Three Ways to Shift Your Focus and Re-Shape Your Life

I read an insightful article in the Harvard Business Review last year by Kare Anderson, co-founder of the Say It Better Center and  a best-selling author.  The title was "What Captures Your Attention Controls Your Life."  She makes this statement:

“Whatever we focus upon actually wires our neurons. For example, pessimistic people see setbacks and unhappy events as Personal (It's worst for me), Pervasive (Everything is now worse) and Permanent (It will always be this way) according to Learned Optimism author Marty Seligman. Yet, with practice, he found that we can learn to focus more attention on the positive possibilities in situations to then craft a redemptive narrative of our life story. Consciously changing what you pay attention to can rewire your brain from a negative orientation to a positive one. 'Attention shapes the brain,' as Rick Hanson says in Buddha's Brain.”

Analyzing Your Words, Phrases, and Thoughts

Have you ever spent some time analyzing what you focus your attention upon?  It would be fairly enlightening to us, I'm sure, if we had someone follow us around all week long, taking notes of everything we said out loud.  What would those notes say about our primary focus and orientation?  Kind of a scary thought, isn't it!

Every once in a while, my wife Shasta will inform me that she hears me use certain phrases a lot, often on the negative side.  One of them used to be, "This is overwhelming!"

As I thought about my use of that phrase, I could see that my focus typically was negative, pessimistic.  Every time I used those words I was telling myself that my situation was beyond my capability to navigate well.  I was a victim to my circumstances.  It was beyond me to push through the obstacles.  In effect, I was wiring my brain to see weakness and inability and scarcity.  So because my brain was getting this message, it was sending that message to the rest of my body and I would always start feeling a physiological sag, too.  Body follows spirit.

Whatever we focus upon does wire our neurons.  Anderson's point is well made:  Consciously changing what you pay attention to can rewire your brain for good.  And that always impacts your whole body, as well.

Emphasizing Your Strengths Instead of Weaknesses

This is one of the reasons I love doing strengths coaching.  The emphasis on strengths instead of weaknesses is very empowering.

The father of strengths psychology, Donald Clifton, began his ground-breaking work by choosing to change the question psychologists were asking about people.  Instead of asking the question, "What's wrong with people?" he challenged that exclusive focus by asking, "What's right with people?"  He said,

"What would happen if we focused not on pathology but on strengths, studying how people are strong, what do they do that makes them feel energized, in the zone, competent, and more fulfilled?"

With this focus, we don't ignore weaknesses.  We don't pretend they don't exist.  We acknowledge that every strength has a shadow side that must be brought into the light and managed.  But our primary focus is on what makes us strong, our innately wired strengths and themes and talents.  Focusing on that reality creates an almost limitless possibility for growth, powerful change, and life transformation.

As Anderson pointed out, attention shapes our brain.  So choosing to be intentional about what we're focusing on in our lives will make a huge difference in the quality and outcomes of our lives.

Developing Your Conscious Competence

So take a few minutes to ask yourself these five questions and jot down some responses:

• What do my spoken words say about where I'm often placing my focus?
• How can I reframe my words/phrases to shape a more positive focus?
• What thoughts tend to captivate my internal attention?  Are they primarily negative or positive?
• Am I a strength-oriented person or a weakness-focused person?
• Do I know what my top strengths are?  And if so, how much focus do I put on them, how much intentionality in leveraging and using them more and more?  What are specific ways I can step into those strengths more often and more deeply?

Answering questions like these develop what I call "conscious competence."  The more aware and enlightened you are about how you're strong and what makes you strong, the greater your ability for competence and therefore for fulfillment and energy.  You can't practice and develop what you don't know you have.

So next time I'm tempted to droop my shoulders in despair and sigh, "This is overwhelming!" I'm going to say instead, "This appears difficult, but I'm strong and I can find a way through!"  It's a good place to begin.  Followed by applying my strengths to finding a way through.  That's a strong combination!

If you'd like some help going through this refocusing on strengths process, email me:  greg@flyagaincoaching.com.  It could be one of the more strategic decisions you make these days.

Why Paying Attention to Your Strengths is a Profoundly Spiritual Process

I do a lot of coaching with individuals, groups, businesses, teams, churches around the issue of strengths (utilizing the results they get from taking the online StrengthsFinder).  What are your top strengths?  How are you using them?  What are the shadow sides of each of your strengths and how can you manage those shadow sides?  How can you use your strengths more intentionally, consciously, and competently? How Strengths Work Increases Well-being

I love doing this strengths work with people because I've seen that when people tap into their strengths more deeply and consciously, their ability to live a more productive and fulfilling life at work, in relationships, and even in spirituality radically increases.  In fact, research shows that people who more often than not lead with their strengths are six times more meaningfully engaged in their life circumstances and they experience a three times higher sense of overall well being in life.

Who wouldn't want those kind of odds?

I'm noticing more and more that when people begin this exploration, increasing their understanding of how they're wired and what their innate talents are, they are in fact coming face to face with who they really are and who they are truly designed to be.  And that is a profoundly spiritual experience.

Why Strengths Work Is Spiritual

One of the descriptions of spirituality I appreciate is this:  "The intentional journey of becoming more whole, more fully alive, and more deeply human which results in authentic and meaningful connections with self, others, and the transcendent.”

The more in-tune we are with who we are, the more in alignment we are with how we are each designed and wired, the deeper and more authentic and meaningful our connections are to others and even to God.

One of the early Church fathers, Irenaeus, wrote,

"The glory of God is man fully alive."

Think about that for a minute.  God's glory is heightened and made more evident when people are living fully alive.  God's glory is shown, not when we constrict our lives or other people's live, not when we narrow our lives down, but rather when we expand our lives, when we increase our aliveness, when we alignment our lives to who we were made to be and to learn to live that way with more abandon and confidence and courage.

And that's exactly what happens when people tap into their strengths more consciously and competently.  They become more uniquely fully alive---they become more of their true selves, as God designed them.  Living out our strengths is one of the most significant ways we uniquely manifest the image of God in each one of us.

God is definitely not into the "cookie-cutter" approach to life.  All you have to do to see that is to open your eyes and behold---to pay attention and to notice---the profound and immense and rich diversity that exists in this world.

Some Strategic Strengths Questions I Use With Clients

I have the sacred privilege as a strengths coach to be a front-row witness to this wonderful diversity with every person and group I do this work with.  I always am in awe of how beautiful and unique every person is.  And that individual beauty I see only grows and deepens as people come to embrace their unique strengths profile and learn to live it more consciously and effectively day after day.

So here are some of the questions I assist people in exploring and processing about their strengths:

• How have you seen yourself using each of your top strengths?  Give specific examples.  Describe how you felt when you were engaged in that activity/behavior.
• What have you noticed is the shadow side of each strength?  What is your specific negative tendency with each strength at times?  For example, if your strength is Empathy, do you ever find yourself getting too emotionally involved in people?  Do you take on their feelings so deeply that you can't seem to let them go, to separate yourself from their feelings, so you can begin to feel exhausted, burned out.  Their negative or painful feelings you start to take on yourself?  Give specific examples of how you have manifested the shadow side of your strengths.
• How have you noticed your strengths playing out in your relationships?  Give some specific examples.  For instance, if you have Adaptability, do you tend to wait until the last minute to plan an activity with your significant other?  Do you prefer not to structure or plan something but to let it come to you or simply go with the flow?  How does your strength(s) impact your significant relationship?
• What is the strengths profile of your significant relationship?  How do your top five individual strengths react together as a couple?  Where are you both strong?  How does that reveal itself in how your relationship shows up in the world?  What do people experience in the presence of your relational strengths profile?
• Develop some specific, tangible goals for how you can increase the use of each one of your top strengths in the major life areas:  work, relationships, spirituality.
• What are deficiencies in your strengths profile that you need to consider bringing other people with complementary strengths into your life?  How can you partner or collaborate with people who bring strengths you don't have so you can be more productive and effective?

I typically go on a 12 session, 3 month journey with the people who want to really dig deep into putting their strengths to work in their lives.  And I can tell you, it's a hugely rewarding, satisfying, transforming experience.  They all tell me how life changing it is.  And the more I do it, the more life changing it is for me, as well.

How Strengths Work Impacts Organizations and Congregations

I also do strengths work with congregations and other organizations.  Once people begin to understand the role their strengths can play in their personal lives, this new awareness carries over into their actions within the organizational mission.  When we take a look at which of everyone's top strengths are most represented---based upon everyone's test results---that corporate strengths profile delivers some astounding and powerful implications for how the whole group is designed to be at their strongest in the way they serve their constituents and communities.  Effective mission and productive service grow exponentially.  And people who serve in those groups experience a much higher level of engagement and fulfillment than ever before.

The Final Question is About Sacred Stewardship

So in the end of life---whatever your view about how that happens in terms of divine accountability for your life---what's true is this:

God will not ask you why you weren't more like someone else.  God's only question to you will be, What did you do with what you were given?  Did you steward your Self as deeply, passionately, and faithfully as you could?  Were you your own true Self?

This is one of the reasons I think strengths work is so spiritually significant---and why I believe in knowing my strengths and using them as courageously and actively as I can.  It's about being the only Me that really counts in the end; and the only Me that truly brings me fulfillment, purpose, and joy.

Want to Know More?

Would you like to know more about this process?   Feel free to email me:  greg@flyagaincoaching.com.  I'd be happy to give you more perspective.  Would you like to engage in strengths coaching with me?  Feel free to contact me:  greg@flyagaincoaching.com.

IS ONLY RELIGIOUS SPIRITUALITY HEALTHY OR CAN NONRELIGIOUS SPIRITUALITY BE HEALTHY, TOO?

I have to admit I'm getting tired of reading more articles arguing about the whole notion of choosing to be spiritual but not religious.  I'm not tired about the theme—because I happen to be one of those who believe in the genuineness of spirituality outside of religious institutions.  I work with people in this category all the time and continue to be impressed with their sincerity and passion to be spiritual and compassionate people.  And indeed they are. So I'm tired of the pejorative tendency on the part of so many religious people to judge those who choose to remain unaffiliated or unattached to religious institutions but who still want to pay attention to their spirituality.

There was even a study that went viral stating that people who were spiritual but not religious had more mental illness than religious people.  "Aw, you see!  It's unhealthy to be spiritual but not religious," chortled the religion advocates.

Then I read some religious leaders' attempts to bolster that study's conclusions, stating dubious evidence that was suppose to support such a superficial and narrow judgment.  “Enough’s enough,” I said silently to them.  “It’s time to get over it!”  There are simply different legitimate ways to building one’s spirituality.

Church leaders, whose sole mission is to support and perpetuate organized religious institutions, speak out demonizing the SBNR (spiritual but not religious, which happens to be the fastest growing religious demographic in America right now).  SBNR adherents fight back, naturally so, arguing why they choose to be SBNR instead of religious affiliation.  Both sides consider the other irrelevant and out of touch.

Truth is, both sides have elements of truth as well as misguided, incomplete perspective in their convictions.

Three Vital Characteristics of Healthy Spirituality

So I thought I would evaluate this tug-of-war in the context of three vital  characteristics of Healthy Spirituality.  Can a person be spiritual without being religious, and can a person be religious without being spiritual?  Is it Either/Or (all or nothing) or Both/And?  Or Neither?

CHARACTERISTIC ONE:  Healthy Spirituality is a life of engagement and connection, not a life of isolation and alienation.  Paul Tournier, psychiatrist and author, makes the observation:  "There are two things in life you cannot do alone—be married, and be spiritual."

Now on face value, this truth would seem to favor religion's indictment against SBNR.  But not quite so fast.

We have to realize--and the more I spend time with people who consider themselves SBNR, the more I see this side--that there are many different ways of developing a life of engagement and connection.  Most of the SBNRs I know believe wholeheartedly in living within meaningful community and relationships.  They just do it outside of religious institutions.  They have deep connections with people where those connections are enjoyed in multiple and diverse environments--they just don't choose to do it within churches, synagogues, or mosques.

Looking for a place to learn and partner with not necessarily belong.  I have seen, as I've watched the trends in spirituality and religious affiliations, that more and more people if they look to churches at all, look  to them not for providing a place to belong, but as a potential place to stimulate their spiritual growth and personal development and as potential partners in addressing the many social ills of our world.  They want to learn.  They want to partner.

But they're not as interested in "signing up" for a place in which to build and establish all their relationships.  They want to be given tools and practices that help them experience greater life transformation but are not necessarily looking to "consume" the entire menu of services and ministries that a congregation encourages its members to engage in which often includes that church’s entire belief system.  They feel no need or desire for the whole cafeteria.

But isn’t that self-centered?  This is one of the issues that irks religious leaders and adherents.  Their indictment is, "That's completely self-centered!"  Their point is that healthy spirituality has to be lived within community (and it usually comes down to their community) because that's where we rub up against others who may be different than us and therefore it teaches us to learn how to relate, how to forgive, how to soften the sharp edges of our personalities and spiritual lives.

Community in different places.  The truth is, both groups believe in the importance of community facilitating healthy spirituality.  But they each look for it in different places.  Admittedly, both groups have people who think they can be loners in life and still be spiritually healthy.  Neither group is immune from this temptation.  Both need to look strategically and intentionally for community in which to learn the art of spiritual growth and spiritual health.  The point is, let's stop judging the others’ strategy by thinking we have the exclusive environment to shape meaningful community and spiritual life.

CHARACTERISTIC TWO, Healthy Spirituality involves a particular way of relating to others and to the world.  It's not just relating that is important, it's how we relate.  It involves relating in love.

Just before entering the Promised Land after wandering in the wilderness for so many years, God offered the Israelites a very clear and stark choice:

"I set before you life or death, blessing or curse.  Choose life, then, so that you and your descendents may live, in the love of Yahweh your God" (Deuteronomy 30:19-20).

Notice that choosing life, from God's perspective, is the same as choosing love.  They go hand in hand with each other.  Life and love.

Here's the way Dr. David Benner, in his book Soulful Spirituality:  Becoming Fully Alive and Deeply Human, puts it:

"Choosing life is choosing love.  And genuine love cannot remain for long as simply love of my life.  Love of life is contagious.  It spreads to all facets of my life, and it spreads to others.  That is the nature of love.  If I really love life, I cannot help but begin to value your life as well as mine.  If I genuinely love life, I will treat all life as sacred.  If I genuinely love life, I will care for the world because I care for the generations of humans who may yet be born."  (p. 73)

Needing a conversation centered on love.  It's sobering to me that so much of the conversation between religious adherents and those who don't religiously affiliate devolves into shouting matches about who's right and who's wrong.  There's no genuine dialogue emanating from a place of love, honor, and respect for the Other.  Instead there's finger pointing, judgments against the other, drawing lines in the sand where the side each is standing is the only true side.

That's not love.  Is it?

Ironically, love is touted as the supreme value in every major religion.  And yet history is filled with examples of hate and judgment and violence against those who disagree with the accepted norm of religious allegiance.

Love not tolerance.  I'm tired of people elevating the concept of tolerance in this world.  That's not love.  Love is compassion, caring, support, honoring, and blessing the other--not simply tolerating the other.

Healthy spirituality is about choosing to learn how to love more completely and deeply in every environment and setting of life.  And when we don't do it well, then we ask for forgiveness, and continue learning and practicing more effective ways to love others, especially those we disagree with.

Though both groups--the SBNRs and religious adherents--elevate the experience of love as defining genuine spirituality, the track record isn't very good about this happening effectively between them.  Both groups need to keep trying.  And both groups need to allow the other to learn the art of genuine loving wherever they choose their place of community and their style of artfulness.

CHARACTERISTIC THREE, Healthy Spirituality, which always engages in a life of love, is anti-legalism and anti-ritualism.

This is a defining characteristic.  Here's what I mean by this.  I do not mean that healthy spirituality is against law, rules, rituals, practices.  Not quite.  Rules, rituals, and practices are tools to help facilitate a deeper transformational spiritual life.

Every religion, and people who claim no religion, engage in practices and rituals to help themselves become better human beings—like meditation, breathing, mindfulness, prayer, scripture or devotional reading, or attendance in gatherings that lead a person to a higher spiritual place where their hearts-minds-souls can be inspired and moved (be it in church services or workshops or seminars or retreats).

People who take spirituality seriously believe that it's in relationships where we learn how to love and forgive the most effectively.  Developing healthy relationships is one of the greatest spiritual practices and rituals of all.  Relationships are our laboratory for the soul.  And the list of meaningful, effective practices is long.

“Ism-izing” spiritual practices.  What I mean by genuine love being anti-legalism and anti-ritualism is a refusal to  "worship" form over content or outcome.  In other words, when we elevate the style of practice over what the practice is suppose to accomplish in our lives we have "ism-ized" that experience.  We end up saying, "Your spiritual practice has to look like this and not look like that."  Or "True spirituality favors our accepted, traditional method or way of stating a belief."

I remember when I pastored traditional churches encountering some elders and deacons who believed that for the communion service to be legitimate, we had to cover the table of communion emblems (the bread and the grape juice) with a white cloth before the service, take it off during the service, and then put it back on immediately before the service concluded.  Anything short of that was sacrilegious.

And when the service was over, the unused pieces of bread and grape juice had to be disposed of in precisely the "right" way to maintain the holiness.  One church insisted on emptying the emblems into the toilet, another insisted on emptying them into a fire pit and burning it all.  Both believed equally that their method was the right one.  And if I didn't ask for it to be done the right way, or carry it out perfectly, I was deeply criticized and judged as a "less than faithful" pastoral leader.

That is "ism-izing" a practice ... where love has lost its true place in the spiritual life in favor of legalism and ritualism—when the rule or the ritual/practice supercedes the love it is suppose to generate.  We cast deep value judgments against people who act or behave or believe differently than we think is right.  We are convinced our way is the most effective way toward genuine spirituality.

Religious form instead of spiritual truth.  Jesus spoke vehemently about this tendency among the religious leaders of his day.  He exposed their "isms" when he pointed out things like "You are like whitewashed tombs--you look good on the outside, but inside you are filled with dead people's bones--you insist on tithing even the tiniest part of your income, but ignore the weightier things of the law, like justice, mercy, and faith."  (Matthew 23:23, 27)

Jesus was indicting a form of religiosity--legalism and ritualism--for its separation of love from law—in essence being religious without being spiritual—adhering to the letter of the law but not the spirit of it.  People were great at paying ten percent of their income--they practiced that spiritual ritual perfectly and faithfully.  But they were neglecting the actual practice or outcome of being loving with others, especially those they didn't agree with or who were different then they.  That’s legalism and ritualism.

This is one of the biggest indictments of Church I hear from people who have disengaged from religion.

Jesus’ core value.  I’m inspired by the way the eminent Islamic scholar Khalifa Abdul Halim describes Jesus' core value here:

"In Jesus we have the culminating point of that upward movement where God and religion are completely identified with love which has preference over all the legalism and ritualism."

Healthy Spirituality--the kind Jesus advocated--is anti-legalism and anti-ritualism.  Jesus summarized the entire Jewish Law (in the Old Testament) with love.  "On these two commandments hang the whole Law, and the Prophets--you will love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.  This is the greatest and the first commandment.  And the second resembles it:  You must love your neighbor as yourself."  (Matthew 5:43-44)

Healthy spirituality, both inside and outside religion, always centers on love; and the ultimate test of it being how we show up with those with whom we have our biggest disagreements.

"Just as love was the measure of his own life, so too Jesus made it the measure of human fulfillment and the supreme criterion of healthy spirituality" (David Benner, p. 73).

The only question that matters.  So the only question that truly matters—the question that helps guard against legalism and ritualism, in the end—is, Does this practice, this rule, this ritual empower me to love the Other more deeply and completely?  Does it help me to be more forgiving and honoring of all people, especially of those with whom I disagree?

Jesus truly stated the bottom line when he said, “By this will all people know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”  (John 13:35)

A Church that doesn’t genuinely love, and treat with equal honor and respect, all people is actually being religious without being spiritual.  A nonreligious person that refuses to love all people is only being nonreligious without being spiritual.

It’s time for all of us, whatever our religious or nonreligious perspectives, to step into a more Healthy Spirituality as we hold ourselves accountable to genuine love for all others.

PART 2, The Final Three Steps to Living in the Present Moment

How Good Are You at Being In the Present Moment? Most people I talk to these days all describe their difficulty in being able to live more deeply in the present moment.  The ability to stay present at any given time is becoming a rare art.  We get caught up in the crazy and often overwhelming demands of staying alive and what we think comprises living life.  Consequently, time flies by without us ever really having lived in the moment.  And we either get fixated on the past or anxious about the future.

My last blog post told a zen story from which emerges six powerful steps to learning how to be grounded more deeply in the present.

The Parable

A monk is being chased by a ferocious tiger through the jungle.  He breathlessly comes to a clearing and is faced with a cliff right in front of him with a rope hanging over the side.  With the tiger catching up and no more options available, he quickly grabs the rope and shinnys down along the side of the cliff until he reaches the end of the rope.  He glances up and sees the tiger baring its hungry fangs.  He glances down and sees huge, sharp, jagged rocks beckoning to him 100 feet below.  What should he do?  About that time, two mice begin gnawing on the rope above him.  Now what?

Caught between a rock and a hard place, he suddenly notices something that captures his attention.  It’s a bright red, delectable-looking strawberry growing out of the side of the cliff an arm’s length away.  Hanging on to the rope with one arm and both feet, he reaches out with his other hand, plucks the strawberry, and puts it in his mouth.  Eating it, he exclaims, “This is the most delicious strawberry I believe God has ever made and I have ever tasted.  Yum, yum!”

Quick Summary of the First Three Steps

I describe the first three steps in my last blog post:  First, notice the strawberry; pay attention to what's around you; Second, take a risk and reach for the strawberry; and Third, take it--don't just be a spectator, get involved, participate in life right now.

But if we stopped with these three steps, we wouldn't really be plumbing the present moment for all it can truly give to us.  The final three take us to a deeper, more fulfilling and satisfying experience.  Here are the next three steps the story describes the monk taking.

Step Four:  Eat the strawberry.

Had the monk simply hung there on the rope looking at the beautiful strawberry, or had he even just held it in his hand, admiring its beauty, he would have missed the most delightful potential of that moment.  He had to put it in his mouth and chew it.

I wonder how often we miss out on joy and delight by simply not partaking of what's in front of us?  We're great at analyzing and debating the pros and cons of strawberries.  We dissect the past and philosophize about the future--we're experts with this.  But could we be missing out on the deeper experience of the present, the eating of the strawberry itself?  We stop short of putting it into our mouths and tasting it.  We can talk about it until we're blue in the face, but if we haven't eaten it, we really don't know what we're talking about.

This is why sacred scripture makes this statement:

"Taste and see that the LORD is good."

No taste, no see, no good.  Without taste, everything else is only theory.

Step Five:  Savor the strawberry.

The fact that the monk, hanging on to the rope for dear life, is so present in his moment with the strawberry that he not only enjoys the taste but notices it enough to realize that it's the best strawberry he's ever tasted, shows that he has mastered the practice of savoring.

Savoring means you stay present long enough, you linger over something, that it deepens your enjoyment of it.

When is the last time you truly truly savored something?  When is the last time you stayed with an experience long enough to really really appreciate and delight in it?  When is the last time your lingering over something gave you an focused appreciation of the various nuances of delight caressing your senses in that moment?  That's savoring.

One of the reasons more of us don't savor is because savoring takes time in the moment.  We have to choose to invest more than a split second seeing and tasting something.  We linger and pay attention to what we're experiencing while we're lingering.  We develop vocabulary to describe what we're tasting or sensing or feeling.  And that takes knowledge and awareness, both of which take time to develop.

But if we practice it, we get good at it.  And consequently our delight and enjoyment and focus deepen and widen and profoundly increase.

Step Six:  Give Thanks for the Strawberry.

This is tying the bow on the gift we've just received.  Expressing gratitude.  The monk, in the throes of his culinary ecstasy while hanging precariously on a rope (with tiger above and rocks below), gives thanks to the God who could create such a marvelously-tasting strawberry.

Neuroscience research informs us that expressing gratitude is the strongest, most transformational activity your brain can engage in.  Brain function becomes more balanced, harmonized, and supple; your heart begins to pump in a much more coherent and harmonious rhythm; and biochemical changes trigger a host of healthful responses throughout your body.

Studies how us that people who practice gratitude consistently report a host of other benefits:

• Stronger immune systems and lower blood pressure
• Higher levels of positive emotions
• More joy, optimism and happiness
• Acting with more generosity and compassion
• Feeling less lonely and isolated

What's so amazing about this simple practice, step six in living in the present moment, is that it in the end grounds us and anchors us to the delightful moment we've just experienced.  It seals it for us, physiologically, emotionally, and spiritually.  It ties the bow on the gift we just received.

We could learn a great deal from that little old monk who hung there on the rope suspended between a fearful past and uncertain future.  There's always a strawberry.  So look for it, risk a reach for it, take it, eat it, savor it, and express thanks for it.

Your present moments will never be the same again!

Personal Reflections For You:

• When you notice something good in your present moment, do you take the time to taste it, to put it your "mouth" and feel it?
• Describe an experience when you truly savored something, lingered long enough to relish the flavors or delightful nuances to your senses.
• How often do you express thanks and gratitude for your positive experiences in life--whether it's to yourself, to others, or to God?
• Do you have a regular gratitude practice?  What or Why not?

Six Steps To Living in the Present Moment

The Challenge of Living in the Moment I was leading a telecall the other day with people who participated in my first spiritual retreat back in January.  At the beginning, we shared with each other brief updates about our lives--one high and one low over the last few months.  Most of us, including me, were wrestling with the challenge of how to be able to live more fully in and enjoy the present moment without being so obsessed and caught up in either the past or the future or the extreme busyness and demands of every day life.

I don't think we're alone in this challenge.  The ability to stay present at any given time is becoming a rare art with so many people.  We get caught up in the crazy and often overwhelming demands of staying alive and what we think comprises living life.  Consequently, time flies by without us ever really having lived in the moment.  We lose opportunities to create wonderful memories and experience deep enjoyment because we're so focused on other things.  And not living in the moment means that we're more likely consumed by the past or the future and whatever those two represent to us.

I shared the following story on our telecall out of which emerged during our conversation six powerful steps to being able to stay more fully present and plumb the depths of life.

A Parable

You've heard the zen story of the monk being chased by a ferocious tiger through the jungle.  He breathlessly comes to a clearing and is faced with a cliff right in front of him with a rope hanging over the side.  With the tiger catching up and no more options available, he quickly grabs the rope and shinnys down along the side of the cliff until he reaches the end of the rope.  He glances up and sees the tiger baring its hungry fangs.  He glances down and sees huge, sharp, jagged rocks beckoning to him 100 feet below.  What should he do?  About that time, two mice begin gnawing on the rope above him.  Now what?

Caught between a rock and a hard place, he suddenly notices something that captures his attention.  It's a bright red, delectable-looking strawberry growing out of the side of the cliff an arm's length away.  Hanging on to the rope with one arm and both feet, he reaches out with his other hand, plucks the strawberry, and puts it in his mouth.  Eating it, he exclaims, "This is the most delicious strawberry I believe God has ever made and I have ever tasted.  Yum, yum!"

The Parable's Point

What's the point?  If the monk had been totally preoccupied with the ferocious tiger (his past) or the menacing rocks below (his future) he would have missed out on the delicious strawberry (his present).  Right?

I often realize, when I'm reflective enough, that I tend to allow the guilt or regret or memories of the past to weigh in on me, which can overwhelm my present.  Or I tend to focus on the uncertainties of the future which inevitably raises my anxiety level in the present.

Why do we allow this to happen?  As one author puts it,

"The past is already gone, the future hasn't happened yet; the only moment we have is right now.  Why waste it?"

Notice what the monk does as he finds himself caught between his past and his future which empowers him to live in the moment in a beautiful way.  Six Steps:

Six Steps to Living in the Moment

FIRST, he sees the strawberry.  He notices it.  He's paying attention.

Do you realize how many "strawberries" you and I miss out on because we're simply not seeing or noticing or paying attention?  You can't enjoy what you don't see.

SECOND, he reaches for the strawberry.

It's one thing to see something.  It's another thing to reach out for it, to take an action to engage with what you're seeing.

Sounds easy enough.  But why then don't we do this more often?

Because reaching out for the "strawberry" takes a risk.  Think about the monk.  In order to reach out for the strawberry he has to let go of the rope with one arm.  That's risky.  Letting go is difficult.  But because he takes the risk, he ends up getting the reward.

I truly believe that nothing good in life comes to us without some risk.  You choose to love someone and you risk being hurt or rejected.  You choose

THIRD, he takes the strawberry.  You can't just reach for something, you have to take it to enjoy it.

So much of today's culture is a spectator culture.  People are satisfied simply sitting on the sidelines watching the game of life happen in front of them.

The tragedy with a spectator culture is that people actually delude themselves into thinking that watching is enough; that watching is the highest level of enjoyment and satisfaction.

It certainly might be safer on some levels.  If you're in the stands watching football, you're not getting beat up and tackled in the game.  But it's interesting, isn't it, that if the team we're watching wins, we feel really really good and satisfied.  But there's no way that feeling can match the exhilaration of the players who gave it their all in order to win the game.  Right?

"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."  George Bernard Shaw

We delude ourselves into thinking that spectating is good enough for joy and satisfaction.  But we're missing out on the deeper depths of truly worthwhile living.  We're robbing ourselves of real living in the moment.  We can't enjoy the strawberries unless we reach out and take them in hand.

Stay tuned for my next blog  the final three steps to plumbing the present moment for deeper joy and fulfillment.  "Six Steps to Living in the Present Moment."

Four Personal Reflections for You:

• Which is your tendency more often:  living in the past or living in the future?  Why?  What is it about either of those that traps you there?
• Describe a time when you simply missed seeing the strawberry in the moment--you weren't paying attention.
• What are some risks you face in order to reach out to the strawberry?  Which risks are hardest for you?
• Would you describe yourself more as a spectator or a participant?  Why?  Are there any excuses you have for watching more than participating?  What might be some fears you have of getting in the game more often?

Four Ways Spirituality is an Organism

The Power of Sacred Space One of the things I love about coaching is the opportunity to give people valuable space in time to think deeply about themselves and their lives, to reflect and evaluate and consider how life is going for them.  I find in every conversation that the person, given this intentional time for themselves, relishes the conversation and deeply values the privilege of having their lives witnessed by a trusted other.  After all, how often do we experience the affirmation and validation of being witnessed by someone else in a spirit of honor, respect, and caring?

I find this to be greatly true for myself.  For the last sixteen years I've had regular (almost weekly) conversations with my prayer partner and wonderful friend Paul.  In every phone call or at times in person when see each other, we listen deeply to each other as each one talks about what matters most these days.  There's incredible empowerment in having someone who cares bear witness to your life and express support, acceptance, and validation, including questions that stretch each other and clarify the struggles, questions, and life issues we're facing.

Life is Dynamic

Life is a dynamic organism.  It's not static or staid or one dimensional.  Life grows, morphs, evolves, changes, moves, stretches, transitions in multiple ways and directions.  As people we change and grow and develop.

Spirituality is no different.  In a book I'm reading, that's exactly the way the author, Dr. David Benner, describes it:

"Any genuinely soulful or healthy spirituality cannot simply be adopted from your family or acquired from your community or culture. It must arise as a personal response to your deepest longings and help you make sense of your actual life experiences. It will, therefore, be dynamic--evolving and changing. To turn it into something rigid and fixed is always to render it soulless, for that which is no longer evolving is either devolving or dead."  Soulful Spirituality, pp. 76-77.

Spirituality is an Organism that Living or Dying

Spirituality is an organism, too.  It's dynamic and evolving.  That's because spirituality is at the heart of what it means to be fully human (as Christian theology states, we're made in the image of God--so to center in that image is to step fully into our God-created humanity).  And since we humans change and morph and grow and evolve, so must our spirituality.

Which is why I'm more and more recognizing the absolute importance of carving out intentional time to do reflecting and evaluating of our spiritual lives and journeys.  It's far to easy for people to simply float along, staying in a default mode of habit and routine, never thinking about how it's going or where it needs to go or even how to grow more deeply and spiritually.

The Pitfall of Autopilot

For those of us who are attached to a regular church experience, this is a particular pitfall.  We never really evaluate our spiritual lives because we think that simply going to church as often as we do is enough.  We might engage in a few spiritual practices like prayer (at least at meals or bedtime).  But we never stop to reflect and evaluate:  am I growing more fully human, becoming a person of greater love and compassion? Am I showing up in my life with more confidence and contentment?  Am I manifesting more regularly the attributes of the highest and strongest form of life (Christian theology:  the fruit of the Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control)?  What is working in our spiritual lives and what isn't?  What is meaningful and empowering us to live with greater purpose, and what isn't?  Where are we in the stages of faith and spirituality?  What kind of spirituality fits us in the stage we're in?  How can we continue developing into the higher stages of spiritual growth?

As Dr. Benner reminds us, we can't simply inherit our spirituality from our family or community or culture.  It doesn't work that way!  The very nature of the spiritual life is that it comes from the deepest place inside each of us where God meets us and whispers to us and speaks truth to our souls and hearts.  If we're simply too busy and preoccupied to listen or hear those whispers, then we too easily remain on autopilot, thinking that we're doing all we need to do.

But truth is, we are either evolving and growing and transforming spiritually, or we're dying, and we'll ultimately pay the price in lack of meaningful living.

Just like plants have to be watered and nurtured to keep growing or they wilt and eventually die, so does our spiritual and personal life.  Development and growth must be carefully nurtured and intentionally paid attention to.

Spiritual Retreats

This is why I feel so passionate about offering spiritual retreats--a day and a half of sacred space and time for people to reflect upon and think deeply about life and the spiritual journey.  There's no substitute for it.

Here's a short video I made today about what I'm doing and why I'm doing this:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRNME0Fp2Z4&w=560&h=315]

I want to invite you to seriously consider this opportunity.  Two locations:  Walla Walla, WA (March 22-23) and San Francisco, CA (April 5-6).  Click on either name to go to the web site for more details and registration information, including the significant Early Bird discounts available until March 10.

Four Ways to Exercise Your Truth Muscle (and why it's important)

My wife and I recently watched the Oscar-nominated movie Flight.  It's an incredibly powerful and even disturbing story about an airline pilot (played in an Oscar-worthy performance by Denzel Washington) who is forced to come face to face with his own truth--something he's been avoiding his whole life.  Spoiler Alert:  The powerful irony of the movie is illustrated in the final scene where he sits in his prison AA group and remarks that he's never felt this free in his whole life. There is something very liberating that comes from standing in your truth, embracing who you are, owning your strengths and weaknesses, your successes and failures, and being willing to look past your performance to the more foundational issue of core identity.  Where does your true value and worth come from:  the roles you play every day?  The quality of your behavior every day?  Or is there something more grounded and centered and fundamental?

Captain Whip Whitaker (Denzel Washington) gets those two realities confused.  He's clear on his performance as an airline pilot--he's one of the best in the industry and the story's crisis reveals that truth.  But he has placed his identity exclusively in that role to the exclusion of admitting another truth:  his alcoholism.  And as long as he refuses to stand in that truth, his denial continues placing people, including himself, in painful harm's way.

Captain Whitaker doesn't experience true freedom until he finally embraces the whole truth.

So here are FOUR WAYS TO EXERCISE YOUR TRUTH MUSCLE:

Embrace the whole truth about yourself.

We all have a shadow side--that place that is trying to get heard in order to make sense of life--which often manifests itself in unhealthy, unhelpful ways.

For example, we lash out at and fight with our partners, not because we want to be jerks, but because we want to be heard, we want greater intimacy.  Unfortunately, we've chosen an approach that goes counter to the very thing we're longing for and instead creates greater distance.  We maintain some addictions, not because we want to imprison ourselves in unbreakable chains and create terrible chaos and pain and suffering in our lives and everyone else's, but because we're hungry for belonging, a sense of worth and value, and we desire deeper, more lasting pleasure and intimacy.  Unfortunately, we've chosen an approach that goes counter to the very thing we're longing for and instead creates greater distance and suffering.  We get hooked on unhealthy ways to compensate for our lack--it's quicker, sometimes easier, but far more deeply painful.

But the whole truth is also that we have a light side in us.  We love others with good motives.  We serve others for their own good not just ours.  We develop healthy intimacy with ourselves and others.  We give with unselfish compassion and caring.  We choose delayed gratification at times for the right reasons, in the right places, in the right ways.  We show honor and respect to people, including ourselves.  We affirm and appreciate others, including ourselves.

As the great wisdom traditions describes, we are this mix of yin and yang, shadow and light, healthy and unhealthy motives, ego and soul.  Both sides are a part of us which make up the whole truth.  To deny one for the sake of the other is to cripple the whole.

Honor your Shadow side.

Our shadow side must be acknowledged and honored for what it contributes to us--the understanding of what is trying to be heard from deep within ourselves.  My cry for intimacy, or for wanting to be seen and heard and honored, or for wanting to feel the depths of life and joy and happiness, or for wanting to feel significant is a deeply human hunger and need.  We have to address these desires.  To deny them is to deny our humanness and short-circuit the goal of being fully alive as God intended.  Our goal is to learn how to dig deeper for the most basic ache inside ourselves and then to choose the most effective, healthy ways to satisfy it.

Genuine satisfaction can not be experienced until the deepest, most true hunger is identified.

How would you describe your shadow side?  How does it manifest itself?  What is your shadow saying about what's most important to you?

By being willing to embrace your shadow and listen to it, your honoring it will facilitate your experience of your whole truth.

Learn from your Hungers.

Hungers are not bad.  Even Jesus affirmed and blessed hunger when he said in the Beatitudes, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."  (Matthew 5:6)

Having hungers is not bad.  Acknowledging them is a part of wisdom.  Understanding them leads to wholeness.

The hunger that has the most satisfaction and fulfillment, says Jesus, is the hunger for what is right, true, noble, pure, just, helpful, loving, compassionate, hopeful.  Hunger, which is the deepest, truest form of desire and want, is what must be honored and embraced.

So what do you learn about yourself from your hungers and desires?  What values do your hungers reveal are most important to you?  How do your hungers correspond to the above list of what Jesus calls the most satisfying?  What is it that you really, really, really want and how does that specific truth inform you about your whole truth?

Practice.

One of the powerful paradigms in the 12 Step Recovery program is the insistence on standing in your truth, the whole truth, and practicing it relentlessly.  That means refusing to deny the addiction and what it means to you; refusing to live in dishonesty; agreeing to name your shadow daily.  And it also means working hard to embrace the other side of your truth--learning how to feed the light side, live in it more completely and honestly, stepping into regular practices and behaviors that reinforce that part of the truth.

What are the practices you've developed that reinforce and solidify your experience of your truth?  Do you have daily mantras and inspirational readings that reinforce your truth?  Do you pray and meditate on it?  Do you finds creative ways to serve and give to others from a place of unselfish compassion?  Do you engage in self affirmations about who you really are, your true identity as a deeply loved and fully accepted human being by God?

In the end, as Jesus once observed, it is only the truth that sets us free.  Captain Whip Whitaker experienced that in a very dramatic way.  You and I can experience it in our own ways.  The nature of truth is that when it is honestly embraced, it is the most truly liberating and empowering experience on earth.

A Secret Ingredient for Spiritual Success

I read last week a fascinating New York Times article titled "Secret Ingredient for Success."  The authors interviewed highly successful people about what made them successful and discovered one common element.  The discovery was surprising--somewhat even counter-intuitive.  Beyond their natural talent and skill, their personalities, their strengths, their passion and vision, how hard they worked, their success came from this quality:  intentional, regular, rigorous self reflection.  Self assessment.  Self evaluation. It's called double loop learning.

"In this mode we question every aspect of our approach, including our methodology, biases and deeply held assumptions. This more psychologically nuanced self-examination requires that we honestly challenge our beliefs and summon the courage to act on that information, which may lead to fresh ways of thinking about our lives and our goals."  (Camille Sweeney and Josh Gosfield)

It got me thinking about the way so many people go through life.  We just kind of float along, going with the flow, never really reflecting or thinking about life, trying to avoid obstacles as much as possible, taking the easy path as often as we can, the path of least resistance.

And even with our spirituality.  We tend to rarely think about it.  We just do whatever it is we've always done, never really evaluating or reflecting about it, whether or not we're learning anything new, or whether or not it's actually changing us into better people.  We just slide by spiritually.

The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates once said, "The unexamined life is not worth living."

I was especially reminded of the power of this value of self reflection last weekend.  I conducted the first of three weekend retreats called "Ignite the Fire of Your Spiritual Life."  Our small group spend a total of 10 hours doing rigorous self-assessment and evaluation.  The purpose of this process was to give each person an opportunity to take stock of their spiritual life to determine what is working effectively and meaningfully and what isn't.

And we engaged within community--not just doing personal reflection but also sharing some of our reflections with each other.  The process of hearing and listening and being heard and listened to is extremely powerful.  When people are willing to hold the space for us as we do our work in a way that's safe and affirming and accepting, we are empowered to grow and transform in beautiful ways.

One of the participants texted me the next day and said, "Thank you for a breakthrough life-changing retreat--my spiritual life is already better ... Can't wait to see what more there is to come and I know it will be very good."

That's the impact of healthy and effective self reflection.  It comes from being willing to be intentional.  To pay attention to your life, your spirituality.  To do it honestly, authentically, transparently, participatively.

Most wisdom traditions agree on the process for enlightenment and spiritual wholeness.  Confucianism describes it as becoming fully awake, waking up to life, seeing life clearly.  According to the Li Chi, the classic Confucian guide to becoming spiritually developed,

"there must be a turning point in life when the maturing individual recognizes that simply being a human is not sufficient to becoming fully human."

Spiritual maturity is not an automatic occurrence.  We can't slide into spirituality.

Jesus called that conscious turning point in one's life repentance.  "Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."  It begins with awareness, waking up to our need.  It continues with desire, seeing something better--something more--that we want.  It involves an intentional turning around to chart a new path to receive that Life.  "Wake up so you can experience the depths of God's kingdom that is right in front of you, indeed, right inside of you," said Jesus.

One of the poignant stories Jesus told was of the ten bridesmaids waiting through the midnight hours for the appearance of the groom.  All of them had lamps.  Five of them had enough oil for the lamps to keep burning through the night.  So that when the groom finally showed up, they were awake to be swept up into the wedding party and join the festivities.  The other five missed out.  No light.  Sleepy.

Light.  Wakefulness.  Clarity.  Awareness.

Some of the markers Dr. David Benner, in his book Soulful Spirituality, describes as identifying a mature spirituality include

"being grounded in reality and alive to the present moment, a personal philosophy that makes life meaningful, the capacity for forgiveness and letting go, inner freedom of choice and response, the capacity for reflection on experience."  (p. 35)

These qualities don't just suddenly show up in our lives.  They're developed.  We awaken to them through reflection, intention, attention.  Like the five wise bridesmaids, we stock up on enough oil, we trim our lamps, light them, and use them to become fully awake to what's happening inside us and around us.  We repent.

I'm planning two more spiritual retreat cycles this Winter/Spring; one in San Francisco again (April 5-6), and another in Walla Walla, Washington (March 22-23).  Here's the link for the details:  "Ignite the Fire of Your Spiritual Life."  If you want a powerful opportunity to engage in awakening your spiritual life in new and transformational ways, I invite you to check out these events.  It could be a turning point for you.

The two authors of the above New York Times article interviewed tennis great Martina Navratilova to find out the secret of her ultimate success:

"[She] told us that after a galling loss to Chris Evert in 1981, she questioned her assumption that she could get by on talent and instinct alone. She began a long exploration of every aspect of her game. She adopted a rigorous cross-training practice (common today but essentially unheard of at the time), revamped her diet and her mental and tactical game and ultimately transformed herself into the most successful women’s tennis player of her era.  What we learned from conversation with high achievers is that challenging our assumptions, objectives, at times even our goals, may sometimes push us further than we thought possible."

I wonder why so many of us fail to engage in this kind of rigorous self reflection and self evaluation in such a vital area of life, our spirituality?  Maybe it's because we simply don't know how to go about doing that.  Maybe we're afraid of failing or not achieving anything different than what we already have.  Maybe we just don't think about it--we're simply too busy or distracted by the rest of life.  Or maybe it's just not that important or appealing to us.

But maybe it is time to shine the light.  Time for the secret ingredient.  Time to awaken.  Fully alive instead of sleepwalking.  The best way to success and joy!

Just Take One Step: Navigating the Step of Faith and Mindfulness

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

So, without defining the word "faith" in that sentence in any kind of religious or spiritual sense, what does the statement mean to you?  Why might it be important to your life?

Some of us, like me who has the strength of Futuristic--the ability and drive to paint a clear picture/vision of a preferred future in a way that is compelling and inspiring--are inclined to dream a lot, and spend time defining the dream, outlining it, specifying it, clarifying it, painting it in as great detail as possible.  Our temptation is to stay in that mode of thinking to the exclusion of doing the work of taking steps to get that vision.  It's the tendency to live in the clouds of dreams and vision without ever getting back to earth where the actual steps have to be taken.  We want to make sure we have all our ducks lined up in a row lest we jump "too quickly."

So King's statement is a powerful nudge.  Faith is first about taking a step toward the dream.  Moving forward, even by one step.  Faith is fundamentally a willingness to move ahead rather than sitting still to wait for more complete information.

Reflection:  Are there any places in your life where you find yourself stuck, sitting still rather than moving forward?  Can you determine why you're not moving ahead?  Are you waiting for something?  What?  More information?  A more complete picture of where you think you're going?  Are you afraid of taking a step?  Why?  What's keeping you from forward momentum?

Notice the second dimension of faith in King's statement.  Faith moves ahead even when the whole picture isn't clear yet.  You don't have to see the whole staircase in order to take the step.  There's an emphasis in this definition of faith away from the future back to the present.

The January 2013 issue of National Geographic Traveler highlighted an unusual cultural exchange between a 30-year-old Maasai warrior from the Serengeti and high school students, led by 55-year-old librarian Paula Busey, in Littleton, Colorado.  The kids raised money to bring this Maasai warrior to their community where he taught them about his culture and his people's wordview.  Our core value, he said, is to work at preserving communities and traditions.  And then he gave a significant observation:

"American kids are obsessed with becoming adults, with finishing university and starting to work.  I understand they have anxieties.  But I tell them the Maasai don't think about tomorrow.  We just try to make today excellent.  And if today is excellent, tomorrow will come."

Imagine living life more like that--refusing to constantly be thinking about the "tomorrows" in everything we do.  Imagine learning the art of living in the moment.  Experts call this Mindfulness (I think MLK was using the word "faith" for the same concept)--being fully present in the moment--savoring your one step--choosing not to allow the constant mental chatter and obsession with what's next or what's coming up or how am I doing with all of my "stuff," to affect this present moment--to discover and savor the beauty of this moment, this little step.

Reflection:  One of the great mantras for this mindfulness practice is, "In this moment, I have everything I need."  Say that to yourself a few times.  What does it feel like?  Does it feel foolish to you?  Why or why not?  Try making this a regular saying you repeat at different moments throughout the day.  See what that does to your attitude and presence.

It's not to say that the future isn't important.  We all have to plan ahead.  But our human tendency, especially in our culture, is to obsess on the future and it's every known detail.  And then to worry about the details we're sure must be important but we just can't seem to see or anticipate yet.  Either way, we're losing out--because we're not appreciating what is here right now, in this moment.  We've consigned ourselves to living in worry and anxiety over things that haven't even happened yet.

But here's the reality:  Yesterday is gone forever; tomorrow hasn't even happened yet; the present is all we have.  Why ruin it?

You don't have to see the whole staircase to take your first step.

Remember Indiana Jones in the scene from The Last Crusade where he brings his group to the edge of the precipice?  They have to get to the other side but the chasm that separates them is wide and deep.  Impossible to bridge.  

Indiana Jones pulls out his notebook which contains the map and instructions, finds their current location, and suddenly realizes that there's an unseen bridge that actually spans the chasm.  But it will only appear once you take the first step.  Would you take that step, even if you couldn't see the whole bridge?

He holds out one foot over the dark abyss.  Then he lowers that foot down into what looks like pure air and space ... and leans into it.  Suddenly, his foot touches something and immediately the entire bridge materializes into view.  And the group inches its way across the divide to the other side.

Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase.

Reflection:  What would it be like for you to follow the Maasai tradition of not thinking about tomorrow but just trying to make today excellent?  How would that attitude and intention impact the quality of your present moment?  What faith do you have that will embolden you to stick your foot out over what feels like an empty abyss and set it down even when you can't see clearly ahead?  What is one even small step you are being nudged to take right now, in this moment, that you need to take?

There's a reason why all religious traditions refer to mindfulness as a spiritual practice.  It's a discipline that has to be developed.  It takes practice.  Serious intention and choice.  Over and over and over again.

Think of all the great social and spiritual movements in this world that would never have materialized had this concept of faith not been acted upon.  Martin Luther King, Jr., who made this statement, was one of the greatest visionaries in the world.  His "I Have A Dream" speech painted a powerful vision of a future he longed for.  But he never completely knew the future, in every detail.  There were outcomes he never anticipated.  There were moments he even doubted the reality or possibility of this Dream of equality and justice for all people.  But he still took the first step every day.  He acted in a courageous and intentional way each new day.  He refused to let himself become paralyzed into inaction or to allow lack of clarity about the future to impede his forward momentum each day.  One step at a time.  But one step.

Every life transformation begins with the faith / courage to take the first step forward.  Don't worry about having to know everything about the future.  Just take the first step forward.  And then the next step will become more clear.  And then when you take that step, the next step will become clear.  Act on what you do know--take one step.

Spiritual Trapeze Artists: The Journey of Becoming

I remember when my kids were small taking them to a Ringling Bros. circus.  It was so much fun watching them be awed by all the commotion--roaring tigers, trumpeting elephants, fancy-suited bareback riders, brightly colored shouting clowns, comedic acrobats, ball and plate jugglers, jaw-dropping sword and fire swallowers.  And then the most dramatic of all--even I was looking forward to this act--the high-flying trapeze artists! There was always that moment (the one everyone goes to the circus for)--that moment of uncertainty and fear--when you could hear the collective breath being sucked in as the trapeze artist made one final swing and then let go of the bar.  We watched almost breathlessly as that woman soared through the air, wondering whether or not she would make it to the other bar at precisely the right time or whether she would fall precipitously to the net below.  What a collective sigh of relief that erupted into deafening applause when, sailing through that no-man's land of midair, she grabbed a hold of the opposite bar, swinging brilliantly and majestically up to the platform in the sky on the other side of the huge tent.

My kids were truly in awe.  I loved watching the expression of relief and delight on their faces.  I had the same look on mine.

Spirituality is a Journey of Becoming

Spirituality is essentially the journey of becoming.  In Christian terms we might speak of this as becoming our true self in God, becoming like Jesus, or merging and aligning our selves with the divine image in us.  In other spiritual traditions this concept is often presented in terms of becoming enlightened, awakening to what's true and highest, or becoming one with all that is.  In psychological language it is framed as becoming increasingly integrated, becoming free, or becoming all we can be, more whole and true to who we really are, more fully human and alive.

Early church father St. Irenaeus once wrote, "Man fully alive is the glory of God."

So the spiritual journey is about the process of becoming more fully human, more alive, more whole.  The two words "journey" and "becoming" signify two central elements of spirituality.  Both terms denote movement, dynamic process, stages of development.

And the reality is that the fulfillment of our God-given humanity doesn't happen automatically.  If it did, then the older people became, the more years they lived, the more fully developed and mature and whole they would be.  But we all know that isn't a given.  The becoming of spirituality is necessarily an intentional path.  It takes work, attention, practice, and persistence.

Spiritual Trapeze Artists

And this is where the trapeze metaphor comes in.  As in life, also in spirituality, every path has transition points.  So spirituality is a journey of learning the art of navigating transitions:  how and what to let go of, how to steer through the no man's zone of uncertainty before the new unfolds, and grabbing a hold of the new.  If we can't master these stages of transitions, our becoming is stunted.

That's exactly what happens when any one of the stages of metamorphosis for the butterfly is interrupted or messed with.  The egg becomes a larvae (a caterpillar which molts its skin 5-6 times) which becomes a pupa (during which it completely disintegrates in order to form a whole new body) which finally emerges in a rather violent and painful-looking process to become a beautiful adult butterfly with wings.  Tamper with any one of those transitions of becoming and the butterfly ultimately dies.

Developing healthy and effective spiritual lives are dependent upon our ability to navigate well the many transitions along the path of life.  Unfortunately, many people are living stunted spiritual lives because they get stuck in one of the stages of transition--locked up, paralyzed.

The Danger of Stunted Spirituality

I have conversations often with people who are experiencing this spiritual stalemate.

Some have allowed themselves to see this stuck place as their new normal.  They simply live with it, even though they're feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, and a bit stale (when they're willing to look inside and admit what they're feeling).

Others are paralyzed by fear--fear of the unknown they see coming if they should let go of the bar and fly through the "neutral zone"; fear of conflict with others should they keep moving ahead spiritually which might lead to rejection or ridicule or other negative judgments by people; fear of disequilibrium, losing their balance and sense of normal; fear of giving up control over every aspect of their lives; fear of sliding backwards, losing ground, and feeling like a spiritual failure.  The list of fears I hear from people goes on and on.

But the truth is, the egg-larva-pupa never become the soaring butterfly without going through each stage successfully and willingly.

We have to face our fears.  We have to confront our sense of inadequacies.  We have to look our weaknesses squarely in the face.  We have to be willing to let go of that which is no longer serving us.  We have to face uncertainty and manage a sense of insecurity at times.  We have to dream of the new, envisioning what could be and who we could become more of, who we truly are.  And we have to chart a path for this becoming.  We have to want to be more fully alive.

"Igniting the Fire of Your Spiritual Life"

These are some of the reasons why I am having my cycle of three retreats called "Igniting the Fire of Your Spiritual Life."  Each retreat is centered on each of the three stages of spiritual transitions:  letting go (Winter), uncertainty and planting seeds (Spring), and harvesting and undergirding the new (Fall).  Participants will be guided through each of these stages in ways that honor who each person is and what it means to each one to become more fully human and alive.

And since this process of spiritual transition is challenging and sometimes difficult and anxious and uncertain, we're going on this journey in community with others who are hungering for a transformational spirituality, too.  We are not alone!  And we can reap the rewards of joy and greater contentment and empowerment with others.

I invite you to participate in this round which begins January 25-26.  There are four spots left.  Here is the link to more information and registration:  "Igniting the Fire of Your Spiritual Life."

I Dare You to Trapeze!

My wife and I were walking on the Santa Monica Pier a few years ago when we came across a place where people were being given lessons on trapezing.  We stopped and watched.  A woman was doing a courageous job of trying to go from one swing to the other.  Bless her heart!  She encountered one fall after another.  I was glad there was a huge net below to catch her every time she fell.  But to her credit, and to our admiration, she kept trying.  Her instructor kept guiding her, giving suggestions, helping her.  And she kept trying.  I wasn't sure how long we wanted to stay.  But just about when we turned to leave, she swung way out on the right trajectory, let go of the bar, sailed through the air, and caught the next bar.  Grabbing tightly, she swung herself up to the next platform, beaming from ear to ear.  She had a look of extreme delight, satisfaction, and pure joy!  She made it ... and made it well!

That's what I wish for you and me on our spiritual journeys of becoming more human and fully alive.  Navigating our transitions will bring us the same exhilaration and satisfaction, too!  We just need to hang in there and keep going for it.  The egg-larva-pupa will become a butterfly.  You and I will become more deeply and fully ourselves in God's image.  So why not!

Clearing Space for the New

I was struck on New Years Eve Day with the rather immediate sense that some clearing away needed to happen as I approached the new year.  My wife Shasta and I were sitting in our office doing some work.  As I leaned back in my chair to catch my proverbial breath in the midst of my concentrating work, I looked around at my book cases filled with hundreds of books that surround me every day.  I glanced at some of the titles this time with a bit more awareness and realized that many of them no longer represented who am I these days.  And at the same time, I noticed the high stack of books on my desk that I'm currently reading which have no space in the completely filled bookcases. Almost instantaneously, we both decided that we needed to do a book cleansing.  One hour later, we had nine bags of books ready to be donated and all the spaces had been dusted and cleaned and rearranged.  The whole office had this clean, visually appealing look and feel.  We commented that we both even felt lighter inside (once the shock from the magnitude of what we'd done began to wear off).

Believe it or not, we had just engaged in one of the most significant spiritual practices for healthy spiritual growth that is particularly apropos around the new year.

I realized that all of the energy in those old books was a competing energy with my inner spirit, mind, and heart these days.  Not that there's anything wrong with having competing energies.  It's healthy to expose ourselves to things that stretch us or force us to reevaluate our beliefs and ideas and thoughts.  But if the old energy is taking up all the space so that there's no room for energy that is more in alignment with who we are now, we're inhibiting our growth within the new.

Here's the way Danielle LaPorte (author, speaker, coach) put it in her recent newsletter blog post:

"I think it's a universal law that you have to clear space for newness to enter; let something die for something to be born; cleanse to heal; let go to receive; just like we clear our lungs to take in new air."

I like the way she puts it, especially the example of breathing.  Imagine what would happen if we never exhaled; we only inhaled.  I've tried it to see.  I didn't get very far.  My lungs felt like they were going to explode from the pressure of all that air inside.  Turns out, lungs have a set capacity. So you have to clear your lungs to take in new air.  And you can't live without new air.

All of the wisdom traditions share the belief that there's something extremely powerful and transformational when we let go and clear space.  The new has a hard time entering our lives until we do this work of clearing.

Notice similar metaphors Jesus used.  He taught that you have to die to self for the new person to emerge; the seed must be placed in the ground and then die in order for the plant to appear; you must be born of water and the spirit to enter the kingdom of God (cleansing, immersion, being buried, before resurrection and new life).  Powerful spiritual metaphors about clearing space for the new.

This is the foundational ritual and practice I'll be facilitating in the first retreat weekend (of three total) on January 25-26.  The journey of "Igniting the Fire of Your Spiritual Life" retreats will necessarily begin with exploring what space needs to be opened up in your life.  What do you need to let go of in order to receive?  What space do you need to clear in order for the new to be invited in?  What needs to be exhaled before inhaled?  How do you need to reframe your beliefs in ways that more deeply serve you and others through you?  Spiritual growth and development must begin with this process.

I want to invite you to participate in this retreat cycle this year.  There are 5 more spaces open.  Here's the link for all the information, logistics, and registration:  "Igniting the Fire of Your Spiritual Life."  I guarantee you this will be a transformational journey for you in this new year.

On New Years Day, Shasta and I spent a couple of hours journaling our reflections to 20 questions looking back at 2012.  Some were more challenging than others; like, "What was the single most difficult event/experience in 2012?  What are you still hanging on to from that experience?"

As I journaled, I began to sense a movement inside of me.  It felt like an expanding; like space opening up.  I realized that I was letting go some of the pain from that experience.  I was exhaling the limiting beliefs I had formed around it.  I was breathing easier.

Do you need to clear more space in your life in order to let in the new you're longing for?  What kind of exhaling do you need to do?

The artist Picasso said,

"Every act of creation is first of all an act of destruction." 

In other words, unless you're the God of the Hebrew creation poem who created out of nothing, for you to create you must first replace, take away, deconstruct, destroy, let go, exhale, and then build, innovate, renovate, design, construct, and create.  It's about deciding what you can add to and what you need to take away and replace with.  It takes boldness, willingness, surrender, focus, and earnest persistence.  But it's always worth it!

Are you ready?

The Laws of Subtraction--Inserting Space Between the Notes of Your Life

When I went shopping last week for my wife's Christmas gift, I realized something important about me (and, it turns out, about a lot of us).  I walked into one clothing store and was immediately assaulted by the endless racks of clothes--they're hanging on the walls, standing on the floors, piles everywhere.  The picture on the right is what I see when I walk into any clothing store!

The way clothing stores are being set up these days, it reminds me of airplanes--more and more seats with less and less leg room and aisle width.  I stood there for a few moments glancing around the massive store with its seemingly infinite variety--and to be honest, I got overwhelmed.  Too many choices.  I just didn't have enough head space and bandwidth, not to mention patience, to start rummaging through every rack.  I didn't even know exactly what I was looking for, which made the variety of choices even more paralyzing.

So as a shopper in those moments, I always resort to the easy way:  looking for the mannequins--I have to see complete outfits.  As a visual person, mannequins are my best friends in navigating so many choices.  So I walked around surveying all of the mannequins and never saw anything I liked.  I left.

I went into a smaller store in the mall, and in a few minutes, I saw a complete outfit hanging out in plain view, and I liked it.  Very much.  And 40% off helped make the decision easier.  In a matter of minutes I was standing in the check out line, excited with my purchase and hardly able to wait Christmas Eve for my wife to try it all on.

We live in an age of excess and choice--an overabundance of both.  And spirituality isn't immune from this challenge.  There are so many options available to explore.  We're inundated with books, DVDs, CDs, seminars and workshops, religious organizations trumpeting their truths, nonprofits vying for our attention to support their good causes, all describing different ways of believing, thinking, and acting.  Our temptation is to either ignore all of these options (we're too overwhelmed, not enough bandwidth to consider everything) or to simply keep adding to our lives--after all, it's all good, right?  We can never have too much good in our lives, can we?

But the truth is, we cannot live our lives based only on the law of addition.  Effective spirituality is as much about subtraction as it is about addition.

In his book The Laws of Subtraction, author Matthew E. May makes the observation that "at the heart of every difficult decision lie three tough choices:  What to purse versus what to ignore.  What to leave in versus what to leave out.  What to do versus what to don't.  I have discovered that if you focus on the second half of each choice--what to ignore, what to leave out, what to don't--the decision becomes exponentially easier and simpler...This is the art of subtraction:  when you remove just the right thing in just the right way, something good usually happens."  (p. xii)

I think he's dead on!  All spiritual traditions consequently emphasize this significant principle and provide practices and ways to learn this art of subtraction.  The season of winter is often used as a time to reflect on this second half of the equation:  What do I need to let go of in my life?  What isn't serving me any more that I should release?  What do I need to de-clutter in order to make room for the new?  What am I holding on to too tightly that might be keeping me from spiritual growth and renewal?

We were not created with infinite head space or bandwidth.  We cannot be healthy spiritually or otherwise if we only live by the laws of addition or even attraction.  We are called to take the counter-intuitive approach from time to time to learn the art of subtraction.

So what space are you creating in your life to have this intentional reflection and self-evaluation?  The new year is a perfect time for this experience.

For these reasons, I have developed a cycle of three weekend retreats for 2013, starting January 25-26, to carve out this significant personal space for these reflections.  This first of the three weekends will be stepping into the law of subtraction.  Winter.  Letting go.  De-cluttering.  Making room for the new.  Healthy spirituality necessitates spiritual subtraction.

I invite you to consider participating in these retreats starting next month.  Here is the link for the details.  Feel free to pass it along to friends and family.  https://www.gregorypnelson.com/Retreats.php.  The deadline for the early bird discount is in 48 hours, and it's limited to just 20 people, so check it out soon.  I would love to have you experience this transformational journey.

One of my favorite classical composers is Claude Debussy.  I still enjoy playing "Claire de Lune" on the piano.  Debussy once wrote, "Music is the space between the notes."

If you know his music, you know that he is a master at spacing--intervals--when no sound exists--even if only briefly.  That silence and space between the notes serve to enhance the musicality and power of the notes.  Imagine listening to a pianist or vocalist (or even speaker, for that matter--I've endured too many of them) who never stops--they play/sing/speak incessantly--with no breaks--no silence--no pause.  How do you feel or react?  It's simply exhausting, isn't it?  Overwhelming.  Easy to ignore and tune out.  Our bandwidth gets used up before they're even done so we check out.  Effective composing is not just adding more notes to be played without rest or pause.  It's learning how to subtract strategically, thoughtfully, emotionally.

I encourage you as you face a new year to give yourself the profound and transforming gift of subtraction.  Carve out sacred space to reflect on what needs to be let go of, ignored, left out in your life.  Create more space between the notes of your life.  Engage in this difficult, counter-intuitive, but I guarantee you, rewarding work of making room for what is yet to come.

Dr. May has it right:  When you remove just the right things in just the right way, something good always happens."

Pie in the Sky: A Big Reason People Reject Institutionalized Christianity

You've heard the old American idiom "pie in the sky," haven't you?  Maybe you've even formed a sentence with the phrase.  We tend to use it when we're referring to a promise of something that has low likelihood of happening right now.  "Good luck with that," we'll say similarly. Origins of "Pie in the Sky"

Do you know where the phrase originated?  The idiom "pie in the sky" was first coined way back in 1911 in America by a Swedish-born itinerant worker named Joe Hill.  Joe belonged to one of the labor unions of that day, The Industrial Workers of the World, known as the Wobblies, and wrote songs for them.  One of his tunes grew in popularity.  Titled The Preacher and the Slave, it was composed as a criticism of The Salvation Army's theology and philosophy, specifically their concentration on the salvation of souls rather than the feeding of the hungry.  The song parodied the Army's heavy use of the hymn "The Sweet By and By" which Christians still enjoy singing today.  Here's the opening verse and chorus:

"Long-haired preachers come out every night, Try to tell you what's wrong and what's right; But when asked how 'bout something to eat They will answer with voices so sweet:

Chorus: You will eat, bye and bye, In that glorious land above the sky; Work and pray, live on hay, You'll get pie in the sky when you die."

"Good Luck ... We're Praying for You"

Pie in the Sky.  In other words, "Sorry, folks.  We know you don't have much to eat right now, but just hang in there.  When Jesus returns, it will all be different--you'll get your pie in the sky.  In the mean time, we're praying for you."

"It's All Going to Hell Anyway"

This attitude and philosophy gets expanded to, "Since Jesus is coming back soon and the earth will be destroyed, with the righteous being saved to Heaven, we really shouldn't spend too much time and energy trying to fix this world.  We should invest our energies into saving people's souls before it's too late."  Pie in the Sky.

I've heard many Christians say these very words to me in conversation.  And I have to be honest--every time I hear this I cringe.  I'm angered.  Not because I don't believe in paying attention to people's souls.  Not because I don't think people should be concerned about Heaven.  But because it communicates such a narrow, limited, destructive view of life right now.  When people are suffering and dying from starvation, poverty, AIDS, other diseases, natural disasters, economic injustice, torture and killing, slavery, environmental destruction, hatred and greed ... in the midst of theses painful realities, the best the Church can do is offer "pie in the sky"--after all, it's all going to be destroyed in the end, anyway?

Why People Reject Christianity

It is this Christian belief that is one of the big reasons I hear all the time as to why people reject Christianity as a viable spiritual belief and practice system.  In fact, the fastest growing religious demographic in America these days is the Nones, those who are intentionally choosing not to be affiliated or attached to religious organizations.  They're the famous "wanting spiritual but not religious."  More than one in five are in this category.  And it has a lot to do with this limited belief that church people often portray in word and deed. A Pie in the Sky theology.

So people respond, "Why would I want to be a part of a religion whose followers are more concerned about the next life than the quality of this life for the whole world?  Why would I want to join a group that cares more about the after life and getting there rather than helping fix what's wrong right now by bringing compassion and service to the suffering everywhere?"

The sad irony is that the Founder of Christians at the beginning--Jesus--had more to say about how people are to live right now than about getting ready for a coming kingdom.  In fact, Jesus' primary emphasis was about the Kingdom of God being here right now, in the present, and learning how to live out the values of God's kingdom now in the face of a pseudo-righteous church institution and an unjust empire.  His emphasis was so dangerous to the status quo that he was executed.

Jesus' Lord's Prayer Establishes Our Priority

When he taught his disciples to pray--what we call The Lord's Prayer--the opening request is "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."  This isn't an expression of longing and hope for the Second Coming.  It is an ardent, passionate desire and surrender to cooperating with God so God's will would be done on earth right now.  That's a powerful introduction to a prayer, isn't it?

It's like Jesus is saying, "Look, don't even think about making any other requests to God until you surrender to the task of bringing God's will to bear on all of life in the present.  When you've aligned with that Will, then bring your own needs to God.  'Give us our daily bread.  And forgive us as we forgive our debtors.'"

Not "Pie in the sky in the sweet by and by."  But "pie on earth in the sweet and sometimes sour now."

An Echo of the Old Testament Prophets

By introducing that part of the Lord's Prayer, Jesus was intentionally echoing the vision of the prophets of old which descriptively and passionately pictured "a world where all people are treated equally, cared for, respected, fed and nurtured for the wonderful creations of God that they are; a world where all people regardless of color, sex, race, religion, political party, nationality or sexual orientation have a voice and a place; a world where people and nations, as the Prophet Isaiah put it, 'beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks; where nation no longer takes up sword against nation; where war is no longer learned' (Isaiah 2:1-5)."  (Dr. Steve McSwain)

This is the world Jesus came to establish and build.  Not a Pie in the Sky in the Sweet By and By kind of exclusively future hope, but a dig in, get your hands dirty, working tirelessly to press God's compassion to every corner of the broken world kind of lifestyle.  People need the pie right now, after all!  "For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for the whole world" (Mark 10:45).  "I have come that you will have life, an abundant life" (John 10), not a pie in the sky in the sweet by and by, but right now, in this life and in all the ages to come.

Everyone Deserves A Piece of the Pie Now

I wonder how people would feel about a Church that chose to pray seriously this first part of the Lord's Prayer--prayed so seriously that they actually went about intentionally and courageously and compassionately bringing God's powerful will of compassion and care to the enormous and painful needs of this world?

It's time to give everyone a piece of the pie right now.  And some day, in the sweet by and by, we'll all together enjoy more pie!

Eleanor Rigby and a Common Failure of Institutionalized Christianity

Have you listened to the Beatles' song "Eleanor Rigby" recently?  It's one of my favorite Beatles songs.  I just listened to it again and was struck by it's very poignant central message.

The song features two individuals: Eleanor Rigby, a woman who lives alone, and Father MacKenzie, the priest of the local parish.  The suggested tragedy is that these two individuals never meet up in any meaningful way, never connect with each other beyond perhaps a perfunctory "hello" at the end of weekly mass.

During the week, Eleanor stands at the window of her small apartment looking out at the world, wishing she could be out there among people and be truly seen and accepted for who she is.  Instead, she keeps a "face" inside a jar beside the door to put on whenever she emerges from her lonely little world inside her apartment.  She's afraid of not being loved and accepted for who she is.  So she puts on the "face" she thinks will be acceptable.

The one time the song describes her emerging, it's to attend a wedding.  But that only increases her angst.  She picks up the rice in the church where the wedding has been and wishes it was for her.  "Who is it for?"  She's consigned to live a fantasy of imagining and longing it's her.

Meanwhile, Father MacKenzie spends his week writing his Sunday sermon.  But the song points out that he writes sermons that no one hears.  The implication is that very few people are there at church on Sunday.  And whoever does attend isn't very interested in his words.  He feels useless and meaningless.  But he keeps writing in his little study because it keeps him occupied, away from the lonely reality of his life and his own existential angst.  Better to be alone in his office then out with people who don't "see" him, either.

And at night, all by himself, "Look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there, What does he care?"  Like Eleanor who keeps her face in a jar by the door to be able to put on when she might go out or someone might visit, he darns his socks to get ready to use when he goes out.  He must look good, after all, for whoever might notice.  But of course, no one ever does.

As the chorus theme repeats, "All the lonely people, Where do they all come from? All the lonely people, Where do they all belong?"

Two lives, living alone, not really "seen" by anyone.  One is too busy writing sermons to notice the other.  The other is too busy worrying about what others might think about her to notice him.  Two ships passing in the night.

Until finally the end comes when the two meet up.  Father MacKenzie officiates Eleanor Rigby's funeral.  And this tragedy becomes complete:

"Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name, Nobody came. Father Mckenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave, No one was saved."

The Beatles' indictment against the institutionalized Church is driven home.  A lonely woman is completely forgotten.  Her name is buried with her body.  And all Father MacKenzie is concerned about is whether she or anybody else was saved or not by his sermons.

Here's the way one reviewer put it:  "This song is a bold-faced accusation against the self-righteous and overly religious that refuse to reach out to the all the lonely people and then wonder why so few come to church.  This song is saying that it isn't enough to be friendly. This song is saying that as long as people, especially religious people, remain cold and aloof, the Eleanor Rigby's of this world will continue to die and be 'buried along with her name.'"

Isn't it a tragedy that institutions too often get so self-absorbed with their own structures, rituals, rules, and policies--the "work" they simply have to keep carrying on--that individual people are forgotten or set aside or even neglected.  It writes its sermons in the isolation of the office and study, It conducts Its "business" in the isolation of Its board rooms, oftentimes ironically not connecting to the very people It's suppose to be loving, helping, and paying attention to.  Rather than trying to listen to people's stories, it's easier to preach them sermons.

And whatever attention is given to the people, it's attention more for their "salvation" than their personal needs and interests.  The religious institution allows their faces to remain in the jars beside their door.  In other words, people have to put on the mask in order to feel accepted and loved and embraced by the Church.

And what results?  As Eleanor Rigby reminds us, "All the lonely people, Where do they all come from? All the lonely people, Where do they all belong?"

In contrast, Jesus said, "I have come that people will have life, abundant life."  How different Eleanor Rigby's "song" would be if the followers of Jesus would give the same gifts He came to give:  abundant life now and for ever.  And central to the experience of abundant living is meaningful connections with others, being truly "seen" and "heard" and loved.

If this happened with greater regularity, as part of the very DNA of the Church, the Eleanor's of the world could emerge from their apartments into a world filled with love and compassion and acceptance.  Preachers would feel the courage to connect with others and even themselves without agendas other than to simply love and be loved in ways people and themselves need it the most.

It's time for a new stanza to Eleanor Rigby.

Hurricane Sandy and Tribalism: How Crisis Impacts Our Sense of Humanity

Hurricane Sandy and Two Symbols The tragedy this week unfolding on the Eastern seaboard of our country has been heart-rending. Not only the property destruction but the human devastation is mindblowing (79 deaths so far, and an estimated $50 billion of cost).  Clearly this has been a storm of epic proportions.

In the midst of this tragedy, there has also been a shining light--a very bright light, my opinion.  Watching the news yesterday and seeing New Jersey Governor Christy and President Obama working so closely together, praising and thanking each other for significant leadership in providing meaningful assistance on multiple levels, was heartwarming.

Here are two powerful symbols of contrast in this country--political opponents in every way--idealogues on opposite poles--both having criticized the other during the political campaigns--Gov. Christy being one of the outspoken surrocates for Mitt Romney, and President Obama running against Romney on almost everything.  And yet, in spite of these profound differences that have manifested at times in vitriolic political spewing, these two men have come together, worked together, embraced a similar vision and goal, and untiringly are working to stem the chaos and bring restoration and peace to that region.  And deeply affirming each other in the process.

And then to hear the stories of neighbors and community people immediately reaching out to each other, working hard to help save and restore lives--cleaning up the mess from flooding and wind damage, giving food and blankets and clothing, inviting people into their homes for shelter and safety.  And thousands across the country have been donating money and blood to the Red Cross.  No one goes through a "What Do We Agree On" checklist to decide whether or not they should help these people--if there are too many disagreements then no help can be given.  That would be ridiculous!  We'd actually label that "inhumane."  [Note:  It's tragic that so many congregations use this approach when deciding to accept or include some people, like gays, into their churches.  They would never do this during a natural disaster.  But when a crisis of spirituality and faith occurs, they exclude rather than include based on their check list.  What a lesson here!]

There's something about crisis that has the potential of bringing people, even political foes, together.  People are willing to move beyond their deep and profound differences for the sake of a common need.  It's powerful to witness, isn't it.

The Potential of Crisis

All of this has me thinking, why is it that crisis brings people together so often but then when the crisis is over everyone goes back to allowing their differences to create deep, unbridgeable chasms between them?  During crisis we can somehow look at the Other differently than after the crisis?  We see more in common than different during than after?  The fact that crisis brings people together shows that it is humanly possible to work and live together even in the midst of deep differences and disagreements.

What allows this to happen?  Here's one of the reasons.  Crisis causes a re-recognition of common humanity.  We suddenly realize that we're all connected in the most basic, fundamental way:  we are human beings living on one planet facing similar challenges, and so we sense a renewed responsibility for each other.  We are compelled to put our differences beneath our desire reach out to one another in restorative ways.

Typical tribalism shifts during these crisis times.  Instead of focusing first and foremost on our smaller, more immediate tribe (like our nationalism, our political affiliation, our religious belief, our local neighborhood and community, our biological family, and so forth), we are brought to the awareness that our first and most significant tribal affiliation is actually humanity--we are human beings living on the same planet with the responsibility of caring for each other.  We become much more global in these moments.  We prioritize our tribalism more globally.

And what is the result?  People come together, pull together, work together, in order to bring restoration, transformation, and a new normal into their damaged world.  Do they throw out their disagreements and start believing everything similarly?  No.  Do they deny their differences?  No.  But their common humanity takes precedence.  And so they serve each other no matter the odds and difficulties.  And the sense of community that is established is transformational.

A Parallel to Stages of Faith

On a spiritual level, this parallels the stages of faith, the process people go through in spiritual development and how they manifest their spirituality in different stages.  Of the four stages, stage two is the formal, institutional, fundamental worldview.  This is where most people tend to live.  There is a need for structure, certainty, organization--all of this serves to delineate faith and life, to carve out boundaries to help us understand the complexities; all of which help to bring a sense of security to the chaos of life.  So in stage two there is an emphasis on what separates us--our disagreements and differences, a tendency toward an "us" versus "them," an inside and an outside.  This is how we develop a certain basic spiritual identity.

So stage two people can become very threatened by those who believe differently.  And the fundamentalist outcome of this stage is to actually fight against those who are different in order to minimize the insecurity of identity we might be feeling.

Stage four faith is known as the mystical, communal worldview.  Dr. Scott Peck, in his book The Different Drum, describes it this way:  "This awareness leads to a deeper appreciation of the whole, the ability to love and embrace a world community by transcending individual culture and religion and other dividing lines that tend to separate people.  There’s a growing appreciation for the connectedness of all humanity with each other and with God and the awareness that God communicates to all people in equally unique and special ways that are communicated by means of symbols and metaphors and then lived out in meaningful practices and rituals."

So it's fascinating to me, as I watch events like Hurricane Sandy and its aftermath, how people respond to crisis.  On a spiritual level, people seem to move very quickly from a stage two kind of faith to a stage four faith.  In fact, experts tell us that we typically can only move from one spiritual stage to another as a result of crisis.  Without crisis to shake up our little worlds, we tend to be too comfortable to move forward.  Crisis suddenly upsets our spiritual equilibrium.  It often causes us to question our fundamental beliefs.  During and after crisis, we discover that the traditional spiritual answers seem too cliche and non-meaningful (like "God will protect you if you just believe in Him," or "This must be God's will," or "God is punishing the East because of gays," etc.--the point is that for people going through this crisis, those answers hold no meaning anymore, even those who held those beliefs cannot explain their current tragedies adequately through those cliche lens).  They don't seem to work anymore.

That whole series of thoughts and questions is actually a definition of stage three faith.  Says Dr. Peck:  "[These people] have gotten to a stage where the clearly defined paradigms and answers to questions given in stage two no longer satisfy and raise more doubts than can be satisfactorily answered.  They’re beginning to see that life is not as black and white as stage two thinks it is.  So they embark on a journey of dispensing with the orthodox, deconstructing previous beliefs, weighing everything by the scientific method, in order to search for 'truth' wherever it might lead."

So crisis has the ability to laser focus our lives quickly onto that which is most important.  And as I have seen in this week's tragedy, people almost automatically shift their worldview away from small tribalism to global connection.  And they can live and act this way in deeply satisfying ways to help mitigate the painful results of such tragedies.  And the result is that people are profoundly blessed and saved and empowered to keep on living and surviving and moving toward thriving again.

From t-ribalism to T-ribalism

I think this reality is hugely informative to us.  This week we've been reminded how important it is to live in a stage four kind of worldview (which I think is a deeply spiritual issue).  We've been shown how quickly we can get there.  Crisis motivates us and empowers us to almost immediately go global in our life lens.  We lay aside our more local tribalisms (the profound differences and disagreements between our politics, religion, family, community, even nationalisms) in order to step into our global tribe--the lens that reminds us we are first and foremost a part of one human family, all connected to each other, children of God no matter who we are.

We don't deny all our differences.  We don't compromise our beliefs.  We don't forget our smaller tribal identities.  Those are all still a part of each of us.  But we subsume them to a higher identity, a wider connection, a more fundamental relationship that is truly divine:  we are all children of God, family, intimately and eternally connected, heart to heart, body to body, soul to soul.  We have a divine responsibility to honor these connections to each other whenever and wherever we are.  We are called by God to be faithful stewards of our global human relationship.

This week our country has given evidence of this spiritual reality.  Thank you Gov. Christy and President Obama for being positive symbols of a faith that embraces our one human tribe.  Now may the rest of us manifest this stage of spiritual faith in our every day lives, within the circles we move and live--our congregations, temples, mosques, businesses, families, organizations.  Imagine what life could be like if we all pulled together (even in the midst of our disagreements and differences) and truly acted as one human family under God, brothers and sisters forever.