Your Character is Your Competitive Advantage

Character matters. It’s what I call soul ballast.

In sailing, ballast (weight with its corresponding stability) is created by a very heavy keel attached to the bottom of the boat. For stability in heavy winds and waters the boat must have more weight below the waterline than above the waterline.

Why does this matter? I ran across a powerful statement by AdamGrant, organizational psychologist at Wharton Business School, as he refers to the importance of leadership character in today’s world:

“As we strive to overcome a global pandemic and an economic recession, the character of leaders will matter as much as their competence. In 2021, servant leadership will be a competitive advantage, giving [those leaders] an edge in recruiting, motivating and retaining talented people.”

It’s what people cannot always see that matters more than what people can see. Character depth. Soul ballast. The leaders that prioritize personal and professional ballast are the leaders that have a loyal following at work and at home. Those that don’t, as sailors say, are recklessly courting disaster.

Self Reflection is not a Luxury or Option for Successful People

When is the last time you sat in stillness and reflected on who you are and how you are showing up in the world these days?

If there's ever a need for developing the art of self-reflection it's during these chaotic, uncertain times. The irony is that taking this time is actually counter-intuitive. We think we simply don't have the "extra" time--we are inundated with so many To Do's. We are tempted to look at self-reflection as a luxury or at best an option.

We live at a time in history in which we are literally bombarded with information of all kinds on a daily basis, Everyone and everything are competing for our attention. and now, with smartphones, we are never away from this assault. Consequently, we experience a kind of mental overload, overstimulation, and exhaustion.

“How can I ever take time to spend in quiet self-reflection? I don't have that time!”

When in fact, unless we take this time, we remain stagnant and in the end less creatively productive.

Our greatest personal power resides in self-reflection. Stepping back to see through the information smog to discern what is truly important gives us a clearer self-awareness so we can be grounded and centered in our authentic identity.

Here’s the truth: we skip this practice and pay the painful price of superficiality and mediocrity. Why? Because our greatest power resides in self-reflection that leads to authentic expression.

Learn to SEE you and then BE you. Then you will truly change the world. DO you.

Quote taken from Dr. Greg Nelson, "The Strategic Stop: Taking Back Your Life in a World Obsessed with Busyness." Available via Amazon: https://lnkd.in/d3r3nhn. A great gift to yourself and to people who matter to you at work and at home.

LEADING WELL REQUIRES PERSONAL GROWTH

More now than ever, as Monique Valcour puts it, "leading well requires a continuous journey of personal development."

In other words, successful leaders choose a willingness to take the time to engage in regular self-reflection to increase self-awareness and emotional intelligence, and to deepen relational empathy (other-awareness). Prioritizing what I call "strategic stops" for the purpose of engaging in these vital personal development practices.

Leaders can no longer isolate themselves in the "corner office." They cannot delegate reflection, thinking, and relationships. They must get to know themselves and their people,

• what motivates them,

• what their strengths are,

• what their personalities and temperaments are,

• what their hopes and dreams are,

• what their backgrounds are and how that shapes their present experience.

Success in today's world is determined more than ever before by how well a leader works with and interacts with self and others.

The true joys and impacts of leadership come when we "leave the airport bar" and embrace the wonders, diversity, and multi-dimensional world that we "flew to" when we said "yes" to being a leader.

Leadership Is A Team Sport

If there's anything we've learned the last few years in our country it's that successful leadership is a team sport not an individual event. The days of the leader as the lone super-hero who's come to save the world are over!

Effective leadership has moved away from the "follow me because I know everything" to "I'm here to help you be your best, so what I can do for you? And together let’s fulfill our mission!"

Halla Tómasdóttir, CEO of The B Team, investor, co-founder of Reykjavik University, and runner-up in Iceland’s 2016 presidential elections, describes this kind of leadership most needed in our current times:

“What this crisis has shown us is that the leadership style of ‘I know it all’ is not a good leadership style for this moment or any other challenge we are going to continue to face and need to deal with collectively, collaboratively, with compassion, and with care. Leadership is not given to the few — it’s inside of all of us, and life is all about unleashing that leadership.”

Collaborative leadership--when it's centered in compassion, empathy, mutual respect, honor and trust--always produces the best, most innovative, most transformational results for everyone.

Leadership is a team sport!

NAVIGATING TRAUMA & CRISIS SO YOU END UP THRIVING

Navigating Trauma & Crisis So You End Up Thriving

It seems that often our human tendency when going through crisis or trauma is to fixate on the "Why"--why is this happening? Why me? Why do I have to go through this?" I have a propensity for that question.

Then I remember Rabbi Harold Kushner's response. In his book "When Bad Things Happy to Good People" he tells the story of losing his young son to a degenerative disease. In the midst of his painful loss, he too asked "Why?" And then at some point in his grieving, he realized that ultimately the more important question was, "Now that this has happened, what am I going to do about it?" That question, focusing away from the past into the future's possibilities changed his life. 

Those who become stronger through crisis and trauma are those who find meaning from it, a sense of renewed purpose--it's the "what now" mentality.

Notice the benefits listed by Lisa Zigarmi & Davia Larson in their article in the link below:

• An increased sense of your own strength and capacities to prevail.

• Improved relationships with others, including a greater sense of belonging.

• A greater sense of compassion.

• And an increased sense of purpose and appreciation for life.

An Harvard Business Review article provides a profound framework (the Post-Traumatic Growth process) for making meaning out of difficult times. It describes a helpful tool to use with yourself, with your teams, with other groups you belong to, even with your family. I'm using this process in my own life as I chart my path forward during these times. https://lnkd.in/ga5f-Vk.

Express Your Emotions Accurately and Creatively

Have you ever noticed that it's really challenging to put words to whatever you're feeling at the moment? We default to the major feeling words like happy, joyful, sad, disappointed, angry, etc. And though those words are helpful to know, it's actually really valuable to go a bit deeper and "locate" more nuance and specificity in what we're feeling. 

My wife Shasta and I, in order to increase our emotional vocabulary, have been using this picture tool (see below) in our conversations with each other during the day. The list is broken down into four quadrants: Low Pleasantness to High Pleasantness, and Low Energy to High Energy. It's been challenging at times b/c we're not in the habit of being so specific with our emotion words. But it's been fun & frustrating and definitely empowering.

Being able to identify our specific feeling is at the core of emotional intelligence which measures our self awareness and social awareness. Words do matter.

If you’re a leader, the more you have a nuanced and accurate emotional vocabulary, the more you will be understood and the more the people around you will be feel understood. And you will be offering a transformational example of what working and living as a full human being is about.

This tool comes from Dr. Marc Brackett's book "Permission to Feel." He's the Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor at the Child Study Center. Outstanding book!!

from Marc Brackett, “Permission to Feel”

SELF CARE IS NOT A LUXURY, IT'S A MANDATE

Especially during this work-at-home pandemic (Thank You, COVID-19), it's easy to get confused about taking breaks to pay attention to our mental health and overall self care. We might be tempted to feel guilty if we're not working long hours every day, maybe even on the weekends. Or we might be tempted to see our amazing attention to productivity and its corresponding busyness as a badge of honor, a symbol of how important and necessary we are. 

But unfortunately, with either of those approaches, the foundation of our self worth and self esteem get all confused and mixed up. We end up believing the lie that our worth and value come from what we produce rather than who we are as human beings. 

And our wellbeing and resilience lose. 

That's why I love a meme I put together showing a sleeping kitten with the caption by Liane Davey:

Investing in your resilience isn't indulgent; it's mission-critical.

What a pithy reminder. When you and I invest in our self care, it isn't a luxury, it's a mandate. It's perhaps one of the most countercultural, courageous acts we can engage in.

We cannot achieve our full humanity with its glorious potential without taking intentional times to stop (what I call strategic stops) for rest, recovery, having fun, building our healthy relationships, investing in the social causes that inspire us, and paying attention to our emotional and physical lives, too.

Liane Davey, in her recent article in the Harvard Business Review, gives this challenge to the leaders of every organization:

It’s time to take those hackneyed words, 'our people are our greatest asset,' to heart. If you are an important asset, how could depriving, devaluing, and depreciating that asset by running it in harsh conditions, powering it with improper fuel, and neglecting routine maintenance possibly be good for your organization? Let’s cut to the chase: It’s not! ... From now on, tell yourself, 'It’s so busy at work right now, I can’t afford NOT to take care of myself!'"

If you have the courage to do this for yourself, it will be powerful evidence that you are a great leader! And that kind of modeling and permission-giving will empower the people around you. And you'll have the energy to engage in the mission of your organization in creative, innovative, and bold ways. Everyone wins!

Why Successful Leaders Must Prioritize Self Care and Character Development

Peter Drucker, the great leadership pioneer, said,

“You cannot manage other people unless you manage yourself first.” 

Sounds like what we hear from the lead flight attendant before take off, talking about the importance of putting on the oxygen mask on ourselves first, and then helping the people next to us, in the event of an emergency.

Self care must come prioritized in we as leaders are going to be of any value and benefit to others.

In today’s climate of such a fast-paced, ever-changing, global, highly diverse environment, with such high expectations on leaders, the challenges are staggering and complex. But the most effective leaders are the ones that first address their own lives and learn to manage themselves. Only then can they influence the people they lead and create the necessary culture of trust and loyalty to the mission. 

In the video below (in a series titled “5 Principles Successful Leaders Prioritize”), I emphasize the vital nature of self care and character development. Without this foundation, leaders simply cannot be effective. Building the necessary depth into their lives first is what results in empowering the culture and people they are leading.

I see it a lot: an organization can only go as high as the leader(s). This is why self care and character development are so crucial for leaders!

These practices are NOT “If I have some extra time, maybe I’ll do some personal reflection and self care.” These practices are nonnegotiable and not optional for leaders who want to be successful!

Here are a few questions to help you evaluate your current priorities as a leader:

1. Do I take regular time in my schedule to take time off to unwind, to rest and recover?

2. Do I carve out intentional time to engage in self reflection, self evaluation, about how things are going in my life: am I living in alignment with my core values, am building a deep character of honesty, integrity, responsibility, kindness, serving others with joy, unselfishness, and faithfulness?

3. How would I describe the quality of my relationships at home and at work? Would these important people to me think of me as loving and compassionate, empathetic, honest? Would they feel like they are a priority to me in my schedule?

4. How am I managing my emotional life? Am I growing in my ability to accurately identify my feelings and those around me? And then am I growing in my capacity to regulate those feelings in order to build healthy bridges to both my self and to those people in my life?

One of the great spiritual writers, Richard Foster, wrote: “The desperate need today is not for a great number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people.”

And personal and leadership depth don’t happen automatically just because you’re a leader. Depth is created by intentionality and purpose.

I invite you to be that kind of leader. Your people—family & employees—will be eternally grateful to you for prioritizing this!

To subscribe to MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL, here is the link: https://lnkd.in/epmgFnF.

How To Stay Centered and Grounded in a Time of Upheaval, Stress and Anxiety

We are living in such high emotion and intense feeling times! I read today that crises go through three stages: emergency phase, regression phase, and recovery phase. Specific emotions are involved with each phase; and we all tend to go through the phases sometimes at different times. No wonder it's so challenging to navigate our relationships not just with the people we know but with people we meet along the way, whether on Facebook and social media or beyond. Tempers rise, anger increases, anxiety and uncertainty increase our stress, and we can invariably lash out - we're feeling caged in, sometimes attacked by others, feeling misunderstood by some, violated or judged or diminished. Our feelings these days are intensified! We're all experiencing this.

We have to make use of the tools at our disposal in order to manage our stress, anxiety, and big feelings! If we don't manage, we will be managed. Just look around our society these days and see the glaring results. 

I've been thinking a lot the last few months about what practices and tools we can access to help us manage our feelings proactively and effectively. I put together a playlist in my youtube channel of 5 simple practices we can leverage - breathing, body movement, gratitude, meditation, and taking one day at a time. I'm getting good response from people about these short videos. These are really useful, scientifically-proven ways to manage our stress and anxiety. I'd love to have you access them and let me know what you think and feel with them. Hope you enjoy it!

And let's all be as intentional as we can to lower the emotional temperature all round us, including inside of us. We can do it. And we can encourage each other toward that place of groundedness in more peace and calm.

A KEY TO DEVELOPING RESILIENCE - KNOW YOUR PURPOSE

One of the keys to activating resilience is identifying and living by a clear purpose. In these times of crisis, we vitally need this clarity.

Victor Frankl, the Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, survived four concentration camps, an experience that profoundly deepened his understanding of human beings. He learned that our main drive or motivation in life is neither pleasure nor power but meaning. He wrote,

“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, only by lack of meaning and purpose. Those who (were) oriented toward a meaning to be fulfilled by them in the future were most likely to survive.”

I often notice this same reality for me as I go through my life and work these days. When I'm clear about my purpose, the mission I'm designed to fulfill that's larger than my own life, I am far more able to put current circumstances into a survivable context.

Can you state your unique purpose in one sentence? Is it clear to you? Does it move you?

Ch. 3 of my book "The Strategic Stop: Taking Back Your Life in a World Obsessed with Busyness" describes the why and how of discovering your purpose. How would you articulate yours? Let's share ours with each other in the comments below.

#purposefulliving #purposedrivenlife #purposedrivenleadership#purposefulbusiness #resilience #stressmanagement #anxietyrelief

LEADERS NEED THEIR FEELINGS, TOO - WHAT DO YOU WANT TO FEEL MORE OF DURING THIS CRISIS?

Every year I choose three feeling words that I want to feel more of during the year. I love doing this because it empowers me to be more intentional with my focus and my intentions. And with so much attention having to be given to surviving this coronavirus pandemic, I realize I need to stop often to focus on what empowers not just to survive but also to thrive emotionally, relationally, spiritually, and even physically.

My 2020 Feeling Words are Creative, Ease, Prosperous. Here's the way I define them:

I choose to feel CREATIVE - Unleashing my creative imagination, I fully express my self, my life, and my work. 

One of the big intentions for this word this year is to share more music in my work and life. Music has always been a huge way of expressing my self through the years. So I intend to use my music more. And I intend to take more "music baths" every day when I bathe my whole personhood in my favorite music.

I choose to feel EASE - Like the ebb and flow of the tides and the soaring of the eagle, I relax into the current of my life and work.

Sometimes, as a solopreneur and independent contractor, having to pay attention to all the varied logistics of running a business, I have felt "bogged down" and at times "overwhelmed" and "unrelaxed" with all the details. This word reminds me to do whatever it takes to partner with, collaborate with others who love doing the logistics ... so I can concentrate on the work I am called to do and love doing. I choose to "relax" into my "ease" more this year.

I choose to feel PROSPEROUS - I luxuriate in the flourishing and abundance of my life, work, and wealth.

Obviously not knowing on New Years day what lay ahead for our world with a pandemic coming, taking away much work and opportunities for financial sustainability, I realize this will be a more challenging word to feel. And yet, I'm reminded of the tremendous amount of "prosperity" I enjoy even in the midst of this crisis - my health and vitality, family, friends, people who believe in me and support and encourage me, and even the work I do have. Though money may be scarce right now and the coming months, I choose to feel "prosperous" in all these ways. Gratitude elevates this feeling word for me. So I will continue to step into gratitude in every way possible.

Feelings are the most powerful and effective motivators and creators of our behavior. If we start with what we want and choose to feel, our actions will more easily align and help create opportunities to feel them. 

What do you want to feel more of this year? What specific intentions can you identify that will help you feel those words more? Even in the midst of our domestic and global crisis, we can choose to feel more of what we truly want I order to be our best and fullest selves. We can choose to take strategic stops to pay attention to our feeling words, to remind ourselves of more of the fulness of our human selves. Nothing can take that away from us!

TWO REASONS WHY SLEEP IS A LEADERSHIP REQUIREMENT

It’s amazing how often some of the leaders I work with look at sleep as a luxury at best and an unnecessary inconvenience at worst. It’s as though they see sleep as an interruption to the important work they’re doing. Some have actually bragged to me about how little sleep they need and take for themselves, as though this is a badge of honor of some kind.

Let me suggest to you two reasons why sleep is a vital leadership requirement.

First, a physiological reason. Good leadership requires creativity and curiosity, both of which come from deep thinking. And the practice that most profoundly enhances deep thinking is the practice of daily adequate sleep.

In sleep, our brains clean out toxins, process the day’s experiences, and work on problems that have been occupying our waking minds. (Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, “Rest", p. 140.)

And look at what happens what we don’t get enough sleep.

Being chronically tired to the point of fatigue or exhaustion means that we are less likely to perform well. Neurons do not fire optimally, muscles are not rested, and the body’s organ systems are not synchronized. (A study from the Division of Sleep Medicine, Harvard Medical School)

This is a no-brainer when we stop long enough to think about it. Sleep is an absolute requirement for those who want to be effective and transformational leaders. Our bodies are designed during sleep to recover, rebuild, restore, and reignite the most important parts of our selves needed to empower successful leadership. We simply cannot use the excuse of multiple and challenging demands at work to deprioritize regular sleep.

And second, a financial reason. The lack of sleep among both leaders and employees is having a deeply negative outcome in the workplace and in the company. The actual financial costs being generated from sleep deprivation is staggering.

Today, so many of us fall into this trap of sacrificing sleep in the name of productivity. But, ironically, our loss of sleep, despite the extra hours we put in at work, adds up to more than eleven days of lost productivity per year per worker. This results in a total annual cost of sleep deprivation to the US economy of more than $63 billion, in the form of absenteeism and presenteeism (when employees are present at work physically but not really mentally focused). (Arianna Huffington, “The Sleep Revolution”)

Leaders who think they can get away with little to no sleep on a regular basis are deluding themselves and by their example are costing their companies millions of dollars. So much for fiduciary responsibility.

Contrary to some opinions, regular sleep isn’t just some luxury for those who have the time and leisure. It’s not an experience that the high performers and uber-productive people in our midst can simply choose to neglect or cut corners on. Sleep, as the original strategic stop, is a fundamental and vital aspect of maintaining necessary human resilience. And as leaders, we need this priority for ourselves, for our employees, and for our organizations.

Taking Back Your Life in a World Obsessed with Busyness

One of the tragic consequences of our "always-on," obsessed with busyness and productivity culture, is the subsequent loss of our sense of authentic identity.

Here's the way author Jenny Odell, in her book "How to Do Nothing" puts it:

When our identities depend solely on what we contribute (like to a company's P&L statement), we're likely to end up losing who we really are."

We become in our minds and hearts so synonymous with consumerism and/or productivity that we lose our deepest and best self. Our worth is only as much as we have, produce, or give out.

Authentic identity and worth are only discovered and embraced from the context of intentional strategic stops for self-reflection, self-evaluation, and self-discovery. We have to prioritize taking time for these explorations. Check out my book "The Strategic Stop: Taking Back Your Life in a World Obsessed with Busyness" for specific and transformational ways to meet your true self and learn to love it.

Leadership: The Most Important Person to Develop First Is Yourself

No successful leader can achieve authentic influence and impact without regular strategic stops for introspection and self-reflection.

If you want to develop the people around you, you must begin with yourself. And that takes intentional time and thought in which you are asking yourself questions like,

• "Who am I as a human being?

• What uniqueness do I bring to every person I work with?

• What do I love about myself?

• How am I leveraging my strengths, personality, and human design to build people up and not diminish them in any way?

• What is working well for me these days?

• What isn't working as well?

• What are my personal and leadership growth issues?

• What are my blind spots?

• Who do I have in my life I can trust to be honest with me about these areas for growth and development in me?

• What kind of a leader do I truly want to be and what might be hindering or blocking me from being that leader?

Leaders that spend this time asking and answering these kinds of questions will be authentic and influential developers of people around them. They will be leaders that people really want to follow!

Are you prioritizing these strategic stops in your life to expand and deepen your personal and professional impact?

It's Okay to Admit to Not Being Busy

I was on my evening walk yesterday after work when I came upon this scene. I paused my walk to take in the vista, just letting my mind daydream about anything I noticed and saw right then. After about five minutes of letting my mind go wherever it wanted, I walked on ... actually feeling quite energized.

There's a wonderful article in the New York Times about this mental process that so often gets ignored or demeaned because our culture puts priority on busyness and productivity. Being busy all the time is being used as a badge of honor these days ("I'm so busy because I am just so important."). Daydreaming, doing nothing, is seen as lazy, nonproductive, a waste of time when there's so much that needs to be done. In fact, many people grew up with the old saying, "Idleness is the Devil's playground."

The Dutch actually have a word for this experience of doing nothing - "niksen." It's essentially about stopping, pausing, in order to let your mind wander, like gazing out a window, or simply looking out over a scene (like I did) without any agenda in mind.

Psychologists have picked up this word and are using it as a prescription for mental health and well-being. Research has found that "daydreaming - an inevitable effect of idleness - literally makes us more creative, better at problem-solving, better at coming up with creative ideas. Total idleness is required."

As a result of niksen, stress levels decline, a sense of calm and peace emerge, and the brain receives new energy.

That's exactly what I experienced on my walk. 

So let's hear it for building into our lives more strategic stops designed for simply doing nothing - purposeful pauses for daydreaming. And in so doing, we can reshape our culture away from an obsession with busyness to a more human "being" experience. You might just enjoy it, too.  #TheStrategicStop #changingculture #bringingmorehumanitytotheworkplace #niksen #dontbeafraidofjustdoingnothing #idareyou