers disappeared together into the forest.

The young tiger’s roar is called the “roar of awakening."  This “roar of awakening” is the discovery that we are more than we think we are. It is the discovery that we have taken on identities that incorrectly or inadequately express our essential being. It is as though we awaken from the dream, look around, and become aware of a totally different reality.

* excerpted and adapted from the prologue of Embracing Ourselves, by Drs. Hal & Sidra Stone (1989)

Spirituality and Identity

Every major spiritual tradition has at the heart of its spirituality the process of coming to know your true self, who you really are, your divinely given identity.  I'm inspired in Jesus' story how many times God "roars" from heaven to affirm his true identity:  "You are my son, the one I love.  I'm so proud of you."

And in one of the more poignant vignettes, Jesus looks at his disciples and asks them an identity question:  "Who are people saying I am?"  And then driving it closer to home, "Who do you say I am?"

It's the "roar of awakening" to this truth about ourselves that empowers us to live like the tigers we are (not the goats we think we are).  When we're confused or in the dark about our spiritual identity, we get stuck, we live in the shadows of our truth, and false selves rise up to control us.  We become insecure, uncertain, anxious, fearful, allowing other people and circumstances to control our sense of value and worth and direction.  Our roaring turns to bleating.

In contrast, when you know who you are, you have an internal confidence and courage to live with deep compassion even when it looks like weakness.

Jesus' Radical Example

Jesus reveals this self-assurance and engages in his most radical and unselfish act in the upper room the night before he's executed:

³ "Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. ⁴ So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, ⁵ and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him."  (John 13)

Jesus lives in perfect alignment with his essence, his identity as Son of God.  He's completely clear about who he is, why he's here, and where he's going.  So he acts again and again in courage and boldness, even in the face of tremendous opposition which ultimately leads to his execution.

In the next few blogs, I'm going to talk about how we get back our "roar of awakening."  What tends to keep us from seeing ourselves as the tigers we are and instead thinking we're goats?  How can we wake up to our truth, to God's truth about us?  And how does that truth empower us to live boldly?  Stay tuned.

A Year of Awakening the Roar

What do you say you and I make the year 2012 "the Roar of Awakening."  Let's choose to step into all the power of our true essence not just some of it.  Let's do whatever it takes to clear away the obstacles keeping us from being our Truth.  Like Jesus, let's be so clear on who we are that we are radically empowered to live a world-transforming compassion.  Because that's who we really are!  It's time to awaken our roar!

The Advent Story and The Two Sides of Divine Spirituality

The Popular Side of Divine Spirituality This is the time of year I tend to love studying the Best Buy ads, the Apple Store manifestos, the Amazon, GroupOn, Living Social deals piling up in my Inbox.  There's simply so much I'd love to have that I know would make my life more effective and efficient and enjoyable.  Right?

After all, this is the season especially synonymous with abundance, even extravagance. It's what we like about Christmas--the picture of God giving the most extravagant Gift possible in the form of the divine son of God. Heaven poured out the very best and highest priced offering to the human race. God held nothing back--the sign of immeasurable love and compassion.

So at Christmastime, we take our cues from that Sacred modeling and give valuable gifts to those we love. We break open our piggy banks and spend to show our love.

And of course Madison Avenue, with it's own extravagant advertising budgets, continually reminds us that abundance is the order of the day--and naturally they have just what we need to buy from them to give evidence of our extravagant love to our friends and families. This time of year pays homage to this multiple-billion dollar industry and its success.

But ironically, there is an equally significant dimension to the Advent story that often gets ignored or downplayed. For sure Madison Avenue doesn't want this concept trumpeted this time of year. Yet this dimension is also at the epicenter of true spirituality and an accurate picture of what God values.

It first appears in the Advent story in the personage and the place God chooses for the Royal Divine Son to be born. Of all the "qualified" people on planet earth to be chosen as the surrogate parents for God's Son, God chooses a very young, humble, uneducated, poor teenage girl and an equally humble, peasant class working man who lives off the sweat of his brow to provide for his family.

And of all the birthing sites available on earth for this divine Son to make his grand entrance, God chooses a dank, dark cave where the farm animals are kept. Even Motel 6 is bypassed.

What's up with these divine choices? Is there a message and modeling of godly spirituality here? What's this other side of the "extravagance" coin for God?

The Less Popular Side of Divine Spirituality

This part of the Incarnation story hints at a word that we don't always associate with spirituality much less this time of year: frugality. Now this is an intriguing word in this context. But don't be fooled--this is not describing an attitude and approach similar to the miserly Scrooge in the other Christmas story who goes around grunting, "Bah, humbug!" as he pinches his pennies, refusing to give any more than he absolutely has to.

No. According to one author, "Frugality is founded on the principle that all riches have limits." (Burke). Frugality is simply stewarding the resources we have in a way that acknowledges their limits. "You can't buy happiness is" one of the adages stemming from this paradigm.

I'm challenged by the way Elise Boulding puts it: "Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things."

Jesus' Countercultural Model

Jesus gets conceived by a poor, simple couple and birthed in a starkly frugal environment. For his early years he lives as an immigrant and refugee with his parents in Egypt. He's home schooled by his mother. He ends up taking over his dad's simple business as a carpenter and stone mason. And then when he finally begins his ministry-calling as an itinerant rabbi/preacher he doesn't even have a home to call his own, choosing to live with others along the paths of his travels.

Jesus' lifestyle wouldn't exactly be described today as extravagant by any means. He grew up in the midst of a profound frugality so he never developed an attitude of entitlement. He learned the happiness of not having things.

He was never encumbered by possessions--so much so that the only thing he ever really owned was a garment that was the most valuable thing the soldiers could find of his to roll the dice and bet each other for as he hung dying on the cross at the end of his life.  No physical assets other than the clothes on his back to include in a will after he died.

And yet he was happy as a human being. He laughed with his friends. He went to parties. Children loved being around him--which they don't tend to do with Scrooges. He sang songs, told stories, worked miracles. He found his greatest joy in surprising people with love and grace.

Frugality. He manifested it in a profound way by showing that riches have their limits and by teaching the happiness of not having things but choosing to live extravagantly in giving love to others.

Pay Attention To Both Sides of the Divine Coin

It's so easy to get seduced by the popular paradigms of our culture--that happiness comes most from what we possess, from an increase in our physical assets, from the gadgets and toys we have, the nice clothes we can wear.  This time of year we long for what so many advertisers hold in front of our eyes as those tools to possessing a better life.

But perhaps this Advent Season I would do well to remember both sides of the spirituality coin--not just extravagance but also frugality--the willingness to live life with an open hand, not grasping at things to hoard but giving and letting go, moving from a physical assets mentality to a relational assets mindset.  This is, like Jesus modeled, a very countercultural way to live. I'm learning that spiritual transformation and effectiveness involve both divine values, extravagance and frugality.

Encountering God in the Dark Zones

I have to admit I don't especially enjoy the unknown, uncertainty.  I'd rather have a clear picture of where I am and where I'm going.  My strengths of vision and strategy tend to compel me to always want to be moving toward clarity and purpose.  Looking through blurred lenses doesn't appeal to me.  In fact, when I wore eye glasses, I was always cleaning the lenses as the day progressed (kind of like I do with my iPhone).  I just happen to like to see things clearly.  I'd prefer not being in dark zones where I can't see very well. And then I read the following profound statement from the Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield.  It challenged me and immediately brought to mind some powerful scriptures that reinforce this truth.

"It is the basic principle of spiritual life that we learn the deepest things in unknown territory. Often it is when we feel most confused inwardly and are in the midst of our greatest difficulties that something new will open. We awaken most easily to the mystery of life through our weakest side. The areas of our greatest strength, where we are the most competent and clearest, tend to keep us away from the mystery."

Jesus and Seeds

Jesus used seed planting as a spiritual metaphor.  And when you unpack it, the similarities of what Kornfield is suggesting are striking.  The seed is planted under ground--it lives in the deep dark place of the unknown--seemingly entombed in a coffin of nothingness and insignificance and apparent defeat.  And right there, in this dark zone, is the essence of life.  The seed has within it the entire and ultimate fulfillment of life.  And in time the seed begins to sprout--new life emerges--and the plant pushes through the dark dirt out of the unseen into the seen and vibrant life above ground.  As Jesus said, unless the seed falls into the ground and "dies," it remains alone, unseen, unfruitful.  (Matthew 13)

Life comes into being in the unknown territory where we are in what appears to be great difficulties and confusions, operating in our weakest side, in what feels often like defeat and despair.  But that's when we encounter the Mystery.

Creation and the Void

In fact, that is the Hebrew picture of the creation story that sets up the earthly paradigm of how God operates.  "And the earth was empty, a formless void and mass cloaked in darkness."  (Genesis 1:2)  Do you ever feel like that's your life--a void, devoid of meaning and purpose and expectant shape--where you wonder where in the world God is?

But as this story of origins continues, it's in this dark nothingness that the Divine Wind (the Spirit/Breath of God) is blowing as it is "hovering over [the void's] surface.  Then God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light."  (Genesis 1:2-3)  And God continues to breathe words into this void so that even in the nothingness--this unknown territory--life is present.  And because of the Sacred Wind, life emerges, takes shape, is formed into the most amazing realities.

God hovers in the middle of the dark, formless voids in our lives, too.  If we can become still enough, and with courage peer into our dark places, we will encounter that hovering Spirit--we will feel the very breath of God blowing Presence and Life there.  We will encounter the Mystery in our unknown territory.

No wonder the Hebrew poet said, "Be still and know that I am God."  (Psalm 46:10)  As it turns out, according to the poem's context, this intentional stilling of one's self occurs in the midst of terrible upheaval, trouble, and dismay.  The poet is reminding us that even in this "darkness" and void, "The LORD Almighty is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress."  (Psalm 46:7, 11)

We encounter God in the middle of what we so often feel are circumstances devoid of the divine presence.  No matter how unknown your territory might seem, God is still there.

Paul's Weakness

Paul says, "When I am weak, then I am strong.  So now I boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me ... Because this Jesus told me, 'My grace is sufficient for you.  My power works best in your weakness.'"  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

In our weaknesses, in our difficulties, in the unknown territory that makes us feel out of control, over our heads, unable to navigate well, even feeling like failures--that's when we encounter the power of God that produces life.  If, as Paul quotes here, God's power works best in our weaknesses, than why are we so quick to get rid of them?  Why do we tend to run from them or even sweep them under the rug?

Encountering God in the Dark Zones

Maybe we shouldn't run so quickly from our weaknesses and difficulties.  Maybe we should learn to stay put in those painful places.  Not because we need to love pain and hardship.  But because we can encounter the Divine there.  We can experience a side of ourselves that God chooses to show up in even when we're trying to deny it.  God brings grace to our places of greatest need.  Strength doesn't need grace.  Need needs grace.  Weakness needs grace.  Uncertainty needs grace.  Anxiousness and lack of clarity need grace.

That's why, if you look at the symbol of the Yin and Yang (in Chinese Taoism), which represents the polarities of life that exist together and come and go in cycles, within each side is a small circle of the opposite.  A piece of darkness always exists in light, and a piece of light always exists in darkness--you cannot have one without the other--or another way of saying it is, you can find one while in the other.  At night you still have the stars in the sky.  During the day, you still have shadows.  And in the transitions between those cycles, both exist in varying degrees.  So in Taoist philosophy, you needn't be afraid of or run from the other.  You learn to embrace the whole cycle and rhythm of life as bringing necessary transformation and depth.

"My power is made perfect in your weakness," Jesus told Paul.  "And the Spirit of God was hovering over the dark, formless void," describes the creation story.  God lives even in the darkest voids of our lives.

So maybe we shouldn't be so quick to try escaping from our dark places lest we miss out on the profound, life producing, strong and empowering presence of divine grace.  God operates in a very counter-intuitive way:  it's in the dark zones God is breathing life and we inhale that Life and we are brought to greater life.

The Spiritual Practice of Daily Eating

There's a fascinating story in the Hebrew scriptures about the Jews during their wandering in the desert.  They've just been freed from slavery in Egypt.  God is taking them to the Promised Land where they will "set up shop" in a land they will call their own, learning how to live out their identity as children of God.  On this journey through the wilderness God engages them with numerous ways to learn the art of trust and faith.  They must lean into a new identity, from slaves to free people. In the middle of the desert, they cry out to God for food.  God ends up feeding them with what comes to be called "manna," bread from heaven.  It falls on the camp every morning for the people to gather and enjoy.

Significantly, God tells them about a unique quality of this manna that will forever engage them in an act of faith and trust--the manna will last only for one day.  "Gather of it, each one of you, as much as you can eat."  But no one is to leave any of it till the next morning.  No one is to try to stockpile it for future days.  Whoever tries to keep it overnight will discover that by the morning it will breed worms and become spoiled.  There will be enough for each day, but one day at a time.  Every morning, the people will need to go out and gather as much as they want for that day.

This is a genius system that God is reinforcing with these newly liberated people.  God is emphasizing the necessity and significance of daily sustenance.  God gives enough for each day.  Which means that each new day requires intentional "gathering" and "eating."  You can't live on yesterday's sustenance!

This has led spiritual traditions to emphasize the development of daily, regular spiritual practices that nourish the soul, heart, mind, and body.

My wife and I have found indispensable our daily morning spiritual practice of sacred readings, reflections, and prayer.  We have found spiritual transformation is taking place in rich, deep, and grounding ways from that daily foundation.

Most people would never consider that eating one meal would fill them up so that they never have to eat another meal again.  In fact, eating food is actually a daily habit for most of us!  Our bodies are designed to need this regular routine.  And what's more, we enjoy eating!

Why is it that when it comes to the spiritual life so many people allow themselves to go for long periods of time without "eating" and receiving nourishment?  This explains why there is so much spiritual malnourishment in our culture--people are so hungry they can't see straight (the ability to see spiritual reality and truth is hugely diminished in our culture); they feel weak often; and sometimes they even collapse when some exertion is called for.  They simply need to eat more, and especially eat nourishing meals.

There's something quite powerful about acknowledging hunger and doing something about it to fill that need.  There's a kind of humility that comes from a recognition of our need.  Try as hard as you might with as much will power as you can muster, you simply can't go forever without food.  Death results if you try.

We are dependent upon nourishment.  And when we accept this reality, it builds a kind of trust and faith in the process of life.  We take responsibility for what we can in our lives and then trust the rest to the providence of Life.

God required daily manna-gathering to establish a daily discipline/habit of trust and faith in God's providence.  The spiritual cycle was:  God provides, the people gather and enjoy, the day ends; then God provides again, the people gather and enjoy enough for the day, the day ends; then God provides again with enough for that day, and the people gather and enjoy.

The whole point of a daily spiritual practice is to help reinforce both our sense of dependence as well as our reliance upon spiritual nourishment to fully and deeply live life for each day.  The cycle of faith and trust in the Providence of Life is this:  every day has just what we need for that day--so gather it, eat it, enjoy it, and live it.

How is your practice of daily spiritual eating?

"Today, I have everything I need.  I will choose not to be obsessed about yesterday or tomorrow but just about today.  I have enough from God to provide me with everything I need for this day.  Tomorrow's a new day.  So I will take God's manna to me today and live this day as fully, as passionately, and as purposefully as I have the strength to.  I will enjoy God's grace that comes just for this day.  Tomorrow will bring a fresh supply.  And I'll enjoy that, too!  Thank you, God, for your daily manna."

"HOW TO BREATHE MORE SOUL INTO YOUR LIFE: A 14 Day Curriculum for Transformational Spirituality"

WHEN:  Beginning Sunday, November 6, 5:30 p.m. PST WHY:  As the Indy formula race cars show us, the more high performance, "thoroughbred" a machine is, the more strategic pit stops they need--to refuel, retread, restore, and restreamline.

Look at the picture at the right.  Notice how many things are happening to this Indy car during the race.  Notice how the entire crew is servicing driver and car.

Here's the way an article about pitstops describes the significance of this activity:  "By making pit stops cars can carry less fuel, and therefore be lighter and faster, and use softer tires that wear faster but provide more grip. Teams usually plan for each of their cars to pit following a planned schedule, the number of stops determined by the fuel capacity of the car, tire lifespan, and tradeoff of time lost in the pits versus how much time may be gained on the race track through the benefits of pit stops. Choosing the optimum pit strategy of how many stops to make and when to make them is crucial in having a successful race."

Beyond the most visible services performed during a pitstop, such as refueling the car and changing tires, other important services include removing debris from radiator air intakes; cleaning the windshield; and making adjustments to tire pressure, suspension settings, and aerodynamic devices to optimize the car's performance for the current conditions. In endurance racing, scheduled driver changes and brake pad replacements are also considered "routine" service when done as part of a scheduled pit stop.

All of these activities are considered vital to achieving maximum effectiveness and necessary endurance in the race.  If you want to race, you have to have pitstops.

We are not designed to engage in the race of life without regular pitstops, without developing practices that refuel and retread our souls, hearts, minds, and bodies, that clean the radiators and windshields of our lives so we can have maximum oxygen ("Spirit Wind") intake to our souls & hearts!  If you find yourself in an endless cycle of giving, giving, giving to all the worlds in your life, where are you going to stop and receive, refuel, refresh yourself??  If you want to finish the race well, you must learn the art of strategic pitstops.

WHAT:  This is a specialized curriculum on how to develop a deeper, more meaningful, personalized spiritual path. It's all about building specific intentional ways to experience the benefits of daily "sabbathing" your week. People have found this to be very transformational in establishing regularity to their creation of a meaningful spiritual practice.

Over a two week process, I help unpack this experience by providing daily journaling/reflection assignments, and, depending upon which program you choose, I bring personalized guidance, support, and encouraging accountability to shaping a deeper spiritual journey.

HOW: The format will include you receiving, via email, your daily assignments every day Monday through Friday (and two of the options will include live phone coaching). You will have the weekend to catch up or do additional reflection on your daily assignments. You will want to carve out at least 15 minutes every day for your commitment to step into the daily journaling and reflection exercises. These are deep, insightful, meaningful and soul expanding exercises. The Journey will last for 14 days.

OPTIONS:

• Option 1: Email curriculum only.  You will join the first group phone call for an introduction and best practice suggestions. Then you will be emailed your daily reflection assignment Monday through Friday for the two weeks. $45.

• Option 2: Group Coaching with the daily email curriculum.  There will 3 group phone calls: Sunday, November 6, 5:30 p.m. PST, Sunday, November 13, 5:30 p.m. PST (as a mid-curriculum check in), and Sunday, November 20, 5:30 p.m. PST as a final wrap up. Greg will be giving coaching feedback to help you shape your spiritual journey during this time, responding to questions, going over the curriculum and providing guidance. $125.

• Option 3: Individualized coaching with curriculum.  This will include the 3 group phone calls plus another 2 phone calls individually with Greg (as follow up to the 14 day curriculum), helping you to shape a very personalized spiritual path, with opportunity to receive guidance on specific difficulties, challenges, questions. $275.

WHEN YOU SIGN UP, you will receive via email the phone call-in instructions.  The three group coaching phone calls will be recorded so those who sign up can access them at any time afterwards.

Why should you sign up?  You were not designed to zoom through life nonstop, 24/7.  Like a finely tuned, high performance Indy race car, you need regular pit stops for refueling and refreshing and retreading. This is called Soul Care.

So you are invited to step into this process wherever you are, with all that you bring, and all that you want. Whatever language is meaningful to you: you are carving out the space to attract more Soul into your life, you are re-calibrating the vibrations and the energy you have around spirituality and life, you are stepping into this with faith for more, you are seeking alignment between what you hope for and your reality, you are fostering the framework that works for you and you are creating the soul art that will move you.

DEADLINE TO RSVP:  To get in on this 14 day spiritual experience, you must sign up by Friday, November 4.  After you RSVP, you will receive information on how to access the first phone call and materials.

FOR MORE INFORMATION & TO RSVP GO TO Breathing More Soul.

There's Power in a Creative Pause

This week I was pointed to an online article called "What Happened To Downtime? The Extinction Of Deep Thinking And Sacred Space."  The author is Scott Belsky, CEO of Behance and author of the national bestselling book Making Ideas Happen.  He's speaking a very prophetic word to our contemporary culture. Dangers of Living in a Digital Age

Living in a digital-age where we are connected 24/7 through our technologies, the experience of interruption-free space is almost nonexistent.  Even airlines these days are beginning to offer mobile and digital connectivity on flights, that last bastion of forced, no-guilt relaxation opportunity.

But this constant plugged-in existence is doing great damage to our souls and imaginations.

"Despite the incredible power and potential of sacred spaces, they are quickly becoming extinct. We are depriving ourselves of every opportunity for disconnection. And our imaginations suffer the consequences."

Creating Creative Pauses

What this means is that we have to be especially intentional about carving out what Belsky calls "the creative pause"--learning to savor downtime which is one of the most effective ways to enhance our imagination for life.  We have to be willing to shape times when we unplug and disconnect in order to plug in and connect to to a whole different Spirit.

The ancient Jews called this sacred experience Sabbath.  It was intentional, weekly sacred space carved out for the purpose of plugging in to the Divine Life in a renewed and revitalized way.  It was a tool to remind them of their spiritual identity as children of God--"We are not simply consumers and producers (brickmakers for the Pharoah and rulers of worldly empires).  We are children of the God of Heaven who calls us His own and gifts us with love, compassion, and goodness--not for what we do but simply for who we are."

Benefits of Uninterrupted Sacred Space

There is tremendous power in this kind of creative pause and uninterrupted sacred space.  Notice the way eminent Jewish philosopher and theologian Abraham Joshua Heschel describes it:

“In the tempestuous ocean of time and toil there are islands of stillness where man may enter a harbor and reclaim his dignity.  The island is the Sabbath, a day of detachment from things, instruments and practical affairs, as well as attachment to the spirit . . . The Sabbath is the exodus from tension, the liberation of man from his own muddiness, the installation of man as a sovereign in the world of time.”

Notice all the words that describe benefits from observing sabbath:  reclaiming dignity, deeper attachment to the true spirit of life, exodus from tension, liberation from identity confusion, restoring a sense of sovereignty over your time instead of being a victim to time.  Who among us wouldn't want these experiences?

I truly believe that one of the great spiritual practices for our contemporary culture is this intentional choice to savor downtime, to establish a creative pause, to carve out sacred space, to learn the art of sabbathing our time--to use these sacred moments to remind ourselves of our deepest core identity as interconnected human beings, sovereign children of God, loved and valued not for what we do for but for who we are.

My Wednesday Night Speaking Series

This is one of the reasons I have planned this public speaking event for Wednesday nights, right smack dab in the middle of our busy, frenetic weeks.  It's an opportunity to step into a creative pause and sacred space to enhance the depth of our lives as we reconnect with the Spirit.  We need regular appointments like this because we all know the powerful benefits of regularity.  You don't eat a meal only once, saying to yourself that since you've just eaten and you feel full that must be enough.  You eat again and again, with regularity, in order to sustain your life.

If you aren't living close enough to San Francisco to get in on these Wednesday night events but would still like to set aside a creative pause to view them, the videos will be made available soon.  I'll be happy to let you know when and how to access them.  Email me (greg@flyagaincoaching.com).  Here's the information about the series.  Check it out.

Your Intentional Choice

Let's face it:  we live in a world where we're confronted with the sometimes overwhelming temptation to stay connected and plugged in to our technologies and communities 24/7.  Little by little, the life in our souls is seeping out through over-stimulation and nonstop activity.  We're paying a very high price.

Belsky challenges us:  "Soon enough, planes, trains, subways, and, yes, showers will offer the option of staying connected. Knowing that we cannot rely on spaces that force us to unplug to survive much longer, we must be proactive in creating these spaces for ourselves. And when we have a precious opportunity to NOT be connected, we should develop the capacity to use it and protect it."

This is definitely a word to the wise for our generation.  How will you go about sabbathing your life?  What intentionality will you choose to manifest to experience sacred space and downtime?  Why not enjoy the profound life power in a creative pause.

My Offer To You

One of the things I do is coach people on how to develop this kind of deeply personal, meaningful spiritual path.  I have a 7 Day Curriculum called "How To Breathe More Soul Into Your Life"--it's all about developing specific intentional ways to experience the benefits of daily sabbathing your week.  People have found this to be very transformational in establishing regularity to the spiritual habit/practice.  Over a four week process (in four customized phone calls), I help unpack this experience, provide daily assignments, and help bring support and encouraging accountability to this personalized journey.

I'm willing to give a 10% discount to my blog readers for this coaching experience which begins Monday, Nov 7.  Contact me in the next 5 days (by Oct. 26) to take advantage of this discount.  Email me for the details (greg@flyagaincoaching.com).

Fear Comes From a Place of Inadequacy

I just recorded this video clip today to talk a bit about where our sense of fear and worry tend to come from.  The reality is, you and I can't control what happens externally in all the circumstances of our lives.  But what we can affect is our internal responses to what life dishes to us.  And therein lies one of the secrets to developing inner peace in an age of anxiety.  Here's a piece of this perspective: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSFDALeWeN8]

Here's the way this reality is stated in one of the lessons from A Course in Miracles:  "It is obvious that any situation that causes you concern is associated with feelings of inadequacy, for otherwise you would believe that you could deal with the situation successfully.  But it is not by trusting yourself that you will gain confidence.  It is the strength of God in you that is successful in all things."  (p. 75)

The Point of Spiritual Practices

As all spiritual wisdom traditions emphasize, spiritual practices are designed to focus our attention on our true identity as children of God.  The chaos, busyness, and ear-spitting volume of the world around us tend to divert out attention from who we are.  We are tempted to buy in to the subtle and not so subtle message that our value comes from an identity as producers, consumers, and all the various roles we play in our lives.  And if we play those roles well, we can feel good about ourselves.  But if we fail or are inadequate in any way, we cannot give ourselves permission to feel good.  And this battle is endless, isn't it.

So our intentional choice to regularly engage in practices, activities, and experiences where we are reminded of who we really are irrespective of our roles and what the world says about us is absolutely crucial to being able to maintain a place of calm, centeredness, and internal peace in the midst of life's anxious chaos.  I must come to the place where I put more stock in what God says about me than in what others or even I say about me.  I must choose to believe God's word, "I am enough."

Upcoming 3 Night Series

That's one of the reasons why I'm doing a 3 night speaking series on this topic beginning a week from tonight (Oct. 19, 26, Nov. 2).  The event will take place at Fort Mason Center, the Bayfront Theatre (BATS Improv) in San Francisco.  It will be 90 minutes of teaching, inspiration, centering experiences, even a little music--all designed to reinforce our sense of who we are, that we are enough, and that we have divine resources to ground us in confidence to face our everyday lives.  Check out this INVITE for more information.  If you register, feel free to use the special discount code GregVIP for 50% off.

If you can't be here for these 3 nights, there will be recordings made available.  So leave me a note in the comment section below if you're interested in the recordings so you can get in on these hugely significant spiritual reminders.

We are enough!

One of the important spiritual teachers of our generation made this statement:  “Our whole spiritual transformation brings us to the point where we realize that in our own being, we are enough.”

You and I need this reminder often!  And I can say from personal experience, when I'm living out of that deeply sacred and divine center, my life takes on a profound sense of both calm and confidence as I show up in the world.  There's no better place from which to live.

Click here for more information about this upcoming series and to RSVP.  Only 1 week left.

Peace Like War Must Be Waged: What It Takes To Develop Inner Peace

This week my wife and I were in New York City for some business.  We had never taken the public tour of the United Nations Headquarters before,  so we got our visitors passes and went.  I was very moved as the guide took us around the headquarters building and described both the history of the UN and the many initiatives the UN continues to work on around the world. One of the most impressive statements to me was on a plaque:  "Peace like war must be waged."  Turns out actor George Clooney used that statement in a public service announcement to highlight the important work of the UN Peacekeepers.  Here's the 60 second spot:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-2rv8s8Zmg]

"Peace like war must be waged."  We often don't think of peace in those terms.  We talk about fighting wars, waging battles in order to have territorial, national, and international victories.  War is synonymous with action and powerful initiative.

And yet peace takes the same kind of energy, intentionality, and powerful initiative.  Peace doesn't just happen.  You can't sit around and hope for it.  You have to work for it ... hard!  You have to want it so badly that you're willing to expend lots of energy and personal resources to obtain it.

Here's what Clooney's ad stated:  “Peace is not just a colored ribbon. It’s more than a wristband or a t-shirt. It’s not just a donation or a 5 K race. It’s not just a folk song, or a white dove. And peace is certainly more than a celebrity endorsement. Peace is a full time job. It’s protecting civilians, overseeing elections, and disarming ex-combatants. The UN has over 100,000 Peacekeepers on the ground, in places others can’t or won’t go, doing things others can’t or won’t do. Peace, like war, must be waged.”

Think of all the peace movements in history--the civil rights movement with Martin Luther King, Jr., Indian independence and equality with Gandhi, the women's suffrage movement for voting rights and greater equality.  None of these or any others just happened.  Peace had to be waged just as hard and as strategically as any war in history.  Huge obstacles had to be overcome.  And those peace battles continue needing to be waged even in our present in order to build on the successes of the past and bring about ever greater levels of equality.

Peace like war must be waged.

I'm thinking a lot about this as I prepare for a public speaking series here in San Francisco in 10 days (3 nights: October 19, 26, November 2).  My  topic is "Living Worry Free:  Developing Inner Peace in an Age of Anxiety."  Here's the link for the invitation.

The reality is, inner peace isn't something that simply happens or shows up in your life, either.  You can't just sit up on top of a mountain like the stereotypical guru meditating peace into your life.  Since most of us have to live "normal" lives in the "real" world, we can't be on retreat 24/7 away from the hustle and bustle.  Meditation is, to be sure, a highly significant tool (I'll be talking about that in my series).

But for you to have the ability to live life in the midst of all the chaos, uncertainty, anxiety, worry, stress, and busyness with a deeper sense of calm, contentment, and nonanxious presence, you're going to have to work at it--develop the ability--wage the battle to experience and enjoy this deeper place.  You're going to have to battle all the forces in our culture and world and our own divided selves that can keep you from that inward attitude and experience.

So how are you waging for peace in your life these days?  What strategies are you utilizing to build a deeper inner peace?

It can be strategies as simple as thankfulness--keeping a regular gratitude journal--or mindfulness (the "be here now" mantra which says, "In this moment, I have everything I need").

Believe me, as simple as using those tools might seem, we all battle internal walls that make it challenging for us to utilize them.  I'm going to talk in the upcoming series about what these obstacles are and why they're so difficult to face.  But if we neglect these available tools and resources, we push away the possibility for lasting and meaningful inner peace.

Wars are fought in this world to protect something of great value.  Even the desire to expand territory comes from a place of fear to protect something.  Imagine how many human lives have been sacrificed for these causes.

Even so, peace--that inner place of sacred calm--must be established and protected at great cost.  But instead of being motivated by fear, the development of peace is motivated by love.  And the reality is, our motivations impact our strategies.

What are the ways we can proactively engage in this protective pursuit?  How can we protect our inner sanctuary where God's presence dwells so that we are empowered to show up in life with more calm and peace, grounded in the divine goodness?

That's what I'm going to talk about in my upcoming series.  And I'll blog about each session so those of you who can't be here in San Francisco in person can get in on this hugely significant content.  For some of you, some of the strategies will be new.  For others of you, they will be reminders.  But for all of us, we will be able to center on the truth that even in the midst of chaos both outside and inside us, we can clear the way for a peace which passes all understanding which radiates out to transform our worlds in profound ways.

Peace like war must be waged.  The United Nations is on to something here.  Maybe we need to emulate the passionate and intentional initiative in our spiritual lives.

The Significance of God's Tattoo

When you see the word "tenderness" what do you think of?  Tattoos, right?  Those two words usually go together, don't they? Well, I can't say I typically think of them in the same sentence.  Which probably shows my inadequate understanding about body art as being portrayed by the stereotypical picture of the Hells Angel Harley-storming brute whose tattoos make him look like a modern day pirate with some dark form of the skull and crossbones etched into his bulging biceps.  Not my best mental depiction of tenderness.

And yet ... I have seen some beautiful skin art.  I love asking a tattoo-wearing person if there's a story behind their picture.  There almost always is--a commemoration of someone or something meaningful and significant to them, or a symbol of their sense of purpose in life, or simply a depiction of something they like.  I've heard some evocative and very moving stories from these wearers about how the pictures move them deeply and inspire them regularly.

Which at times tends to end up reminding me of how "tattoos" and "tenderness" are related, even in the divine realm.  Notice this picture:

¹⁴ But you have said, “The LORD has forsaken me, And my Lord has forgotten me.” ¹⁵ But I the LORD say, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. ¹⁶ See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; You are continually before Me."  (Isaiah 49)

God is pictured feeling tender love and compassion for her children.  In fact, the word compassion is from the word tenderness.  It literally means "cherishing the fetus in her womb."

Think of how much care a mother gives to the baby she carries inside her.  Once she learns she's pregnant, she immediately makes some lifestyle changes to make sure the child grows in healthy ways--she stops drinking alcohol, eats more fruits and vegetables, stops smoking, tries to reduce unnecessary stress, and the list goes on.  She does all this because she knows that even before the baby is born that child is nursing from her and receiving nourishment on every level.  So she even sings to her baby and speaks words of love and affirmation.

And then once the child is born, tenderness continues.  The same word "compassion" in this text also literally means "to fondle."  I well remember wonderful moments of tenderness when my kids were babies.  One of my favorites was me leaning back on the couch, holding my baby on my chest, and feeling completely relaxed and at peace with that precious bundle of life wrapped in my arms.  It was such a tender moment for me and a place of absolute safety and love for my child.  That fondling expressed a powerful covenant and commitment of value I placed on my baby.

When the mother nurses her baby, her own body is changed and impacted from these acts of love and care--oxytocin is released which tends to increase the mother's sense of wellbeing and happiness.  Studies have shown that even feeding the baby with a bottle (like for fathers or a care-giver who can't breastfeed), if the baby is held with a spirit of tenderness and loving care, releases oxytocin into the system.

So think of all this tenderness, cherishing, compassion, fondling in loving care that the parent feels for her child.  Think of all of this in fact moving and transforming the parent at the same time it's providing increasing confidence and security for the baby.  This mutual, symbiotic relationship is a metaphor for the divine relationship with us.

And then the bible text reveals a stunning reality--to memorialize this tender relationship, God has tattooed our name onto Her hand.  "I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands; you are continually before me."

What art display has God drawn on Her hand to depict you me?  Is it a symbol of some kind?  A scene?  A word or few that describe my essence?  Maybe even a cross carved into Her hand with my name on it?  Kind of intriguing to imagine, isn't it.

Whatever the tattoo is, She looks at it often ("continually," says the text).  And every time She looks at the tattoo She's reminded of Her eternal love and tenderness for me.  That's why She has the tattoo.  She can never forget me.  Her divine essence moves and stirs with compassion every time She sees the tattoo and thinks of me.  She never forgets.  Like loving and nurturing parents, She loves me without conditions.  There's nothing I could ever do or not do to eradicate my identity as Her beloved child.  Once a child, always a child, period, forever!

Divine body art.  God's tattoo.  Infinite tenderness.

The french word for tenderness is poignant.  Used in conjunction with les bras ("the arms"), the related verb entendre means "to stretch out one's arms" in a gesture of welcoming love.

Picture it:  God stands with outstretched arms eager to embrace you, hold you, enfold you in Her arms; to cuddle You in safety, longing, and intense compassion.

So next time I hit a moment of discouragement, self doubt, insecurity, uncertainty, loneliness, or weakness, I'm going to try to remember:  my name, my picture, is tattooed on God's hand; at this very moment God is looking at it, thinking of me with absolute tenderness.  And She is holding out Her arms, inviting me into Her holy embrace, that ultimate, eternal place of safety and security where I remember who I am and who God is and how loved and valued I am to Her forever.

And She's got a tattoo to prove it!  I wonder what Her body art about you is like?

Attending to the Inner Critic

The Inner Critic We all have one.  It's that voice so often speaking inside our heads that makes judgements about us.  Sometimes it takes the tone and sound of one of our parents or another adult from our growing up years--they criticized us for not measuring up, for failing, communicating clearly that we didn't have it, we couldn't make it, we blew it and we'll blow it again.

Someone recently told me about his Inner Critic's primary message:  "You'll never make anything of yourself!  You'll never amount to anything!"  It always has the voice of his dad who has put him down his whole life and has never expressed any true belief in his abilities.  He's labeled his Inner Critic, "The Chairman of the Board."  This voice has always had the last word, the word of ultimate authority.  And it has prevented him from living his own life in freedom, with a sense of value, and possibility.

I definitely have an Inner Critic.  I got off the phone today after engaging in negotiation over a coaching contract with the CFO of an organization.  I felt really strong.  I was pleased with myself and the confidence with which I had presented a proposal.

And then suddenly my Inner Critic piped up and in no uncertain terms reminded me of a very small but silly comment I made in passing during the phone conversation.  As I listened, the "voice" started berating me and criticizing me.  I was tempted to believe it once again and discount the entire conversation along with my credibility.  I saw my Inner Critic looking at me holding up the big L on its forehead...Loser!  And the irony was, all evidence to the contrary.

Why Is the Inner Critic So Powerful?

Does that ever happen to you?  The Inner Critic is powerful.  Why?  Because we have given it power.  Because we've heard it for so long.  Because it speaks partial truth at times so that some of what it says is believable and we tend to lump all of what it says into that partially believable part.  And because whenever it speaks, it doesn't equivocate or articulate timidly.  It always speaks with authority and clarity.  Right?

The Essence of the Inner Critic's Message

Even Jesus battled this Inner Critic, this Shadow part that showed up in the form of the devil, the tempter.  The Bible elsewhere describes this Voice as "the accuser of the people."  Man, do we know this Inner Critic!

After Jesus was baptized in the Jordan River, he was led by the Spirit into the wilderness desert to be alone, to confront himself, his identity, his calling.  The voice of his heavenly father at his baptism was still ringing in his ears:  "You are my son, the one I love; I'm so proud and pleased with you."

Then the Critic showed up.  In essence It said, "So you think you're the Son of God, huh?  You think you're someone special?  NO way!  Not unless you can turn stones into bread.  You think you're someone special?  NO way!  Not unless you can jump off the pinnacle of the Temple and have angels break your fall.  NO way!  Not unless you acknowledge Me, honor me, listen to and believe everything I say.  You're no different than anyone else!  Good try!"

Notice the essence of this Critic's voice which echoes our Inner Critic all the time:  it's calling into question our identity, our sense of value and worth, our belief in ourselves and what God is calling us to be and do. It accuses us of being Nobodies.  It's connecting performance with success and identity.  So if we blow it or act out or fail at times, the Chairman of our Board bellows, "See, you're nothing.  I told you!  You'll never amount to anything!"

Our Inner Critic always connects performance with value.  So we end up only giving ourselves permission to feel good about ourselves when we perform well or are doing something "valuable" and "successful" (and usually we've bought into the ego-culture's definitions of those two terms).

I'm wrestling with this temptation from my Inner Critic a lot these days.  I'm in the middle of a big transition professionally, from spending most of my time pastoring a spiritual community to spending more time being a public speaker and spiritual teacher.  Others have taken leadership with the spiritual community and my wife and I are working hard developing strategic plans to begin speaking and teaching in the City and beyond.  So right now, one thing has ended but the new thing has yet to begin.  I'm in the "no man's land" of transition's middle zone.  And I struggle with a loss of identity and the corresponding sense of current "uselessness."

My Inner Critic isn't whispering It's critique of me, It's bellowing it.  Maybe I won't be able to pull off this transition to another manifestation of my Calling.  Maybe we'll try and it won't work.  What if no one shows up to the public events we plan?  What if no one cares about what we have to say?  What if I've lost whatever mojo I once had?  What if we can't earn enough income to make it?  What if?  What if?  "See, you're really amounting to nothing after all.  You're not good enough.  You won't make it.  You're not who you think you are, you're a nobody."

So how do you attend to the Inner Critic in a way that doesn't cripple you?  Here are several important strategies I've learned.

Strategies to Effectively Attending to Your Inner Critic

Honor the Voice--learn Its wisdom.  This is a counter-intuitive step.  The truth is, our Inner Critic speaks so loudly because It's trying to tell us something.  Believe it or not, it does have some wisdom for us.  Unfortunately, It often couches Its words in negative value statements.  But beneath those devaluing observations, It does have a role.  That role might be different for all of us.  It might be trying to keep us from doing something we'd regret later, like making a fool of ourselves, or biting off something we're not ready to handle, or doing something that might not be safe.  The Inner Critic speaks warnings ultimately to protect us, like oftentimes our parents tried to do. It wants to make sure we're considering all the angles before jumping into something.

I've learned that this process is not about silencing the voice as much as properly attending to it.

If we are willing to honor that Voice by assuring the Inner Critic that we will take Its warning into consideration and will not purposely try to do something dangerous or foolish, that we'll be strategic and wise in what we do, the Voice actually tends to quiet.  It wants to be heard and respected.  And we can listen to what we need to hear in its statements and honor those parts.  And then simply not embrace or accept the negative value judgments.

Say to It, "What is the wisdom you have for me?  What are the cautions I need to pay attention to?  How can I assure you I won't be foolish and unwise here?"  Honor and respect the voice of wisdom in It and then let go of the value judgments about identity and worth.  You're not a Loser no matter what you do or what happens.

Honor THE Voice--don't play the identity game.  Though my client has named his Inner Critic "Chairman of the Board," the truth is, there's only one Voice that we should give that title to.  Jesus got it right.  His first response to the Tempter and Accuser was, "Man should not live by bread alone but by every word that comes out of the mouth of God."

The Accuser had just challenged Jesus to prove his divine sonship by turning the desert stones into bread.  Jesus refused to play that identity game.  "I don't need to prove anything about who I am.  I don't perform my way into an identity.  I accept my identity as a state of being given to me as a gift the moment I was born.   I'm choosing to listen to the words of The Chairman of the Board, the One who just reminded me at my baptism who I am by telling me, 'You are my son, the one I love; I'm so pleased with and proud of you.'  That Voice is the one that counts to me when it comes to my identity, value, and ultimate worth!"

The next time your Inner Critic bellows that you're a failure, a loser, and that you need to do much better at performing and proving yourself otherwise you don't count, don't buy it.  Remind yourself of the Highest Voice who assures you that you're a child of God with ultimate and eternal value no matter what!  Your identity is secure, period.

Can we learn from our mistakes and foibles and even failures?  Of course.  We should.  The Inner Critic has wisdom for us to learn from if we allow ourselves to listen.  And sometimes we have to work hard to catch what It's saying "in-between the lines" of Its judgments and criticisms.

Choose to play the right game.  When my Inner Critic, after my phone call, reminded me of my silly statement, I stopped for a moment, replayed that part, and ended up saying, "Good point.  I was trying to be funny and light when I made that silly comment but I didn't need to.  I could have left that out.  It didn't add any value to the conversation and my point.  Next time, I'll remember and not feel the need to throw something like that in."

But then I chose to refuse the Voice's judgement label of Loser on me and went about my work, celebrating how strong I was on the call and my hope for a profitable outcome.  "I am a divine son who is called by God and loved by God and infused with eternal value and worth, no matter what happens.  Thank you for that secure and solid identity!  Now I'll keep moving forward, being as wise and strategic as I can, and knowing I'm the Man all along the way!" :)

Don't get caught up in your Inner Critic's identity game.  Only allow the true Chairman of the Board to settle that issue for you.

In Jesus' story, once the Critic-Accuser-Tempter crossed this line by demanding worship (an act of bowing to something as ultimate authority) , Jesus did a major push back and rebuked It by saying, "Get behind me!  Be gone!"  He refused to play the identity game.  He refused to give the highest status to It.  Only God is the Chairman of the Board who always pronounces value and worth and acknowledges inherent goodness.

So honor the wisdom of the Inner Critic and learn what you need to learn from It.  But don't mix Its messages up with your identity.  Don't get sucked into that game.  When it comes to identity, choose to play the right game:  listen to and honor the Voice of God who has the most authoritative handle on your identity as a loved and pleasing child of God, forever and period!  Beyond that it's all logistics and strategy.

Spirituality and Focus: Are You A Fox Or A Hedgehog?

"What the country needs right now is a good hedgehog."  So begins Wednesday's insightful editorial by Arianna Huffington ("Why America Is Deeply in Need of a Good Hedgehog").  Which begs the question:  what is a hedgehog and why do we need one? Fox Or Hedgehog?

She references Isaiah Berlin, well-known British philosopher, who in 1953 laid out two opposing styles of leadership--foxes and hedgehogs--taking his cue from a line in an ancient Greek poem by Archilochus: "The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing."

She notes:  "According to Berlin, the fox will 'pursue many ends, often unrelated and even contradictory, connected, if at all, only in some de facto way.' In contrast, the hedgehog offers an 'unchanging, all embracing... unitary inner vision.'"  The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing.

The Power of Focus

So why is this an important quality?  There's something very powerful about focus.  Recent brain science tells us that focus and attention on something you believe is possible actually prompt the brain to begin charting a path, called a motor map, toward the realization of that goal.  The brain acts on the power of your focus and begins setting into place (creating) what you imagine.  From your focus, it actually determines the best route that will take you to your goal.

Cultural Habits Work Against Us

So with this built-in tool to help us, why is it so difficult?  We live in a culture that demands our attention every time we turn around.  And we've given it 24/7 access to us through our smartphones, computers, iPads, laptops, radio, TV.  I notice that when I'm working on my computer, even though I'm deeply focused on the screen with what I'm doing, my eyes wander to the 20 other tabs I have open in my browser.  And before I know it, I'm browsing the latest news in those tabs.  Or I hear a text come to my iPhone so I immediately look at it.  Focus gone.  Attention lost.  And when I return to my document, I have to read again what I've already written in order to get back into focus.  Time lost.

Comparing Hedgehogs and Foxes

The power of the hedgehog is its focus on the one big thing important to it.  It drills down without distraction or dilution.  It focuses on what it knows it does best and does it again and again.

The fox is all over the place, going really fast here and there.  It's very busy and active--it has a million different ideas, scampering from one to the other.  It might look to an outside observer that it's sure getting 'er done and being really successful.

But busyness isn't synonymous with effectiveness.  Activity, activating, don't necessarily mean productively purposeful or purposefully productive.

So whenever the fox wants to grab the hedgehog for its next meal, attempting its million different strategies for stealth attacks, the hedgehog simply rolls into a spiky ball.  And the fox ends up the loser every time.

So what is that one big important thing to you?  What do you live for?  What do you work for?  What are you in relationships for?  Is there a common thread in those life areas that would help define your "one big important" thing?  What are you truly focused on?  What holds your attention?  What do you know you're better at than anything else?  What one thing do you wish you could do more than all others?  Answering those questions will help to identify your hedgehog.

Hedgehog Spirituality

All spiritual traditions through the centuries have reminded us that effective spirituality is about developing focus and attention.  You could call it Hedgehog Spirituality.

I'm reminded of one of the successful spiritual luminaries in the Bible who delivered a very hedgehog-like statement:  "¹³ I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."  (Philippians 3)

St. Paul expresses a very hedgehogian perspective.  "I focus on this one thing."  Remember, the fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing.  And St. Paul is choosing to stay focused on his one thing.

And to do this hedgehog-like experience, notice what he has to include:  forgetting the past, and pressing on to the end goal.  That's the power of focus.

Brain scientists tells us that when we focus on one thing thing (especially inspirational, positive things like hope, allowing our imaginations to hold it and savor it), our brains immediately go to work establishing neural pathways that short circuit our tendency to fear which as St. Paul describes it can keep us anchored in the past.  That positive focus engages our brain centers in charge of activating our behaviors to achieve that focus goal.  As St. Paul said in another place, "By beholding, we become changed."

St. Paul's choice to focus and give powerful attention empowers him to stay pressing on, even when the going gets rough and tough and discouraging.  Giving focus to our One Big Thing activates our brain to keep us pushing forward.

Runners all know that when you're running a fast race like the 100 yard dash you have to keep your face pointed forward.  Otherwise, the moment you look around or sneak a glance sideways or backwards, your body loses speed, easing up even a tiny bit.  And that tiny bit can cost you the win.

Notice the three runners in the picture at the right.  Where are they focusing?  Keep your focus forward.

St. Paul's Hedgehog

I'm inspired by St. Paul's One Big Thing--that which he kept his eyes upon, what he allowed his mind to savor and attend to.  God through Jesus Christ.  A few verses before this, Paul refers to the faithfulness of God.  Paul is motivated, his life propelled forward, by his focus on a God revealed through Jesus who is faithful, who loves him without condition, who breathes life and soul into his spirit freely and abundantly, who has a prize waiting for him at the end of his race whether he comes in first or last.  Faithfulness, compassion, relentless tenderness--the big L, Love.

Your Hedgehog

Imagine living your entire life with your One Big Thing as Love, the divine kind of love.  Imagine how that focus and attention would empower you to show up every where you go in Love--showing up at work in Love, showing up at home in Love, showing up at the grocery store in Love, showing up in your relationships in Love, showing up in your conflicts in Love, showing up in our world of need in Love.

What would it take to make Love your One Big Thing, your hedgehog, the one thing you do better than anything else, the one thing you are keeping your face forward focusing on, leaning into, savoring?  And then imagine receiving that heavenly reward from the hands of a God who has been there beside you every step of the way.

What the world needs right now is a good hedgehog!

Why Take the Time For Self Development

46th Session This week I had the 46th session with a coaching client.  We started our journey together a year ago.  This is the longest I've coached a client - 46 sessions!  What has impressed me with this client's experience has been that it's only been in the last month that more visible break-throughs have been taking place.  I have seen profound transformation in his way of thinking about himself and life and how he's showing up in the world.  He has much more clarity as well as fulfillment these days.

My typical coaching approach has involved working with clients sometimes for a month, most often for 3 months, sometimes for 6 months (all involving weekly sessions).  I've helped people through life transitions, establishing personal dreams, developing strategic plans for business or personal issues, helping them achieve clarity about their strengths and life purpose, defining a new personal faith.  All very helpful journeys, according to their personal testimonies.

But in this case, we've continued for 46 sessions - mostly at his request - and certainly I've agreed with the value.  But significant change has happened lately that has caused me to realize some very significant realities about life growth as it relates to this lengthier journey.  Thought I'd share three of them with you in this week's blog post.

One, personal growth takes time. 

Regardless of your view of God and how God operates in the messy human process of growth, God rarely seems to simply "snap his finger" to transform people.  Pray as hard as you might, growth isn't based upon a magical formula that occurs in the "twinkling of an eye."  Genuine change takes time - it doesn't matter what the personal or relational issue, meaningful transformation simply takes time.

There's a reason why so many spiritual wisdom traditions call spirituality a "journey."  Personal growth is a process, a path.  Even Jesus called himself "the way."  Notice he didn't say "the point" or "the moment."  He's the way.  He's describing the process of spiritual growth - becoming a follower on a path which involves a journey that takes place over time, in fact over one's entire lifetime.  It's as though he's saying, "Follow me.  Watch me.  Consider me, what I do and how I do it.  Walk with me and observe, reflect upon, question, weigh, and wrestle with it all.  Practice what you observe with me.  Learn how to lean into it.  Be a follower on the journey."  Those kinds of experiences don't happen over night.  There's no simple formula.  Personal growth takes time.

Two, personal growth involves developing new ways of thinking.

No wonder it takes time.  Our thoughts create our realities.  In fact, some experts say there is no difference between cause and effect - our thoughts produce our experiences (and vice versa) simultaneously.  What we think, is.  So if we want to change our experiences, we have to change our thoughts.  Our thoughts are the fabric of all the stories we tell ourselves and others about ourselves, about others, about all of life, even about God.  Our stories (what we think and say about all of this) are the sum total of the thoughts we string together to describe what we think we're seeing and observing.  Our thoughts create the lens through which we see life. So if something isn't working well or serving us well in our lives, we have to evaluate carefully and honestly our lens (what thoughts we're stringing together to describe what we think is reality).

And if that lens is hazy or dirty or smudged or cracked, that impacts what we see.  This is why spiritual traditions describe the journey of spirituality as the process of cleaning the lens or even changing the lens through which we look.

St. Paul described this process:  ^"11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. ¹² Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely."  (1 Corinthians 13)

He likens seeing through a cloudy lens as being a child.  When we're kids, our ability to see and understand the realities of life are limited.  Kids have nightmares or bad dreams about things that aren't real.  And many of us adults still have that limitation. :)

I remember having nightmares as a kid about gorillas.  I would wake up scared to death that the gorilla was in my room ready to eat me up.  My mom says she would often awaken in the middle of the night feeling this "presence" beside the bed and when she opened her eyes she would see me standing there (still asleep) but white as a ghost.  Rather unnerving for a parent (not to mention this little child).  A child's ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy is not well developed.  Kids are seeing imperfectly through "a cloudy mirror," as St. Paul put it.

As I've grown up, I don't have nightmares about gorillas anymore (thank goodness!).  But I do have more sophisticated fears that can equally incapacitate me at times and which sometimes prove to be equally fantastical (not based on reality, not true).  My gorillas have turned into fears about my worthiness, my ability to succeed, whether people will accept me or admire me, etc., etc.  I've at times gone into situations with other people completely sure that they would judge me or criticize me because of my past, only to end up experiencing just the opposite from them.  I almost allowed my "seeing through the cloudy mirror" to keep me from showing up in that group which would have caused me to miss out on a wonderful experience.

Kids don't understand the nuances in human relationships - life tends to be more black and white.  Maturation, human development and growth, is about learning the process of seeing more clearly, and sometimes of even having to change the lens because the lens is simply not true.

Notice that St. Paul describes his current knowing as "impartial and incomplete."  But he looks to that time when he will know everything "completely" (fully, accurately, wisely, without limitations that are self-imposed or otherwise), which he describes as the way God sees us.  The point he's making is that that path between those two times (from unknowing to knowing) isn't bridged instantaneously.  Personal growth takes time because it involves learning how to think more maturely and wisely, more divinely.  We have to grow up, to develop.  "By beholding, we become changed."  Are we beholding truth and reality or old "truth" and unreality?  Change the lens to behold clearly.

Three, personal growth necessitates personal patience and profound acceptance.  I'm getting better at giving myself some slack for the lack of perfection in my life.  That doesn't mean I'm choosing not to take self responsibility.  In fact, I'm taking more ownership for my life with all its foibles and dirty lens and my determined responsibility to make necessary changes then ever before.  But I'm learning to give myself more patience and self-acceptance along the way.

One author I was reading this week said that the most important gift we can give ourselves and others is acceptance.  It's a counter-intuitive choice.  Contrary to popular opinion, accepting doesn't prohibit or stifle growth, it actually fosters it.  "Accepting people as they are has the miraculous affect of helping them improve" (Marianne Williamson, Return To Love, p. 162).  In fact, this kind of acceptance is the most divine act we can engage in.  That's what Paul was saying earlier - God knows us completely - and as the next verse says, God loves us just as completely.  "¹³ Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."  (1 Corinthians 13)

The power of divine grace is that God considers us perfectly acceptable every step along the way of our journey into greater wholeness and maturity and development (take a look at one of my favorite bible texts, Hebrews 10:14):  Perfectly acceptable to God while we're in the process of becoming more and more whole.

That attitude of profound acceptance toward us is what empowers us with the courage to continue the journey of growth, to keep learning and struggling and becoming, to changing the lens so that we see ourselves-others-and God more clearly and perfectly, to being courageous enough to let go of the old stories we almost immediately tell ourselves when something negative happens to us, to changing our "childish" thoughts into more mature and loving ones.   We end up showing up with way more love in all our relationships and life experiences.

Personal growth necessitates personal patience and profound acceptance.

My forty-six client sessions have been such an amazing learning experience for me.  My client is not at the same place where he was a year ago.  His old paralyzing stories - his cloudy mirror - are changing and being replaced with the truth about himself and the promise of his profound potential.  There is tremendous value in allowing someone else into your life for such a long, specifically directed period of time.  That's the power of having a coach or other trusted person to help guide the journey.

And the journey has helped to change me, too.  Forty-six sessions!

The Princess and the Frog: How Love Works As the Key to Transform Relationships

The Frog and the Princess Do you remember the fairy tale about the frog and the princess?  A beautiful princess loses her favorite play thing, a dazzling golden globe, in a pond.  A frog ends up finding it and bringing it back to her.  Delighted and grateful, she promises the frog that it can come to her palace (never thinking it will take her up on the offer).  The frog shows up later, much to her dismay and disgust.  But feeling convicted of her need to be true to her word, she lets him enter, feeds him every day, and puts him to sleep every night in her bed.  And then one morning, feeling sorry for it, she plants a gentle kiss on its head.  Suddenly, the frog turns into a handsome prince ...  and in true fairy tale fashion, they live happily ever after.

This simple story reveals the deep psychological connection between our attitudes toward people and their capacity for transformation.  As one author says, "Only what you have not given is lacking in any situation."  A counter-intuitive concept, isn't it.

As it turns out in the tale, the frog had once been a prince but had come under the evil spell of a wicked witch.  She had turned him into a frog to live in a pond forever or at least until someone kissed him again.  Sounds like the story of the Beauty and the Beast.  An act you would least think of doing or even want to do is the act that brings transformation.

Our Typical Approach:  the Blame Game

The author's statement is unusual to how we typically think.  We often look at others (the people in our lives closest to us, especially) and think that the way they're choosing to behave is creating the lack in our relationship.  "If she or he would just act this way or that way, we'd have a great relationship."  Our focus is on wishing for something different from them.  So we'll cajole, criticize, guilt, shame, or "encourage" a change in their behavior.  It's the typical blame game.

But the quotation above states a counter-intuitive reality:  what is lacking in any situation is what WE are not giving to it.  That's not to say that the other person doesn't have responsibility for their behavior and actions in how they are contributing to either pain or joy, peace or conflict.  They do have responsibility.  But you and I cannot force their responsibility.  And our delusion is in thinking we can "help" them change their ways.  And as we often discover, unfortunately that only exacerbates the issues, certainly our own personal frustration and pain.

3 Principles for Healthy Relationships

Years ago I read Cecil Osborne's book "The Art of Understanding Your Mate" in which he points out that there are 3 primary principles in developing healthy, fulfilling relationships:  1.  I cannot change other people; 2.  I can only change myself; 3.  But other people tend to change in response to my change.

Sounds like the fairy tale.  As much as the princess shrank in disgust from housing the ugly frog, it was only when she softened her heart toward it and then ended up kissing it, that the frog was transformed back into what it had originally been created--a handsome prince.  There was no amount of arguing, cajoling, guilting, shaming, forcing, criticizing she could do to change that frog.  She had to change her attitude first.

So you and I have to ask ourselves the questions, "What is lacking in this relationship?  What am I not giving that I can give to it from a place of authentic heart and soul?"

Loving First Is the Highest Way

Marianne Williamson, in her book "The Return to Love," states this reality:  "What this signifies is the miraculous power of love to create a context in which people naturally blossom into their highest potential.  Neither nagging, trying to get people to change, criticizing, or fixing can do that.  The Course says we think we're going to understand people in order to figure out whether or not they're worthy of our love, but that actually, until we love them, we can never understand them.  What is not loved is not understood."

In the fairy tale, the princess doesn't suddenly know the trick for transformation.  She isn't aware a handsome prince is hiding inside the skin of an ugly, warty frog.  She doesn't therefore simply grit her teeth and force herself to endure the gross act of kissing the ugly thing.  She comes to a place where her heart softens to a frog not a prince.  And she ends up kissing the frog in an act of gentle acceptance.  When her heart was in a place of "pure love" her act brought transformation.

Now let's be honest:  I don't think the princess ever really enjoyed having the cold, damp, warty frog sleeping in her bed or eating at the table right beside her in the royal dining room.  We don't have to like the difficult characteristics of the people in our lives.  And in some cases, their dysfunctions might be so dangerous for us we have to separate from them for safety's sake.  We can't hold ourselves responsible for their irresponsible attitudes and behaviors.  Sometimes, no amount of personal change can change the other.

But the principle is true:  what is not loved is not understood; and accurately understanding the other is the foundation for compassion, empathy, and respect which all combine to reinforce a space of love which is the only environment in which genuine transformation can take place. Without that love and understanding, we hold ourselves separate from people and wait for them to earn our love or we resort to trying to force their change through whatever devious or not so subtle ways we can think up.

Accessing the Divine Miracle

So Marianne continues:  "But people deserve our love because of what God created them to be.  As long as we're waiting for them to be anything better, we will constantly be disappointed.  But when we choose to join with them, through approval and unconditional love, the miracle kicks in for both parties.  This is the primary key, the ultimate miracle, in relationships."  (p-129-130)

Our attitude toward people powerfully impacts their capacity for transformation.  The rub is that they have the ultimate choice (the whole freedom thing) for what they want to do with it.  And painfully, sometimes they choose not to respond in kind to our love.  But if transformation is going to happen, it will happen through our choice to love first.

But Frogs Are Disgusting!

The whole thought of kissing a frog is pretty disgusting.  I grew up in the rice paddies of Japan spearing frogs for entertainment, not kissing them (I'm ashamed to admit ... I'm still not sure where that behavior came from ... the tendency toward violence of little boys is scary).  We were told that if you even handled frogs you would get their worts.  The whole point is that we were instilled with the attitude that you simply stay away from or certainly don't get close to, much less handle frogs.

No wonder this fairy tale points to such a counter-intuitive experience that we don't have much proclivity toward.  We carry this "hold at arm's distance" philosophy into our human relationships.  Relating to The Other (those who are different from us, who don't act or believe like us) is extremely difficult.  So we tend to insist on the other "changing" first - we want them to change to become more like us in order for us to accept them and love them and embrace them.

We see this paradigm manifested in attitudes toward people of other religions and belief systems, sexual orientations, political parties, racial profiles, and yes, even in our closest relationships in marriage, romance, and friendships.  No wonder our world is in such a mess!

Following the Divine Way

I'm reminded of the divine example for how this works.  The disciple always considered closest to Jesus writes about it this way:

^"10This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a way to show His divine love in the midst of our waywardness.  ¹¹ Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. ¹² No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us."  1 John 4

The divine way is "kissing the frog" when it's still a frog.  Notice the radical, countercultural dimension of this approach:  it's when we love each other in this way that the fullest expression of God is experienced in both the giver and the receiver.  It is the only way that the full expression of divine love is grown in us which results in transformation.  God knows that.  So God acts first.  And the frog turns back into the prince.  That's the divine miracle we receive and we pass on.

I know I can be such a frog at times!  I'm painfully aware of many of my warts--I am awakening to more and more.  Thank God my wife keeps kissing me!  My princehood is awakening.  The miracle continues ... and it empowers a desire for me to do the same with others.   Imagine a whole world where love keeps awakening everyone to their true royalty!  Now that's a world I want to live in.